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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My daughter in year 1 is being stubborn, non compliant and disruptive, what can I do ???

147 replies

mummyloveslucy · 17/10/2010 18:29

Hi, my daughter is in year 1. She settled in really well, but recently she's being very lazy in class and quite stubborn. She does have moderate learning dificulties but I'm not using that as an excuse as she's capable of doing far more than she is.
The teacher told me that one day she'd taken 2 hours to coppy one line of writing. When she told her she'd have to stay in at break until she'd done another line, she did it within about 30 seconds.
Her teacher said that she dosn't seem to be doing it to be naughty, as she's always smiling and very polite but just isn't prepared to work hard.
Her P.E teacher said that she spent a lesson doing her own thing despite repeatedly being told to listen etc. She was also disrupting the other children.
I also find it quite hard at times at home getting her to either do as she's asked or even to join in a game and follow my rules. She seems to only want to do her own thing and dosn't like being told what to do. It's a nightmare! Even when I tell her a story, she interupts saying things like "No,a princess not a girl" I tell her if she keeps interupting I'll leave, she always does it again so I leave and she misses out.
I am always consistant with her but she dosn't seem to mind her punishments and dosn't really respond well to positive re-enforcement either.
I'm not sure what to do with her? We had a day out together today and she spent most of the day making stupid noises and just really trying to wind me up. it isn't fun to take her out at all.
Does anyone have any words of wisdome? I really feel I need to act now, as this behaviour won't get better on it's own.

OP posts:

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asdx2 · 18/10/2010 13:03

And I would add that please see that there is a need for urgency. The longer Lucy is left in an environment that is unsuitable for her the longer she is missing out on an education that could make a huge difference to her future prospects.
Dd at two years old (on diagnosis) had a developmental age of 6 to 12 months. She has been receiving autism specific intervention since 17 months old and now at 7 she is age appropriate if not advanced across the board.
Lucy could be learning real skills instead of copying from a board tbh and enabling her to achieve the best she is capable of.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 16:32

Hi, I did imagine when Lucy was a baby that she'd kind of be a little me. I loved ballet and I thought she'd probubly like it too.
When I realised on her first lesson that she didn't like it, that was that. She didn't do it again. She does at school because it's time tabled in.

She's not at the school because of the smart uniform etc. (She's usually got food all down it by the end of the day anyway).
Little Ladies is the name of the first nursery class, that's where you heard me mention it. I didn't say "I want her to be a little ladie" or simmilar.
I sent her to the school to start with, as I was so happy at my independant school. I was there from 3-6 years old and I loved it, I didn't like being moved at all.
I think I've kept her there as I thought she was happy and well looked after. The school has such a good reputation, I thought she's most likely to reach her potential there. I know all the children in her class and I know the are kind to her. I suppose I've kept her there to keep her sheltered and protected and happy. That's it.
I'm not really bothered how intellectual she is, as long as she does as well as she's capable of. I just want her to be happy and well behaved.

OP posts:

asdx2 · 18/10/2010 16:41

MLL it shines through all your posts how much you love Lucy and you only want her to be happy.You come across as a really nice kind and caring person just like I was before my ds was diagnosed with autism nearly 13 years ago. Then I realised being nice wasn't going to get him what he needed and what I wanted for him and so I turned into warrior mum, PITA mum bolshy and determined mum, whatever it took to get what he needed I did it. Behind closed doors I am still nice but don't let the LEA and the NHS know that because if they think they can fob you off they will.You love Lucy very much now's the time to be brave and fight because no one is going to do it for you and Lucy deserves the best chance in this life starting now. Good Luck x

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 16:47

Thank you. It dosn't come naturally to me beig a worrior mum, but I'm getting there. I'm certainly determined.

OP posts:

ColdComfortFarm · 18/10/2010 16:47

Right now it might not be easy for her to be both happy and 'well behaved' as defined by her school/society. My boy is not always 'well behaved' - he has mood swings and becomes disruptive when frustrated or overloaded with noise and people, he often ignores people when they speak to him, won't look you in the eye, talks very loudly, has no real desire to please his teachers etc etc etc... it's just part of his being autistic. He's not being 'bad' or 'naughty' he just marches to a different drum.
You obviously love Lucy very much and want the best for her. But IF she has these difficulties, then this particular nice little school might not be the right place for her.

ColdComfortFarm · 18/10/2010 16:49

And kind children are found everywhere, you know. One of my children has a child with Downs in their state school class, and he is treated with enormous kindness by all the pupils.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 16:55

I know there are kind children everywhere, but if they don't know Lucy she can be very hard to understand. When she has friends around to play, she'll be so excited and happy playing, then she'll just have enough and shut herself away. This can be very hard for her friends to accept let alone children who don't know her. You couldn't blame them for thinking "Oh sod her then".
It would help if she had someone she knows in the class really.

