Just told 9 year old Santa isn't real...

[Elfie23]

And feel awful!!

She was 9 in June so will be 9 and a half by Christmas.
She seemed to be growing out of it last year, didn't want to see the Santa float because it was 'babyish and knew that the Santa on that was just a man dressed up.

We do a secret Santa with family and SIL asked on text if we were doing again this year - all agreed and I said to DD can she help me pull the names out the hat as she usually does.

She then said some people at school said Santa isn't real (she's in yr 5 so the older kids are now turning 10) and she said he was but felt silly as they laughed...she asked me if he was real and I said what do you think, she shrugged and was asking me questions like how he can get into homes with no chimney (we are in a flat) etc - so I told her.

She was a bit upset but I told her Santa isn't a person but an idea and that she's now in the 'grown up' gang and her job is to help us make it exciting for the younger children etc

I feel bad but I guess it's part of growing up - does anyone have any believes older than 9?
This time next year we'll be looking around secondary schools so feel like it is time to grow up a little 😢

Same here. As long as you believe, he will come!

Why not have a little magic in even grown-up lives?

We went with "Santa is a real custom" and that it was a custom based on love shown through gift giving to reflect the greatest gift of all at Christmas when God gave the World his dearly loved son, Jesus.

It is a custom to bring joy to children and to help them celebrate Christmas.

@AlexaCanYouHearMe not dramatic just a realist. Not a "moodhoover" either.
My kids love Christmas. Its great. For all the reasons people love Christmas.
But without adults telling lies.

This (above) explanation was given when the kids were teenagers. They liked believing and being left a gift so I'm sure they pretended..

I think it's the about right age to find out. Kids aren't stupid and will work it out. Once they start questioning it you may as well be honest. My eldest was about 9 when he directly asked me and I told him the truth. He said he knew at 7 but didn't say anything as he thought it would mean he wouldn't get any presents. I don't see the point in still pretending to a 12 year old it's real. They don't believe and there are other ways to make Christmas special.

@Elfie23 I think you did the right thing. I’m sorry it’s sad, I felt the same with mine.

but honesty and trust between me and my children is just as important, if so more important. so I had to be honest with such a direct question.

Thank goodness I wasn’t brought up to believe any of this. Knew the story of st Nicholas , winter solstice etc. but believed that different people celebrated in different ways and some didn’t celebrate at all.

9 is very late. I was 7 when I figured it out. She's not daft

We're mostly not Christian in this nation. Stop pushing for your religion to be preached.

She's been told she absolutely does not talk to anyone else about it apart from one older family friend who knows, I said it's not for telling but for other children to work out as they grow up.
I'm sad I've lost that bit of innocence from her but from the way she asked I felt like she knew and thought it best to tell her the truth.

And yet you celebrate a feast that is now based on Christian Bishop.

Why do you bother?

My DS was about 12. He told me as an adult that he continued to believe as he knew that his mum wouldn't lie. Ouch!
You did the right thing.

@LittleObe huh? I assume the OP either has a Christian background if her family is celebrating Christmas or is happy to celebrate knowing the whole thing is largely a Christian festival.
I wouldn't consider myself Christian but we celebrate Christmas in my family cos we like it.
I haven't got a religion to be "pushed" or "preached".

This is such a bizarre sentiment. Literally the entire purpose of Christmas is to celebrate the coming of Christ - it's inherently religious!

I can't get my head around the conviction on this thread that we're all somehow duty-bound to tell our kids about a made-up magical man who flies around the world handing out presents, yet if you want to tell them the actual historical reason for the whole event you're some sort of delusional fanatic. It's such an illogical mindset.

We're the same in our house. No one has ever spoken about him not being real. They might be grown up, but we still do all the traditions and talk about the presents Father Christmas has brought... although they do thank us for them now!

I've been there op. DS asked me if Santa was real, I asked him if he believed, he said no, so I confirmed it for him.

Then the little sod said: "Actually I didn't know he wasn't real. But I do now."

