Rd age 9 has had a 'boyfriend's age 19 since they were in year 2 and year 3, usual stuff of kids playing at boyfriend and girlfriend when really just good friends, he has missed her o the cheek but that's it, he has has had other 'girlfriends ' at the same time and she either didn't like it or said they were just friends but they always made up. A few days ago he was dancing with a mutual friend of theirs and said ' I'm definitely not cheating' in a jokey way, she wasn't happy and broke up with him the next day. Today he came round with his mum to give her a card but she didn't want to speak to him and ripped the card up and threw out the window. Don't think the mum was very happy, but I feel like I can't force them to be friends, it's her choice after all? He was also saying to her the other day that he was going to make her jealous by 'dating' other girls. He'll be going to a different senior school to her anyway next year so it was always going to end somehow. But now I feel like the bad guy for not making them make up?!
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BadNomad · 19/06/2022 21:02
Girlfriend/boyfriend at that age isn't a sexual thing ffs. At that age it's saying, "this person is mine and no one else is allowed to play with him/her!" with a bit of handholding. My primary school used to have a fake postbox for Valentine's Day so children could post secret love notes to the kid they fancied. I remember it well because I never got one lol. Best friends change every week at that age too. It's just children figuring out their minds and personal boundaries. Let them get on with it.
GrazingSheep · 19/06/2022 21:33
At that age it's saying, "this person is mine and no one else is allowed to play with him/her!" with a bit of handholding
And can you not see the harm in that??
SummerPuddings · 19/06/2022 18:58
What are you supposed to do if kids say they are boyfriend & girlfriend? Surely banning it would just make more of a drama?
My DS age 9 has a 'girlfriend' but they are just best mates really. She comes for tea, they bounce on the trampoline, they sing songs they like together.
I don't think you need to read too much into what is quite an innocent thing.
It doesn't happen with all kids. But some it does.
Nietzschethehiker · 19/06/2022 17:55
There is quite a lot really problematic with this. On a basic human level not challenging her when she dramatically ripped up cards and threw it is really not great parenting. Forget all the boyfriend girlfriend stuff for a second I would not be allowing that type of behaviour with anyone. She doesn't have to be friends with anyone she doesn't want but what did you do when she behaved like that?
However this girlfriend boyfriend stuff should have been shut down long ago. Mainly through sensible discussion about appropriate relationships. I train a lot about how to embed concepts around relationships (due to later safeguarding risks) and the parents fostering this too early is part of the discussion. Not challenging adult concepts in the right way and teaching appropriate relationships based on age brings , very often, a whole qorld of trouble later.
Take a sensible hand in this, you could have handled this. Did you do anything because in your first post (I accept you may not have mentioned it ) you don't seem to have done anything when they came around rather than stand passively ?
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