Meeting with headmistress - how would you handle this?

[donteatyourteawithnoknickerson]

I have a meet tomorrow morning with my daughter's head to discuss an issue the other week. DD (7) was left in the playground at homeitme, alone, with no supervision and without any teacher making sure she was safe.

I was running late from an appointment with DD2's eye consultant and he was telling me all about surgery DD2 is due to have. I got to school maybe 5-10 mins late and all the time I was on my way I was trying to ring school to let them know but the line was busy. When I got there DD1 was alone, crying, in the playground. I was later told that teachers had not checked all children were safe, and had gone back to classroom.

I went straight into office for an explanation. DD1's teacher came out and said DD1 should not have left her (which I have spoken to DD about) and it was DDs fault for not going back to classroom. I refused to accept this and wanted teacher to accept responsibility as the safeguarder of my child. Teacher started to quote policy at me - I responded by saying that you can deviate from policy if the course of action is justified and safer. I said to teacher that i needed to make sure she was safe. Teacher started to cry .

I said that I accepted her apology (which she did do eventually) and would leave it at that. However, DDs other teacher (they have a job share situation) has started to make DD1 hold her hand every time she goes out of school and has actively said to her "so you don't get lost again". I feel this is unreasonable especially since it has only started more than a week after the event. Teacher is asking for DD (according to DD) in front of the whole class and (in my opinion) making a target of her.

I have a mmeting in the morning - how would you handle this?

Policy - (AFAIK) -- teachers hand over to adult in unsecure playground. If no teacher there, then teacher returns child to office/classroom and tries to contact said adult.

There has been no notification that this has changed from KS1 to KS2. I have regularly seen same procedure with KS2 classes during DD's time there.

No, she left her child at school.

The school left her alone in the playground.

Teachers cannot leave children who are not collected unsupervised; I have waited until 7pm in the past.

I appreciate the change of policy at KS2, and this needs to be clarified; however, I think leaving a child of seven unsupervised in an unsecured playground is negligent and unlikely to be in the policy.

thethersend do you really think no primary age child should be left unsupervised in an unsecured playground?

What, a 10 year old??

I said a seven year old, Clary.

Just to be clear, I also disagree that the OP needs to apologise. Of course it's curteous for her to say to the HT tomorrow something along the lines of, 'of course I'm sorry I was late, but I'm not habitually so and these were just exceptional circumstances.' As a teacher, I would answer such a parent with, 'No, we completely understand that these things happen on rare occasions.' Then you can get down to clarifying the policy situation.

As for the crying teacher, taking the OP at her word, if this teacher cries because a parent questions why her child was left crying in the playground then she's in the wrong job.

"Well, unfortunately, if a litigious parent ever decides to take legal action against the school, you would be on shaky ground- however, signposting them and making them available to parents will suffice." Are you trying to tell me that from a legal stand point every parent ought to be given all the school's policies tethersend? If so, where do you get that legal knowledge from? Not being snippy, just I've never known a school that sends parents all the school's policies. And it would bankrupt us (400 copies of every policy and I assume they need a new one when each policy is updated which varies from every three years to annually depending on the policy).

I agree with tethersend's posts and I'm surprised at the rather stroppy response you are getting. This happened to a child I know and he almost walked into the road alone as he was in a panic. Where the policy is to hand a child to a parent,that should be done ,and if you are late,naturally you need to have a good reason and to apologise,but surely the staff shouldn't stop minding a child at bang on 3.30 or whatever? Also don't like the way she is now being singled out as she didn't do anything wrong or unusual.Hope the meeting goes well.

Depends whether she felt threatened, or harangued, lovingthecoast. We weren't there - we don't know.

If she cried because of one or two mildly put questions, I would agree with you. Personally, I doubt that was the case.

exactly how late were you? If I'm running late for something important- like colecting my child - I knwo exactly how lat I am. To the minute. An I have never, in 15 years of being a parent, known a school playground that clears completely within 5-10 minutes of the end of the day. Never.

Sorry tethersend I x-posted with your post immediately before mine.

But earlier you said a child should not be left unsupervised - I took it from the context that you meant any primary age child.

Actually my DCs' school does leave 7yos in the playground (in that they come out of class, no carer looked for); I don't personally take the view that it is breaching its duty of care, just letting bigger children be abit more independent.

Cannot believe any school insists on a parent or carer meeting a yr 6 child

Though I have waited with an 11yr old for 2hours before when his parents failed to turn up to collect him from the KS2 Christmas production. I tried calling and nobody answered. He told me it was ok for him to walk home but it was a half hour walk along a lane in pitch darkness and we had sent a letter home saying due to not finishing until 8pm and it being dark, all children must be collected. In the end I drove him home to an empty house and knocked at the neighbours who had a mobile number for mum. She came back and shouted at him for not walking home and getting the key from 'the usual place'.

