Meeting with headmistress - how would you handle this?

[donteatyourteawithnoknickerson]

I have a meet tomorrow morning with my daughter's head to discuss an issue the other week. DD (7) was left in the playground at homeitme, alone, with no supervision and without any teacher making sure she was safe.

I was running late from an appointment with DD2's eye consultant and he was telling me all about surgery DD2 is due to have. I got to school maybe 5-10 mins late and all the time I was on my way I was trying to ring school to let them know but the line was busy. When I got there DD1 was alone, crying, in the playground. I was later told that teachers had not checked all children were safe, and had gone back to classroom.

I went straight into office for an explanation. DD1's teacher came out and said DD1 should not have left her (which I have spoken to DD about) and it was DDs fault for not going back to classroom. I refused to accept this and wanted teacher to accept responsibility as the safeguarder of my child. Teacher started to quote policy at me - I responded by saying that you can deviate from policy if the course of action is justified and safer. I said to teacher that i needed to make sure she was safe. Teacher started to cry .

I said that I accepted her apology (which she did do eventually) and would leave it at that. However, DDs other teacher (they have a job share situation) has started to make DD1 hold her hand every time she goes out of school and has actively said to her "so you don't get lost again". I feel this is unreasonable especially since it has only started more than a week after the event. Teacher is asking for DD (according to DD) in front of the whole class and (in my opinion) making a target of her.

I have a mmeting in the morning - how would you handle this?

It's a shame and it's not ideal, and it's understandable that you were late given the circs, and ideally they'd've been able to answer the phone and sort it out, but..... you were late. I can't see how you need to say anything except 'sorry'!

malcontent please - I am not looking for approval for original event or otherwise - just advice on how to proceed...

In our school a Y3 child, if uncollected would be expected to be sensible enough to make their own way to the school office and alert the staff to the need to contact their responsible adult. I was under the impression that this was generally the case with KS2 children. If you do not feel that your DD can be relied on to do this then what do you expect the teacher to do other than make a point of telling your DD to hold her hand. It seems they are damned if they do and damned if they don't as far as you are concerned.

For starters, you need to apologise to them and then see what they have to say.

Ok. A flash of helpful advice and then back to normal service. What on earth have I got to apologise for? I don't expect an apology from them either -- that's not why I am going! I want to clarify what should have happened, what did, and how it can be made better!

But I don't think there should be any 'how to proceed', that's the thing! I do feel for you, it was a difficult situation and I'm sure you feel bad about it, but I don't think there's anything else to say other than 'sorry'!

I've done it too - I was unreachable once when nursery sent home early as the water supply shut off, and they were cross with me. And I was late to pick up at school once. It only ever occurred to me to feel guilty, not to blame anyone else!

"you should have received a copy of all school policies" - We have three arch-lever files to contain the school's policies! We'd need a forest to give all parents our policies. Like many schools we don't publish our policies on line, as there are so many of them, many go out of date quickly as we review our practice and we don't pdf them. We do point out in all brochures and newsletters that they are available in the office for people to read (they'd need an afternoon to read them all!) or they can ask for a copy of a policy, but need to pay for the photocopying. The only two policies people have every asked for are SEN and homework.

Did you apologise for being late?

What have you got to apologise for? you were late! Understandable, forgiveably, fair enoughly, but the thing which made this happen was that you were late!

Apologise for being late!

I think from reading this, you are a difficult customer and it is either your way or no way.

FGS. Ever wish you'd never asked something? Was your DC left unsupervised? Would you ever be upset if that had happened?

Believe me - I have my share of mummy guilt. This is not one of those cases. Meanwhile, I don't want the teacher to have guilt either... that was never my intention. I just want my child, and all the others, to be safe.

What normally happens? Do the children spill out into the playground looking for parents or is the teacher checking them off? If the former then I can't see that the teacher is in the wrong. Your dd may have wandered off looking for you and the teacher thought everyone had gone. If, on the other hand, the teacher has to spot parents before letting them go YANBU to make a fuss.

But you did ask...

And no, my children have never been left unsupervised because I made sure I wasn't late to pick them up.

There may be circumstances where a parent/person collecting the child is unable to ring the school to notify them that no-one will be coming to collect a child. An accident/sudden illness/if they were unconscious perhaps, or maybe broke down in a vehicle with no way to communicate (it is true that there are still some people who do not carry mobile phones).

