Meeting with headmistress - how would you handle this?

[donteatyourteawithnoknickerson]

I have a meet tomorrow morning with my daughter's head to discuss an issue the other week. DD (7) was left in the playground at homeitme, alone, with no supervision and without any teacher making sure she was safe.

I was running late from an appointment with DD2's eye consultant and he was telling me all about surgery DD2 is due to have. I got to school maybe 5-10 mins late and all the time I was on my way I was trying to ring school to let them know but the line was busy. When I got there DD1 was alone, crying, in the playground. I was later told that teachers had not checked all children were safe, and had gone back to classroom.

I went straight into office for an explanation. DD1's teacher came out and said DD1 should not have left her (which I have spoken to DD about) and it was DDs fault for not going back to classroom. I refused to accept this and wanted teacher to accept responsibility as the safeguarder of my child. Teacher started to quote policy at me - I responded by saying that you can deviate from policy if the course of action is justified and safer. I said to teacher that i needed to make sure she was safe. Teacher started to cry .

I said that I accepted her apology (which she did do eventually) and would leave it at that. However, DDs other teacher (they have a job share situation) has started to make DD1 hold her hand every time she goes out of school and has actively said to her "so you don't get lost again". I feel this is unreasonable especially since it has only started more than a week after the event. Teacher is asking for DD (according to DD) in front of the whole class and (in my opinion) making a target of her.

I have a mmeting in the morning - how would you handle this?

Handle the meeting by saying you're terribly sorry you were late the other day?

I disagree with many of the posts here.

Your DD should have been supervised. Was the playground secure? Could she have got out? Could anyone else have got in?

Teachers have a duty of care, and need to act in loco parentis. They need to ensure a child's safety. They are only human and make mistakes, but this does not make the situation ok, and you need to ask the head how she is going to ensure it does not happen again.

The alleged humiliation of your DD by the other teacher is quite wrong, no matter what the situation or her learning needs. To embarrass a child in front of their peers in never acceptable. I would treat this as a separate issue.

I requested the meeting - not about the hand holding thing - I asked for it prior to that.

But they are doing something to ensure it doesnt happen again.

tethersend thank you.

What are the school policies for parents who are late for pick-up??

Phoning a school before pick-up/school finishes is a pretty useless thing to do - the office at our infant school is usually dealing with other parents and after school activities.

Could you not have an arrangement with a mum/friend to be a stand-in if you are running late??

I think you have damned the school and the policies ..

Policy is that they take them into the office where they wait for adult.

Does the school make the policy about pick-up clear to the children and adults??

I think you need to point out that the lesson has been learnt on both sides from the original incidence and the singling out of your dd that has happened recently is counter productive and upsetting her.

So, for the meeting:

1. What they are doing to ensure this does not happen to anyone else's child- point out the risks involved of a seven year old in the playground; is it a secure playground, BTW?

1. Concerns about DD being humiliated in front of peers; point out that the claims are as yet unsubstantiated, but that you would like the head to monitor the situation please.

1. Hope that this can be put behind us and have a strong, professional relationship for rest of DD's school career.

It isn't particularly "advertised", just word of mouth and usual practice. I haven't ever had sight of the policy, so can't comment verbatim.

I also agree she should not have been left in the playground alone at any age!

No it isn't a secure playground. There is a lock (combo lock) but it is all unlocked at hometimes.

Thankyou for some mature, sensible suggestions - exactly what I was looking for. I certainly don't want this to harm our relationship with school at all.

I also had a long chat with DD after original event that she shouldn't have left the teacher, and that she shouldn't talk about teacher being upset. I don't want to undermine her position.

Ok, well that is in itself another problem- you should have received a copy of all school policies, or at least been directed to them online.

However, if the school policy is to leave seven year olds in the playground, then the school is in breach of its duty of care and the policy is not worth the paper it's written on. IF it says this (which i very much doubt), it needs rewriting.

