Actually, no, I don't think my son has ADHD, or sensory integration issues, or conduct disorder or behavioural 'problems'...

[WilfShelf]

...or any thing else that can be labelled and which individualises and medicalises the issue.

And the REAL issue is that there is a class of 30 children, and he is a little person who is different and he won't sit quietly like the girls (who are, after all, the 'model' for good behaviour in primary schools).

And the friendship dynamic with one particular group of children is dysfunctional and actually he is simply SAD because he can't feel like he has real friends and the school is not helping that.

And the recognition that he is a physical, creative person doesn't seem to fit the model of what a school child should be. The school seems to be becoming more rigid, more over-reactive: what to me seem quite 'normal' behaviour blips are being pursued with 'intervention'. I don't want it, and he doesn't need it.

Argh.

I live in a cultural desert: there is NO hope of finding a suitable alternative school, I need to work so can't home ed, so what do I do?

My mum is dead against me doing anything - 'he is such a lovely boy and he should be treated as the individual he is'. Unfortunately ds being an 'individual' appears to be a problem for the school. I think an assessment will either come up with issues that need to be addressed or confirmation that the issues lie with the school rather than ds. Either way I'm not stopping until its done.

'I have heard that teachers receive more in payment when a pupil has some health issues. That is why they try to attach this ADHD or Asperger's syndrome label to children who do not sit "still" and have some minor learning difficulties'

ROFL

StarkAndWitchesWillFindYou
ROFL?
Try harder and it might help you.
I am stopping to communicate with you. Good bye.

ROFL & PMS

I do wonder whether he is just one of those children that school teachers just don't like.

I'm absolutely lost for words

Once again, thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. It has all really made me think.

Just this morning actually, DS2 had a meltdown at home. It was very irrational and overreacting to a tiny infringement by his brother. I'm now beginning to wonder if there are patterns I just haven't been seeing in his behaviour: I have put it down to immaturity, being the middle child of a much older and somewhat younger brother. But perhaps not. I dunno. He can be hard to handle sometimes. But aren't LOTS of kids?

As I say, now I've got over the initial defensiveness, I guess I'll try and keep an open mind. I might post in the SN topic to see what others' experience is of this borderline stuff...

Come on over, we're a friendly and supportive bunch and you can get some interesting answers to weird questions that have surfaced in your mind.
FWIW, my son is mainstream, no TA support and taking 10 GCSEs this year. His Dx opened up the possibility of support strategies by the teachers, adaptations in language and materials, understanding of how to avoid pushing him into a meltdown, and how to cope if he was in one. Recognising what is hardwired and out of his control and different to NT.
For him, it's a key to enable him to access the support he needs.

What's PDA Len?

Pathological Demand Avoidance

Wilf - it is absolutely normal to be defensive and to disagree that what others think they are seeing and sometimes what you see yourself is anything other than normal. Most of the time it will be but I do think you are right to keep an open mind especially as your DS is so young.

I also think knowing what to do with a child on the fringes of a condition can be harder than dealing with a child who definitely has something wrong. It is really hard to know where 'normal' ends and the condition begins when the lines are so blurred.

I really hope you are right - you are his mother and know him best. Your DS could be fine and the teacher is making a fuss over nothing but, whatever the outcome, I hope things turn out OK for you.

Thanks Niecie. We've just had a pretty difficult afternoon, with some kids over to play. DS2 just couldn't cope with it, but today has been fairly awful full stop.

But I just remembered something else that I seem to have blanked out completely, and certainly haven't mentioned to the teachers (and need to)...

...DS2 has been under investigation since 4 months over his persistent chest problems. In the last year or two he had (I say 'had' deliberately) been on asthma medication, both blue and brown (steroids - QVar I think) treatments. Last spring the asthma nurse recommended stopping it: she didn't think his symptoms indicated asthma. But she was hesitant and said to come back in the autumn/winter if symptoms returned. And actually, symptoms have: he has this little light cough that he does all day - just a single cough. And then the return of coughing at night.

Now, the reason this is significant is - as DH reminded me - we have had phases of this slightly manic behaviour before - and it is really like when he's ill and so tired but can't cope, except instead of crashing quietly, he winds himself up. And as far as I recall, it DID abate when he was on the steroids. I think: we never really kept a close eye on it - it was always the coughing fits at night that troubled us the most.

So I'm going to keep a diary, including chest/cough issues. I suppose poorly controlled but low level breathing problems could be an issue: certainly when he was bad before he just wasn't getting proper sleep, which then impacted upon his daytime behaviour. He's sat next to me now, doing one little cough every minute or so.

Back to the asthma nurse, methinks. Although I'm still not ruling out the other stuff... I think I'm going to push to see a consultant now on this matter. And we have a peak flow meter which I think we'll start using (although he could never use it before)

He says he doesn't like it, that it is boring, that he only likes playing football at break time. But his teachers report that he is mostly very focused and hard working when in the class 'work'. At the review meeting last week, the teachers reported excellent, high level achievements, although as he is pretty much the oldest he can possibly be in his class, I take that with a pinch of salt (while patting myself on back at what geniuses I produce obv ) It is mostly the transitional times - lining up, sitting on mat, lunch and play time - when he gets in trouble.

I dunno Len: when he's good, he's really really good, when he's bad, he's horrid! It's REALLY intermittent. He definitely has these phases where he just can't cope with discipline, with stimulation, with any normal expectations.

And then other times, he is a little angel, a pleasure to take out and about, happy to play with others, follows rules and instructions.

PS I've posted over on the SN:children topic. Maybe better to carry this on over there?

And gotta go do bath/bed - back later...

'I do wonder whether he is just one of those children that school teachers just don't like.'

Hmm. MolliO I know you are going through a difficult time but honestly this is unlikely to be possible.

I am DEFINATELY a 'parent' that school teachers just don't like but I have absolute faith that this is NEVER taken out on my ds. It isn't how teachers work.