9 year old broke up with boyfriend

[lizajayne]

Rd age 9 has had a 'boyfriend's age 19 since they were in year 2 and year 3, usual stuff of kids playing at boyfriend and girlfriend when really just good friends, he has missed her o the cheek but that's it, he has has had other 'girlfriends ' at the same time and she either didn't like it or said they were just friends but they always made up. A few days ago he was dancing with a mutual friend of theirs and said ' I'm definitely not cheating' in a jokey way, she wasn't happy and broke up with him the next day. Today he came round with his mum to give her a card but she didn't want to speak to him and ripped the card up and threw out the window. Don't think the mum was very happy, but I feel like I can't force them to be friends, it's her choice after all? He was also saying to her the other day that he was going to make her jealous by 'dating' other girls. He'll be going to a different senior school to her anyway next year so it was always going to end somehow. But now I feel like the bad guy for not making them make up?!

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?
Not only are you allowing and encouraging this by the sound of things so is the boys mother, WHAT?! None of this is age appropriate. It's common for the idea of bf/gf to come up around that age but a swift discussion surrounding friends and relationships nips it in the bud and saves alot of heartache down the line. This whole situation is insane, how do they know the dynamics of cheating and multiple girlfriends, the drama of ripping up cards? Have you checked what viewing material she's accessing? This is really freaking me out and all you are worried about is his mum being pissed off about a card!?!
This scenario is the kind of thing that leads to cruel labels and teenage pregnancy that seems dramatic but it's true!
The mind boggles it really does

This was pretty standard when I was in year 2/3- I’m surprised that pp are surprised!

I got ‘married’ in year 3. We kissed. There was some awkwardness because the vicar was my husbands ex girlfriend.

We got divorced in year 6. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly disturbed by the episode because it was just play acting. There was certainly nothing sexual about it.

Weird.

We weren’t watching Love Island back in my day and this stuff still went on. Relationships were all around us, and we read books- I don’t think we needed dodgy reality TV to come up with these situations.

The kids but I don't have that much of a problem with, although it makes me cringe.

The part I have a massive issue with is the parents facilitating matters.

Kill the fucking drama.

I agree that it's all ridiculously inappropriate

BUT

I think it's worth highlighting the daughter's excellent take-no-shit enforcement of boundaries in the face of her boyfriend trying to fuck with her head over whether he's cheating or not.

Given that they are indulging in this kind of roleplay, stressing to him that such behaviour is completely unacceptable is a good thing. If he's led to believe that he can get away with it - and if the daughter is led to believe that her life supporters will encourage her to take everything her boyfriend dishes out - those messages will continue as they grow into adulthood and serious relationships.

TL;DR - no, you definitely should NOT tell her to apologise and take him back.

What tf am I reading here? This is repulsive.

WTF? Give your child a copy of Swallows and Amazons and a skipping rope, turn off the TV and send her out into the garden!

This is all a load of nonsense completely inappropriate for 9 year olds — you need to take charge, stop her watching whatever she’s watching that’s not remotely age appropriate (including social media); and teach her some proper childhood games to play. She’s 9 not 16 FFS!

I’d contact the school and ask them when do they do sessions on friendships in school is important for the school to talk about appropriate relationships good relationships et cetera and not leave the television to decide

You tell them they are 9 years old and boyfriends and girlfriends are for when they are older. But it's fine to have friends. I don't get the 'what are you supposed to do'? parent maybe?

How embarrassing!

Fucking hell. I couldn’t quite believe I was reading about a 9 year old. Does she have free reign over what she’s exposed to?

What the hell have I just read? Do not allow your 9 year old to have boyfriends. Jeez.....

Why are you even entertaining discussing this, she's 9 years old, she should be playing out having fun, not getting involved in boyfriend drama!

I think it's worth highlighting the daughter's excellent take-no-shit enforcement of boundaries in the face of her boyfriend trying to fuck with her head over whether he's cheating or not

Not enough 🙄🙄 in the world for this.

This isn't a spitited, Independant 16 year old flying a flag for feminism. It's a nine year old little girl having a tantrum.

Not something I'd be encouraging, indulging or applauding from any 9 year old.

And the tone of the op - the level of acceptance of this boyfriend/girlfriend shit and adult themed talk of cheating and taking someone back - fucking bleughhh. Makes me feel a bit sick.

Girlfriend/boyfriend at that age isn't a sexual thing ffs. At that age it's saying, "this person is mine and no one else is allowed to play with him/her!" with a bit of handholding. My primary school used to have a fake postbox for Valentine's Day so children could post secret love notes to the kid they fancied. I remember it well because I never got one lol. Best friends change every week at that age too. It's just children figuring out their minds and personal boundaries. Let them get on with it.

And this, my friends, is what happens when you don't parent your kids and instead let them watch video content / TV aimed at older audiences. 9 year olds trying to behave like 15 year olds by mimicking behaviours they've watched on the telly. So sad.

At that age it's saying, "this person is mine and no one else is allowed to play with him/her!" with a bit of handholding

And can you not see the harm in that??

Nine?
9 years old?

My primary school used to have a fake postbox for Valentine's Day so children could post secret love notes to the kid they fancied.
Times change though. All sorts of things used to be acceptable but they aren't now.

At 9? No. How do you think people figure out how relationships work? They don't just wake up at 18 and know what to do. They learn by playing them out. The OP's daughter now knows she doesn't like boys trying to make her jealous. The boy now knows he was wrong to try to make her jealous.

Well yes occasionally primary age kids may say they have boyfriends/girlfriends. But talk of cheating and all this associated drama...no way. Parents certainly shouldn't be validating this kind of behaviour or encouraging it.

I think you should encourage them to get back together and try for a baby as soon as her periods begin. Then when she's pregnant you can go hat shopping with his mum for their wedding and all move into a nice big house together. Because this is obviously your imaginary Sims game you're talking about right.

This type of inappropriate behaviour, being encouraged by adults (dating/ breaking up & getting back together/ kissing/ talk of cheating) would be a safeguarding concern in my school.

Parent your child & stop using her to play out an episode of Love Island

You don't think that's problematic at all????