Just told 9 year old Santa isn't real...

[Elfie23]

And feel awful!!

She was 9 in June so will be 9 and a half by Christmas.
She seemed to be growing out of it last year, didn't want to see the Santa float because it was 'babyish and knew that the Santa on that was just a man dressed up.

We do a secret Santa with family and SIL asked on text if we were doing again this year - all agreed and I said to DD can she help me pull the names out the hat as she usually does.

She then said some people at school said Santa isn't real (she's in yr 5 so the older kids are now turning 10) and she said he was but felt silly as they laughed...she asked me if he was real and I said what do you think, she shrugged and was asking me questions like how he can get into homes with no chimney (we are in a flat) etc - so I told her.

She was a bit upset but I told her Santa isn't a person but an idea and that she's now in the 'grown up' gang and her job is to help us make it exciting for the younger children etc

I feel bad but I guess it's part of growing up - does anyone have any believes older than 9?
This time next year we'll be looking around secondary schools so feel like it is time to grow up a little 😢

We’re limping along with my almost 8yr olds belief, which is younger than I’d like, I think 9 is more what I’d imagined. I told her about the tooth fairy a while ago as she asked me directly, but that’s probably made it harder to believe. She’s now asking about Santa but I basically avoid the question as I’m not ready 😣. I think you’ve handled it well.

Why? No need to have told her whatsoever.

Nearly 11yo dd is questioning the same things, I think deep down she knows but really she wants to believe for a bit longer. So I’ve not said anything. Also, she always brings it up when younger dd is right there so I’m left trying to get off the topic!

You’ve done it and there’s no going back so I’d try to find new traditions and ways to make it magical for her, she probably just needs a few days to get used to it.

Dd is year 6, not year 7. She’ll know before she starts secondary school

Often they know the truth on one level but also enjoy the belief. It’s right to answer truthfully when asked

I’m sad for you Op but I think you’ve handled it really well. Not much you can do when they ask directly!

Mine are 23 and 14 and would be furious if I had that conversation with them.

As far as they're concerned I still think they believe in Santa.

They've obviously learned when to stop talking about it with their peers but it never occurred to me to break the news.

Sigh..... another person who doesn't seem to know about St Nicholas (a real person who once existed) and how he evolved to become Santa Claus.
Santa WAS real. Why don't you tell your daughter about St Nicholas @Elfie23 ?

When they start asking questions like this, it's usually because they already have a good idea and they are testing you.
It's definitely the right time to have the conversation when it gets to this stage, you've done the right thing. Nothing worse than the other kids making fun of her-there is still so much magic in Christmas beyond the idea of Father Christmas.

I was the same age when my dad told me...remember it vividly - I can honestly say I wholeheartedly believed right up until when he told me. Yeah someone at school had laughed at me too and said "you do realise it's your mum and dad??" But I just thought they were being cynical and I didn't believe them. I thought they were the stupid ones!!

I don't remember being sad though, but yeah the memory sticks! There are lots of other ways to keep the magic and wonder side of things alive as she gets older!

I wouldn't have told her outright. I never told mine FC existed or not, just always said 'the story is' and did stockings.

This. She is a child for such a short time. Why not allow her 1 more year of magic?

Because she asked about the guy in red who comes down the chimney, and to be honest it was a on the spot thing so I just had to say that 'Santa' (the one she knows) is actually me.

I explained that Santa is an idea rather than a person and how she can now get involved from the more adult side of things (her dad and I split when she was 6months old, he has a 3 year old and another baby due in January) so she can keep the magic alive that way.

I do know the story of St Nicholas and how he wanted poor people to have a present at Christmas so no one was left out etc so perhaps I will explain that more to her if she has questions, but put on the spot I thought the best thing to do was to be honest

Oh no. Why did you do that? ☹️

We never said Santa wasn't. DD is 12 and we just carry on. We don't discuss. We just carry on doing the stocking - and the presents under the tree. I'm 100% sure she knows but we just don't want to pee on the magic.

So that she can be made fun of/laughed at by the other kids in school. Sounds like fun. Not. Poor kid will be feeling sad today/tomorrow but Im sure she would rather that than be laughed at by other kids at school.

Adults teach kids not to tell lies. And also tell them lies about santa. And then agonize about how to undo the lie. No need to lie to kids in the first place.
Kids have fantastic imaginations, they are very capable of "believing in Santa" without needing to be lied to.

You absolutely didn't need to tell her that. It's something that should be dragged out as long as possible IMO. She's just 9. My 12 yo gives me side eye but will be fully engaged with the Santa shizzle for possibly the last year. I don't understand why you'd do that?

Mine are adults and I've never told them he isn't real!

My Year 8 12yo tonight showed that she maybe still believes. After a conversation about her oodie and not knowing where it’s from, dd declared I wouldn’t know where it was from as she got it for Christmas.

This is pretty much the exact thing that's happened for her and I don't want the other kids to take the mick out of her.
She can be very sensitive at times and having kids call her a baby etc would be worse than me telling her the truth I think.

I am sad I've lost the last little bit of 'baby' about her - but that said, this time next year we'll be looking around secondary schools, and I guess they got to grow up at some point....it's a tough one that's for sure!

It's so hard OP. I am gearing up for this conversation with my June-born 9yo too. If she was at Primary school, I would have left it to rumble on a bit longer, but she's moved to middle school and I don't want her to be ridiculed by the older DCs. I'm fairly sure she knows as she's naturally quite sceptical and has asked some pretty probing questions for the last 2 years. I have always turned the questions back on her (politician-style!) up to this point, but will answer honestly this year when it inevitably is questioned again. However, I have The Fear that I will be the awful person who ruins Xmas for her.

Why would you not be honest? My nine year old asked in a similar way, and I was honest. But we kept the magic, last Christmas wasn’t any less fun for her. This year she’s already excited for Christmas. It’s a bit odd for a short while but they will get over it. I explained once you know you keep the magic alive for younger kids you know, and she liked that idea.

Yeah I felt it was the right time, she's growing up and the last thing I want is for others to make fun of her. She's not the most confident person so she can do without knocks like that.

I'm trying to sell it like you, to keep the magic going for the younger ones x

She asked directly, what's the point in lying when she's already doubting and her friend's know?

I find it hard to believe she really believe in Santa at 9. She has enough logic and reasoning to know deep down.

But she asked. You can't say "we don't talk about Sant!"