Good luck with meeting- let us know how it goes

Are you sure that that is the policy then? If it is the policy why did you have to tell the teacher that she should have deviated from the policy?

Thankyou tethersend I will do

I think eveyone's being a bit harsh. I would be cross if my dc were left unattended after school. It was an over sight on the part of the school as per their policy and you have every reason to expect that if you weren't there to receive your child they would have been monitored.

However your DD was probably unlikely to be in danger although she did get upset. I would put it down to experience, your dd will know what to do next time, you maybe could call another mum who is collecting to grab your DD in an emergency if it happens again?

I would say to the head just that - you have all learnt something from this and check what should have happened as per the policy if you weren't there. Say your DD doesn't need the additional 'care' if you feel the policy is ok and everyone knows what to do next time.

My DD is 7 and I can imagine she and many of her friends would get upset too in that situation.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I feel you have been unnecessarily flamed, OP.
I have been a teacher for 20 odd years though I'm not teaching at the moment. This is how it looks to me;

-You were late. Unusually so and with a reasonable excuse. Even those parents who are on time 99% of the time have the odd day were they are unavoidably late. You cannot be criticised for that.

-All parties concerned, including your DD, need to be clear on what the policy is. Is your DD Y3? If so, it is very common for KS2 children to be allowed to leave unsupervised with instructions that if there is no-one there to collect them they must return either to the classroom or the the foyer area. Most children of this age even with a MLD can cope with this unless the difficulty is perhaps an ASD or similar in which case extra measures need to be in place to ensure that child's safety.

-The teacher shouldn't have cried. It's not very professional esp as you have stated you didn't rant at her just asked what happened.

-IMVHO, the other teacher is just being deliberately snooty about it by singling out your dd in that way. She could perfectly well ensure your DD was 'extra' safe by asking her to stay by her side. She doesn't need to announce the issue to the class or waiting parents and she knows it. Unacceptable IMO.

As for tomorrow, go in with a calm voice and sound as reasonable as possible. Say you appreciate that you were late but remind her what a rare thing this is. Say you completely understand how busy it is at hometime but that you feel it's important that a 7yr old knows procedure (this knowledge should come from school not you). If she's KS1, a member of staff should be there to make sure all children are collected. If she's KS2, she must have only just started the juniors and therefore needs to be told what she should do if her mum isn't there.

Oh and say that quite frankly you think the standing with her hand up and the reason being announced is a little OTT and you'd like that to stop. I'm sure you'll find the HT in agreement.
Good luck!

If children are only released to a parent's hand, why is the policy for them to return to school if no one collects them? They wouldn't be out of school to start with, would they?

What do you want to get from the meeting? You requested it, so must have an idea what you are hoping to gain from it? Not having a go, just think that's the basis of what you talk about.

Sorry, I xposted with a few others.

Thanks lovingthe coast - some really good advice - DD is Y3, just.

ballstoit sorry I was unclear - I believe the policy says that the teacher takes child to office if no-one there.

I think I need to ask whether the policy is different in KS2 than KS1 - maybe it is and we haven't been made aware of it?

Yes I did read your post where you said you tried to ring them when you were on your way. You knew before this that the consultant was running behind - he was an hour behind, so to me you should have telephoned at the point when you knew you were not going to be seen on time to forewarn the school.

You are clearly worried about your child's safety, but, as a teacher, if I had been reduced to tears by a parent (not sure what OP said or how OP said it to make the teacher cry), I would make jolly sure I was seen to be following the parents expectations for that child. I would want to make sure I wasn't in her firing line again and if the child has SEN and I had 29 other children to supervise out the door with various parents wanting a word hand-holding is the only way to guarantee she doesn't get misplaced, wander off and I could make sure she is passed to the correct hands at collection time.

No it was an eye appointment that involved several stages, no chance to ring in between. I did say to the consultant when I first went to him that I had another DD to pick up from school - he assured me he wouldn't be long, then talked for 40 mins.