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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

9 year old broke up with boyfriend

104 replies

lizajayne · 19/06/2022 17:33

Rd age 9 has had a 'boyfriend's age 19 since they were in year 2 and year 3, usual stuff of kids playing at boyfriend and girlfriend when really just good friends, he has missed her o the cheek but that's it, he has has had other 'girlfriends ' at the same time and she either didn't like it or said they were just friends but they always made up. A few days ago he was dancing with a mutual friend of theirs and said ' I'm definitely not cheating' in a jokey way, she wasn't happy and broke up with him the next day. Today he came round with his mum to give her a card but she didn't want to speak to him and ripped the card up and threw out the window. Don't think the mum was very happy, but I feel like I can't force them to be friends, it's her choice after all? He was also saying to her the other day that he was going to make her jealous by 'dating' other girls. He'll be going to a different senior school to her anyway next year so it was always going to end somehow. But now I feel like the bad guy for not making them make up?!

OP posts:
jewishmum · 19/06/2022 18:37

This is clearly not meant to be happening and the mother would not have made a post unless she was aware that there was something off with this.

Let's support mum to learn a way how to take control and stop this happening rather than critisising..

SlatsandFlaps · 19/06/2022 18:38

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 18:29

Ergh I’m not even going to engage with you. I’ve seen you posting like this on other threads too. Nuts.

Posting like what?! Showing concern for the welfare of a child being sexualised at 7yrs old?!? Perfectly normal behaviour from most mothers

SlatsandFlaps · 19/06/2022 18:39

YingMei · 19/06/2022 18:35

Wtf? My 9 year old DD is climbing trees and playing tag with her friends. A 'boyfriend' and breaking up with someone would be so far from her radar. I can't really recognise this from anything I know about 9 year olds

Same

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 18:39

There’s very little we can do about what other kids are exposed too and are talking about at school unfortunately. All the kids in my daughters class has their own phones and are on Tik Tok, YouTube etc. Mine hasn’t asked for any of this yet thankfully and it would be a firm no.

liveforsummer · 19/06/2022 18:40

jewishmum · 19/06/2022 18:37

This is clearly not meant to be happening and the mother would not have made a post unless she was aware that there was something off with this.

Let's support mum to learn a way how to take control and stop this happening rather than critisising..

She wasn't asking how to stop it though and doesn't appear to feel there's much wrong or unusual about her 9 year olds 3 year relationship. The part she was questioning was if she should have made them make up

Pumperthepumper · 19/06/2022 18:41

You need to message the boy’s parents and tell them to back off. Labelling your 9 year old a drama queen because she doesn’t want to pretend to be in a relationship is horrible.

Pumperthepumper · 19/06/2022 18:42

YingMei · 19/06/2022 18:35

Wtf? My 9 year old DD is climbing trees and playing tag with her friends. A 'boyfriend' and breaking up with someone would be so far from her radar. I can't really recognise this from anything I know about 9 year olds

And yet, here you are.

HoobleDooble · 19/06/2022 18:42

I remember having a 'boyfriend' at infant school in the 70s but my parents, if they even knew, definitely didn't take it seriously and I never saw him outside school. We held hands in the playground shelter once and shared my Yo-yo biscuit at break time. He moved away with his family the next year ... I don't assume he's stayed faithful to me 😂😂😂

WhiskerPatrol · 19/06/2022 18:43

Please don't allow your NINE year old child to be sexualised in this way. She will be so vulnerable to predators if you allow her to think romantic adult behaviour is normal at her age. You're pretty much doing the grooming for them if you let this nonsense go unchecked.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/06/2022 18:46

This is what happens with the 'oh we love watching Love Island together' bullshit. Watch David Attenborough and play in the park. It could be a teachable moment about consent and relationships but I doubt it will be as you seem to think helping them 'make up' is a remotely reasonable option.

I'm so old.

Pumperthepumper · 19/06/2022 18:48

At no point has the OP mentioned love island, tiktok or any inappropriate social media. Please remember that a lot of people didn’t grow up with reasonable guidance around childhood relationships before you stick the boot in.

redbigbananafeet · 19/06/2022 18:50

ItsSnowJokes · 19/06/2022 17:40

Wtf?!?!?!?! They are 9 years old. I was still hitting a rock with a stick at 9.

