DD has sent another child inappropriate messages

[Realitea]

I feel absolutely awful about this. Dd is 11 and I just found out she’s been sending very rude messages to a boy in the year below. I’ve spoken to the mum. I felt so upset for her, me, the boy..
Dd has only had this phone for about six months and I thought I’d put all the parental blocking stuff on there. I remember doing it.
All her friends have phones but I just can’t let her have one now if she’s going to act so inappropriately. Why has she done this and what do I say to her when she gets home later? Anyone have any experience on how to handle this? There’s also a lot of really nasty bullying towards her and another girl on one of the apps they use.

[MakeadealwithGod]

Do you want to get the title changed from dad to dd?

[GrazingSheep]

Remove the phone completely- for her own sake.

[PastaCheese]

Parental blocks won't stop her sending messages unless you've specifically set that up

And not sure why you would as that's usually the point of a phone

Clearly she has proven she isn't ready for a phone. So it goes away for a while, if not a year+

On why did she do it? Why do kids so any of the weird and mean shit they do.

Maybe she was bored, annoyed, thought it would be funny.

[lovesunshine247]

I wouldn't remove the phone completely, but I would have a conversation with her about how to use her phone more responsibly and maybe stop her from using the app that is causing the problems

[gamerchick]

You take the phone away. She's too young emotionally to handle online life.

Be a parent. Take the tantrum on the chin

[Tigerteafor3]

I would remove the phone and work on the underlying issue. I would imagine that being bullied is leading to some of this behaviour but does not excuse it.

I would tell her that she would hope that her bully's parents take their phones away so you're doing the same until she can prove she is responsible enough.

[MaggieDragon]

She’s not ready for the phone. I’d take it away and reconsider in 6 months. Nokia brick if she needs it to speak to you.

[NadineMumsnet]

Hi OP - we've amended the title to save any confusion.

[Realitea]

Oh dear I managed to put dad instead of dd 😂 sorry everyone.
I agree - Nokia brick it is until she can be more responsible. Obviously too young to act responsibly and know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. It’ll save her a lot of bullying anyway by the looks of things

[Realitea]

I have to also make it clear by rude I mean explicit. That’s what’s shocked me the most.

[MissMaple82]

@NadineMumsnet

Hi OP - we've amended the title to save any confusion.

It's still Dad

[Hopeandlove]

Explicit in a sexual way?

take the phone full stop.

[MissMaple82]

I've had a similar thing happen, police ended up getting involved a d both kids got a stern telling off - seemed to do the trick

[GrazingSheep]

How did you find out about the messages?

[Coughee]

Sexually explicit messages at 11?? You need to have a good look at that phone and see what she's been looking at or been exposed to. I would also want to start with a gentle chat first to check whether anything concerning has happened

[Realitea]

@GrazingSheep the parent of the boy called me and told me. I’ve never been so upset in my life. Dd knows I have the passcode to the phone and that we can check whenever we want so I can’t believe she’s done this. I thought any kind of adult stuff was blocked using the parental filters

[NerrSnerr]

You still need to check what she's doing with parental controls. Is anything else going on? Does she mix with older children?

[itsgettingweird]

I agree about a chat.

I'd start asking her if she knows what "xxxx" means taking something she's said.

Also have you seen the stream of messages? Is it a 2 way thing or is she just sending the messages randomly?

Neither is ok but context is often the key.

I also agree with being worried about what she's been exposed to to have such language at that age.

[Tinaaaaarrrghhh]

When you say explicit do you mean like seating to a boy she likes or is she trying to insult or bully the boy with some kind of sexual language?

[Pieceofpurplesky]

Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?

[Tinaaaaarrrghhh]

Sexting

[Tinaaaaarrrghhh]

@Pieceofpurplesky

Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?

@Pieceofpurplesky

Shes 11 and in 7th grade. Who doesn’t know all about explicit terms and (I assume in this day and age) have seen quite a bit of adult online stuff out of curiosity by this time even if not on their own phone?

[FatAgainItsLettuceTime]

No parental block will stop photos being taken and shared or text being typed into an SMS and sent.

You can block download of apps, in app purchases, viewing explicit content in the browser apps and set limits on screen time etc.

[PastaCheese]

@Pieceofpurplesky

Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?

Why do you think an 11 year old wouldn't understand or know about explicit topics?

[PastaCheese]

@Hopeandlove

Explicit in a sexual way?

take the phone full stop.

What other way would it be taken?