Preteens
9 year old broke up with boyfriend
lizajayne · 19/06/2022 17:33
Rd age 9 has had a 'boyfriend's age 19 since they were in year 2 and year 3, usual stuff of kids playing at boyfriend and girlfriend when really just good friends, he has missed her o the cheek but that's it, he has has had other 'girlfriends ' at the same time and she either didn't like it or said they were just friends but they always made up. A few days ago he was dancing with a mutual friend of theirs and said ' I'm definitely not cheating' in a jokey way, she wasn't happy and broke up with him the next day. Today he came round with his mum to give her a card but she didn't want to speak to him and ripped the card up and threw out the window. Don't think the mum was very happy, but I feel like I can't force them to be friends, it's her choice after all? He was also saying to her the other day that he was going to make her jealous by 'dating' other girls. He'll be going to a different senior school to her anyway next year so it was always going to end somehow. But now I feel like the bad guy for not making them make up?!
Temporaryname158 · 19/06/2022 17:37
This all seems very high drama for a 9 year old! I think she needs to not have any boyfriends and learn what real relationships are about. Not forced friendships and ripping cards up!
taylorsdoinapart · 19/06/2022 17:38
Sounds dramatic for 9 year olds. Good luck when DD is a teen!
ItsSnowJokes · 19/06/2022 17:40
Wtf?!?!?!?! They are 9 years old. I was still hitting a rock with a stick at 9.
Stop with the drama, let her be a child, do not let this drama continue it is so damaging.
ShirleyJackson · 19/06/2022 17:41
Good god. Can’t you get her into French knitting or something?
Discovereads · 19/06/2022 17:41
She shouldn’t be having any boyfriends at age 9 kissing her and imitating adult sexual/romantic behaviours.That is far too young.
Paddingtonthebear · 19/06/2022 17:41
In no way would I be encouraging my 9yr old to “make up” with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I would tell your DD that it’s rude to rip up a card and that she should apologise for that. Other than that I would then be actively finding age appropriate activities for her to focus on instead of these pretty unhealthy “relationship” dramas!
MajorCarolDanvers · 19/06/2022 17:42
Sounds like she's been watching too much you tube.
MiniatureHotdog · 19/06/2022 17:42
Jeez. That's not normal for 9 year olds. Projecting and encouraging adult style relationships on young children is grim.
lizajayne · 19/06/2022 17:43
I have to agree it's too much drama for me, she can be a bit of a drama queen at times, I hope this is all going to die down as I have to see the mum at school and she has my number 😬 why couldn't be just give her the card at school tomorrow I don't know
Lbnc2021 · 19/06/2022 17:43
This is absolutely ridiculous for a 9 year old, why are you entertaining any of this?
Sirzy · 19/06/2022 17:44
he has missed her o the cheek but that's it
that’s it? They are 9 even that seems highly inappropriate to me.
tell her to wait at least another 5 years before getting into relationship drama
Paddingtonthebear · 19/06/2022 17:44
i would have have a quiet chat with the boys mum and say you are concerned all of this is completely inappropriate for 9yr olds. Because it is
YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 19/06/2022 17:45
Completely inappropriate for a 9 year old, wtf are you thinking of?
And I presume a 'boyfriend's age 19 is a typo ? 😱
OppsUpsSide · 19/06/2022 17:46
It’s very normal for children to have ‘boyfriends’/‘girlfriends’ at this age, often a bit of a nightmare in year 5 actually.
I don’t think you are wrong not to encourage them to ‘make up’ but ripping up the card and throwing it out the window wasn’t on, I would be having words about that
Pallisers · 19/06/2022 17:47
you should have been shutting down all of this talk right from the start. it isn't cute at that age. A constant mantra of "you are friends not boyfriend/girlfriend" and a constant squashing of fake adult talk and behaviour is what should have happened.
Stop the drama and inappropriate stuff right now. Talk to her like you would if she fell out with a friend - which is all that happened. And if that card says anything like "I'll be faithful" etc hand it back to the mother and say "Its about time the two of us put a stop to this ridiculousness don't you think"
TeenPlusCat · 19/06/2022 17:47
9yos shouldn't have boyfriends. They should have boys who are friends.
Parents and schools should be quite clear on this.
Anothernamechangeplease · 19/06/2022 17:47
Goodness! They are way too young for any of that shit! Let them just be kids!
BeautifulWar · 19/06/2022 17:48
WtF? Don't mean to sound like a pearl clutcher here, but where are they getting these ideas from? Perhaps I'm naive but what do 9 year olds know about cheating and why?
bloodywhitecat · 19/06/2022 17:50
YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 19/06/2022 17:45
Completely inappropriate for a 9 year old, wtf are you thinking of?
And I presume a 'boyfriend's age 19 is a typo ? 😱
I'm guessing he's 10 as the OP says it all started when they were in Years 2 and 3?
BeautifulWar · 19/06/2022 17:50
Are they acting out things they've witnessed either in real life or on TV? If so, that's not really age appropriate.
lizajayne · 19/06/2022 17:50
I'm glad is over tbh, I will tell her to say sorry but not sure if she will do it, he's a nice kid but too much really too young for 'boyfriend's' even if it's just playing at it and really just friends.
rodham · 19/06/2022 17:53
Stop encouraging this nonsense. And yes, you are. Or you wouldn't be giving it the headspace to post on here and talk about them breaking up, it ending etc.
ThisisMax · 19/06/2022 17:54
lizajayne · 19/06/2022 17:43
I have to agree it's too much drama for me, she can be a bit of a drama queen at times, I hope this is all going to die down as I have to see the mum at school and she has my number 😬 why couldn't be just give her the card at school tomorrow I don't know
Its almost like you think you have no control over the early sexualisation of your daughter. Ripping up cards, cheating with other kids. What is this? Eastenders for kids? Did you ever think this was all so inappropriate or are you tone deaf to proper parenting?
Nietzschethehiker · 19/06/2022 17:55
There is quite a lot really problematic with this. On a basic human level not challenging her when she dramatically ripped up cards and threw it is really not great parenting. Forget all the boyfriend girlfriend stuff for a second I would not be allowing that type of behaviour with anyone. She doesn't have to be friends with anyone she doesn't want but what did you do when she behaved like that?
However this girlfriend boyfriend stuff should have been shut down long ago. Mainly through sensible discussion about appropriate relationships. I train a lot about how to embed concepts around relationships (due to later safeguarding risks) and the parents fostering this too early is part of the discussion. Not challenging adult concepts in the right way and teaching appropriate relationships based on age brings , very often, a whole qorld of trouble later.
Take a sensible hand in this, you could have handled this. Did you do anything because in your first post (I accept you may not have mentioned it ) you don't seem to have done anything when they came around rather than stand passively ?
Nietzschethehiker · 19/06/2022 17:56
I would agree with PP it's one thing querying relationships (which needs an adult to sensibly explain about) but how often they even know about the concept of cheating ? That's really too old for them to understand truly
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