*What do I have to apologise for? er
... being late,
... not putting something in place (another parent you might be able to text for example) for when an unexpected emergency happened
...not phoning the school as you left the appointment (not many hospitals I've been to can you park right outside the door, so you must have had more than the 10 mins you were late to get from the conulsting room to your car, strap yourselves in, out the car park, drive to school, park, and run down the drive, so I'm thinking you could have phoned the school earlier
...not having talked through with your dcs ever, 'what to do if.....'
... speaking to a teacher in such a way that made her cry

Oddly, I was late for my dd last week. She was playing happily on the climbing apparatus stuff when I arrived (8 mins after the bell), and came running up to tell me she was going to take herself into the office when all the others had gone from the playground if I'd not got there then. No drama. No stress.
If your dd's specific needs are such that she can't do that, then I totally understand that after the dressing down you gave her, she needs to be seen to be holding on to your child until she is handed over to you.
You can't have it both ways.

So, in answer to your question about what to say at the meeting, I think you'd be best apologising for your over reaction last week, and you need to decide if you want her to be treated like everyone else and expected to take herself back in if she can't find you, or if she can't do that (obv. we don't know your dd's difficulties) accept that it is sensible to hold her hand until you are seen to be there.*

I agree with this totally. Y3 children will generally know what to do at the end of the day. Why had your DD strayed from the teacher when she hadn't seen you? If her SN are such that she cannot be expected to do this, then the teacher does need to keep her by her side at such times which may distinguish her from the others somewhat.

I know a bit is two words by the way

I have never, in 15 years of being a parent, known a school playground that clears completely within 5-10 minutes of the end of the day. Never.

That's a very good point, seeker - neither have I!

You should have been there. You should have a plan if you weren't. And discussed that with the teacher if your daughter has SN. Get that in place tomorrow so everyone is clear. I suspect you have massaged the facts slightly as it takes something to make most teachers cry and for a playground to be empty in 10 minutes. At your meeting, listen, apologise and accept you are going to be treated with kid gloves and every word you say acted upon from now on.

Feenie, I agree it depends on the situation but Ive seen it before esp with NQTs who just seem unable to handle any form of parental confrontation even if the parent is just being firm rather than ranty or threatening.

But then having spent a lot of time teaching in schools where I could have been forgiven for thinking my name was 'Oi Fuckin Mrs Lovingthecoast' maybe I'm more hardened than most!

AFAIK Abigail- and I have to say, I'm no legal expert, just know a fair bit about physical intervention in school and the law surrounding it, parents should be given a copy of all policies- this can be on a CD, or online,- or signposted to where they can receive a copy of all school policies, as your school does.

Some schools now make parents sign to confirm that they have received a copy of the policies. It's not a necessity, but it is prudent.

Donteat -

I think you should

• Apologise for being late
• Ask if they have an alternative number that can be called if the main line is busy
• Ask what the policy is for your daughters year
• Tell them you appreciate the extra care they are now showing your DD, but that it is actually humiliating her and ask if there is another way of dealing with it

Let us know how you get on.

Phew!

In the school I worked there was always a teacher on designated after school duty who was in the playground to ensure that all children had gone home and if there were any children left it was their responsibility to contact the parent and ensure the child was safe. You could suggest your child's school does the same.

Legally, parents aren't given copies of all policies but must have access to them. Can you imagine the paper if all parents were given all policies?

Access, yes. Copies if requested, yes. Copies to all parents as standard, no.

No, not standard, but some schools feel it is necessary to 'cover their backs' by ensuring all parents receive the policies. I have never seen them given out in paper form though...

A sad world where school's priorities have to be covering their backs. We couldn't rely on the "its on the website" anyway as lots of our parents aren't. But at least I can still afford to renew the teaching assistant's contract then if I don't have to pay for all that photocopying

I'm very uncomfortable with all the perfect parents on here with their flame throwers out.

lovingthecoast and onefatcat have some excellent advice IMO.

You can say that you are sorry that you were detained, and also that the teacher became upset if you feel things need smoothed, but it's not the main issue. Making a huge deal of handover and singling her out with the handholding and "so you don't get lost again" is embarrassing and upsetting, and I'd make that point to the head, repeatedly if neccessary. Frankly, I think the teacher is being petty and trying to make a point to you through your daughter, but you'll get more done through diplomacy.

I'm not perfect, and I have been late. If I'd been late and my child was upset and then I made a teacher cry, I'd feel bad, and the only thing I'd have to say about it would be 'sorry'.