I think I cried. He is 16 now and we laugh about it.

I think you handled that very well.

When I was growing up no-one believed after about the age of 8 or 9 - certainly not beyond 10 - your friends or your siblings would let you in on the secret. But then it wasn't such a big thing either - just a nice thing. No one was very disappointed when they found out - presents still arrived. It seems to be a much bigger thing in past 20 years or so.

You can still continue the traditions you like. "Santa" (me) still brings a christmas stocking to everyone in our house (ages 22 up) but I don't pretend anyone believes in santa or that he is real (like that would be odd with a 22 year old wouldn't it?)

There is a little kid in DS class (yr 2) who gladly told everyone last year that Santa isn't real.
It was awful, and really difficult to navigate. I'm actually dreading this year because I know this kid will be at it again.
I really, really hope we get to 9 and him still believing but it doesn't seem likely

I wouldn't feel bad. She came to you because she felt embarrassed- other kids can be cruel, laughing, teasing or mocking.
It seems to me that you were honest to try to protect her from any more of that.
There is nothing wrong with telling her the truth and Christmas is still magical even if it's just a fun story and gifts from your lovely mum.
Also nothing wrong with keeping the story going, I just personally don't think the 'magic' stops when believing in Santa stops, as long as there are the other parts there - giving to others, charity etc., family, all the traditions you have, religion (for some), food and festivities. There is so much more to Christmas than Santa

My DS was about 12. He told me as an adult that he continued to believe as he knew that his mum wouldn't lie. Ouch!

This would be my fear as well. Most adults seem to assume that it's fine, because 'it's the magic of Christmas', but how do you know that children will see it the same way?

I also think that, once children start questioning whether Santa is real or not (as in the magic man who blasts around the world and visits thousands of millions of children in one night - not the historical St Nicholas), the game is pretty much up.

Let's be honest, it's a wild indefensible lie, once somebody is old enough to start actually thinking critically about it. I can't imagine many people seriously looking for pros and cons as to why the hypothesis might actually be proven or not.

My son and his friends, all believed in y5, but not yr6 - he has never directly said he doesn't though, now yr8. I'll be like my parents and never admit it. 😂

Posted this another a thread..

I was never told outright by parents, I just figured it out that you would have to believe in magic if you believed in FC, because as you get older you understand how big the world is , how many children there are in it, how long it takes to get from one place to another etc.

Once you stop believing in the ' all happens in one night' with a magical sack, flying reindeers, magic keys etc , you can move on to the next stage of enjoying it for what it is.

I know most parents do all sorts of gymnastics to keep the magic alive, sending presents to FC to deliver, FC just delivers one present and mum and dad and family members give all the others etc.

It's a sad time when a child no longer believes, and you always look back and think ' Did I make the most of those years' ?

I was 6 when I stopped believing. Kids at school said 'It's your mum and dad' which seemed so much more logical. I pretended otherwise for a couple of years though. 9 is pretty old to still believe, I think.

This sort of!

When they asked me about Santa - specific questions - I did explain that the ones in shops etc aren't real. Then another year or two later (again when asked) I hinted that although I had personal proof that he is real (I do, but it is too outing to explain here), he didn't actually visit every child in the world, that for some children their parents helped him out.

I also pointed out that many of their classmates will eventually be told by their parents that Santa doesn't exist, and that that may be for several reasons, but probably most often because of the cost of buying sacks full of presents. I also explained to them that if they ever tell me that Santa isn't real that it will break the spell and Santa will no longer be able to visit our home again. My children are mainly in their 40's now, but they still give me a list for Santa when I ask them for it... Bless them ❤️😁

Addendum: He only comes to my house now when I have any of them staying overnight on Christmas Eve 😜

I told my dd the truth when she asked outright. She was about 6. I did tell her not to spoil it for the other kids at school. Tbh I never had Santa growing up but still loved hanging up my stocking. DD definitely still into stockings aged 13 and now when she asks for something inappropriate I just say ask Santa. Plenty of magic and fun still in our Christmas