Stop with the drama, let her be a child, do not let this drama continue it is so damaging.

Still hitting a rock with a stick! 😆 That gave me a good chuckle. As it should be at 9! X

DuckBilledPlattyJoobs · 19/06/2022 18:51

WTAF? Why are you condoning this nonsense OP?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 19/06/2022 18:53

She's 9. Nine. Why are you allowing this, let alone going along with it? SHE'S ONLY NINE.

Beaucoup · 19/06/2022 18:54

I’ll say it really clearly OP.

you have encouraged this bullshit by calling it innocent/jokey.

no talk - absolutely no talk - about boyfriends and girlfriends needs any degree of encouraging at this age. There’s nothing remotely “innocent” or “jokey” about it.

you stamp it out and move on.

You haven’t done that and now there’s such drama spoiling the innocence of childhood. They should be climbing trees and scraping knees and not talking an iota of boyfriends.

Figgygal · 19/06/2022 18:55

What a load of nonsense theyre 9!!!

Escourtie · 19/06/2022 18:56

Ur child is 9 and Boyfriend is 19 Im sorry but that is wrong on so many levels

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/06/2022 18:58

I thought this was about a 19 year old. She’s 9! 9! Why is this happening with a 9 year old?

SummerPuddings · 19/06/2022 18:58

Nietzschethehiker · 19/06/2022 17:55

There is quite a lot really problematic with this. On a basic human level not challenging her when she dramatically ripped up cards and threw it is really not great parenting. Forget all the boyfriend girlfriend stuff for a second I would not be allowing that type of behaviour with anyone. She doesn't have to be friends with anyone she doesn't want but what did you do when she behaved like that?

However this girlfriend boyfriend stuff should have been shut down long ago. Mainly through sensible discussion about appropriate relationships. I train a lot about how to embed concepts around relationships (due to later safeguarding risks) and the parents fostering this too early is part of the discussion. Not challenging adult concepts in the right way and teaching appropriate relationships based on age brings , very often, a whole qorld of trouble later.

Take a sensible hand in this, you could have handled this. Did you do anything because in your first post (I accept you may not have mentioned it ) you don't seem to have done anything when they came around rather than stand passively ?

What are you supposed to do if kids say they are boyfriend & girlfriend? Surely banning it would just make more of a drama?

My DS age 9 has a 'girlfriend' but they are just best mates really. She comes for tea, they bounce on the trampoline, they sing songs they like together.

I don't think you need to read too much into what is quite an innocent thing.

It doesn't happen with all kids. But some it does.

qpmz · 19/06/2022 18:59

Your 9 year old got a boyfriend aged 19. What?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/06/2022 18:59

Escourtie · 19/06/2022 18:56

Ur child is 9 and Boyfriend is 19 Im sorry but that is wrong on so many levels

I assume that's a typo. Let's hope so because otherwise it's not just inappropriate, it's illegal.

SummerPuddings · 19/06/2022 19:07

qpmz · 19/06/2022 18:59

Your 9 year old got a boyfriend aged 19. What?

It's clearly a typo! 🙄

Givemeallthegin8 · 19/06/2022 19:09

What have I just read 😣
Shes 9?!!! I’ve a 9 year old and although she’s mature for her age, she is no where near the level of boyfriend / girlfriend . You say he kissed her on the cheek ? How are you ok with this ?

ive read some strange things on mn but am honestly shocked how relaxed you are. I wouldn’t entertain this at all

Why2why · 19/06/2022 19:16

SummerPuddings · 19/06/2022 18:58

What are you supposed to do if kids say they are boyfriend & girlfriend? Surely banning it would just make more of a drama?

My DS age 9 has a 'girlfriend' but they are just best mates really. She comes for tea, they bounce on the trampoline, they sing songs they like together.

I don't think you need to read too much into what is quite an innocent thing.

It doesn't happen with all kids. But some it does.

Show quote history

You missed the bit about cheating, kissing (on cheek) and a lot of grown up thinking and ideas. It takes it up a notch from silly kiddy girlfriend-boyfriend stuff.

The whole breaking up and forcing to have this “romantic idea” relationship by the boy’s mother just adds to this nonsense. The poor girl is a victim in all this stupidness.

HSKAT · 19/06/2022 19:18

They'll be back together by Wed