It is critical that policies are in place for such eventualities, and such policies are robust, well communicated to staff, parents and pupils, and that they are followed.

What would have happened if you had not turned up due to circumstances beyond your control?

You have received some great advice on how to approach the meeting, I hope the school use it as an opportunity to refresh/recommunicate their policy. And that deliberate embarrassment being caused is stopped immediately. Good luck.

The latter normally happens.

Maybe "sorry I upset Mrs X and made her cry, but I was concerned about my DC." Explain why you were late (with an apology) and ask to discuss how we can prevent such a thing happening again.

"you should have received a copy of all school policies" - We have three arch-lever files to contain the school's policies! We'd need a forest to give all parents our policies."

Well, unfortunately, if a litigious parent ever decides to take legal action against the school, you would be on shaky ground- however, signposting them and making them available to parents will suffice.

Many schools have them online now.

The OP's reason's for being late are irrelevant when it comes to the school's actions- At hometime, a child whose parents are in a car accident and a child whose parents can't be bothered to leave the pub should be treated no differently; and neither should be left unsupervised in an unsecured playground.

You asked how to proceed - I think it's been quite strongly suggested that a good place to start would be 'sorry'. If you want people only to tell you how to get stroppy with them and make them cry a bit more, you're in the wrong place.

I've tried to say that I understand how tough it was and that you should must be feeling a bit guilty - but it's really no-one else's fault but yours, because you weren't there. Sorry and all that, but you weren't. And in an ideal world they would have been able to answer the phone and not had any other commitments so they could have taken dd inside and given her a biscuit and said 'mummy isn't going to be here on time, don't worry'. But it's you who broke your end of the contract, and not them. So be sorry, really.

I disagree.

I really don't think that the OP needs to apologise.

The OP didn't leave her child alone in the playground, the teachers did. That was not her fault.

From your posts it seems unclear whether the school policy would have been for a line of sight handover to an adult or for the onus to be on your DD to return to the school if there wasnt an adult to collect her.
It seems from the OP that the teacher had thought it was the latter, with you saying to her that she should have deviated from policy.

Hopefully at this meeting you will be able to establish what the policy is, and if your DD has additional needs that would mean the general policy was unsuitable for her.

Is there any possibility that you could have been percieved by the teacher as being more aggressive than you thought you were?

Well ks2 is different to ks1. Children can walk home on their own from our junior school. The classrooms open and the children swarm out. The teachers with classrooms round the back can't see anything and never come round to supervise. The rules are (for those being collected) that if no one turns up, go to the office.

So, if I was the op, I would clarify the rules and then work from there about what should happen in future if no adult turns up.

I think considering the policy changes in most schools between KS1 and KS2 then both parents and children need to be made aware of this. That's certainly what happens in most schools I've taught in. I taught Y3 for many years and we always sent a letter home at the beginning explaining what a big change it was and outlining which policies etc changed. This included many things such as end of day policy, change in lunchtime policy, the fact that during wet play one teacher would supervise two classes so they may be left unsupervised for a minute or two etc. Your DD should also be made aware of these so that she knows what to do if the unexpected happens.

As an aside, at my DC's school, if the phone is engaged it lets you leave a message which staff then pick-up and call you back if necessary. This seems a very sensible.

Oh and I'm sure if you go in tomorrow and put across to the HT that you're there partly because the incident upset your child and partly because both you and her would like to be clear about what to do if such a thing happened again then then it will be fine. Just be calm and reasonable and don't ask as though they strung her up and the HT should afford you the same reasoned discussion.

She did leave her child alone in the playground, because she didn't pick her up! Picking up at 3.15 is what you are supposed to do - not the teachers. It was her end of the bargain that wasn't upheld, not theirs.

If she was at our infant school she would be kept in with the teacher until someone arrived; if at juniors ie yr 3 which I infer yr DD is in, she would be sent out to find her own carer.

I'm hoping that a child who found no-one and eventually an empty playground would go in to the office - who IME would then try to contact the parent.

I would be very calm tomorrow if I were you and try to be concilatory. Is that right about KS2 at yr school then - release only to parent? So no year 5 or 6 walking home by themselves then?

I would check that if I were you because it is most unusual IME.