OP posts:

ColdComfortFarm · 18/10/2010 16:58

I completely apologise if you felt I was being rude to you. I totally understand your need to protect your vulnerable child and how scary change can be if you worry it will be a change for the worse. I don't do any autism specific therapies at all (think they are unproven tbh and know my son would hate being drilled) BUT I do insist on his needs being understood and catered to as far as is remotely possible within his school, and he has a 1-1 helper for his difficulties. And yes, I have had to be fierce and scary and thick-skinned to get that for him, so IME you do need to be less nice than you would like to get what your child needs.

ColdComfortFarm · 18/10/2010 17:00

She is still very young and children of that age are very accepting, especially if the teacher and TA understand her, realise she isn't being 'rude' or 'naughty' and help her with her play and interaction. I really do recognise a lot of Lucy's behaviour in my own child, who can certainly be downright odd (!) and he never gets teased by his classmates, even though he's older than Lucy.

asdx2 · 18/10/2010 17:04

So MLL have you got a plan? Check out all the schools that you could travel to daily and find out how good they are with SEN. Get together all Lucy's assessment reports and make appointments to see all the "good with SEN" schools taking the reports. Look on the IPSEA website and find the template letter for requesting statutory assessment.As soon as you have a school sorted forward the statutory assessment letter to the LEA. Phone DWP and ask for DLA claim forms, ask the GP for details of the continence service and arrange free pull ups for Lucy.Just think of what private SALT you could afford if you claimed DLA if you feel a bit bad about doing so because that's what I did to make me feel better.If you need help then shout on the SEN board there are loads of ladies still fighting for their children who'd be happy to help you know.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 19:50

Thamk you, I didn't think you were being rude ColdComfortFarm.

Sometimes I don't explain myself well enough.

I think everyones been really helpfull.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 19:59

I should also mention that she's a real actress and a bit of a drama queen.
She's always acting out senarios and putting on plays for us.
She is very confident and speeks in front of the class with ease and actually welcomes the chance.
She also has a wicked sence of humour.

I thought it was important to mention this as it's a big part of her personality.
I'm a bit aware that through the posts I've only put my concerns and perhaps haven't given the whole picture as she does have so many positives. Her teacher also said that it's hard to feel down when Lucy's around and that she lights up a room.

OP posts:

claig · 18/10/2010 20:28

Even her comment about "no, a princess not a girl" and her making stupid noises may be part of her wicked sense of humour. She sounds like she is starting to muck about more and wind people up. She may start acting the clown more over time, because that is always popular with other kids in a class.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 20:28

bump

OP posts:

asdx2 · 18/10/2010 20:41

MLL nobody would think for a minute that Lucy didn't have some lovely ways too. My dd (also called Lucy ) has autism but she is kind and polite, she has a wicked sense of humour and a good sense of fun, she's conscientious and ambitious too. She's also stubborn, awkward, moody,cheeky and occasionally naughty.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 20:43

Yes, she does like to entertain and probably feels that this is a way of making friends and getting people to like her due to her speech problems she probably relies on a bit of humour.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 20:45

Lucy's are fab!

OP posts:

asdx2 · 18/10/2010 20:49

Definitely and very chatty

MollieO · 18/10/2010 20:53

I've noticed a change in approach since ds went into yr 2. Behaviour that was tolerated in yr 1 really isn't now. There is a definite step up. If I knew in yr 1 what I know now in yr 2 I would have pushed harder to have ds properly assessed. Instead I feel that I am playing catch up having waited for improvements which haven't happened.

Ds is such a dramaqueen (king?) that his yr 1 teacher recommended he did a performing arts class.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2010 20:59

Lucy did do Stagecoach but we stopped it as it took up mous of Saturday.

I might see if she can do it again actually. It might help her confidence in her own abilities.

OP posts:

MollieO · 18/10/2010 21:05

Ds does Stagecoach. Takes up all of Saturday afternoon (he does the 3 hour class). Fab as it means I get a bit of time to myself at the weekend.

Interestingly he is very cooperative at the class and has a leading part for the Christmas show. No issues with his behaviour or failing to be involved there at all (all his teachers there seemed surprised that there were any problems with him at school).

asdx2 · 18/10/2010 21:07

My dd is a drama queen too probably because she learns how to express her emotions by copying from tv and books.So every slight difficulty is a tragedy and every positive is a triumph. Plus the fact she is obsessed by cinderella and sleeping beauty and truly believes she is a princess

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