How important do you think learning to swim really is?

[Falconhoof1]

My DS 9 hates being his head wet or putting his face in the water. He had a meltdown a year or so ago at swimming lessons and I stopped taking him. When I've taken him to the pool myself he just wades about in the shallow end and refuses to go deeper even with me holding him and a pool float. I've always thought it important but considering the stress he goes though, is it really? Barring any freak accidents he's not likely to be in a watery environment if he never wants to go swimming.
My personal feelings are that he's missing out on the fun of swimming. But if he doesn't see it as fun and never wants to, is that an issue?
I never had any problems like this with my DD 13. She just wanted to do it, but he's so different. What do you think?

Thanks again for the replies. I didn't mean to start an arguement! There's a hotel pool nearby that I believe does 1:1- at a cost! That along with his new goggles might be just what he needs. We are going to center parks this year with my brother's family and he (my DB) is anxious about DS not being able to join in but maybe that's the wake up call DS needs of he hasn't progressed by then.

Just from an adult perspective, my DH can't swim and it definitely impacts on his enjoyment with the kids - can't take them swimming/go in the sea etc - but also from a safety POV can't jump in and help them if they fell into deep water. We live near a river and it was a real worry when they were toddlers.
Obviously your son is struggling with the water but for the adult he will become I think it's worth exploring every avenue!

Op I have sent you a pm!

At Center Parcs they have lazy river if you are going to one that has it - they cruise round a loop on a very gentle current - my non swimmers loved this last year and gave them lots of confidence

Essential. He doesn't have to grow up to be a swimmer but he needs to have the ability.
I have a housemate who never learned and it limits her enjoyment of holidays. Another friend who never learned and is terrified of small boat trips. It comes across as quite juvenile in adulthood.
I didn't like getting sore eyes and rattely ears. I didn't like being roared at by the swimming teacher or splashed by the other children. I'd say get him some goggles and earplugs and some 1-1 lessons. When he can doggy-paddle a length then leave it be.

I can’t swim very well but wish I could. I can’t find any adult lessons near me. It really does impact holidays and such, I’d love to feel confident to go in big water slides etc. But I’m not. Luckily my DH is a strong swimmer so our kids have someone to take them on all the fun things. Swimming lessons for my kids is important, my 5 year old started last year and can already swim better then me!

My DS was very very nervous, much like yours whenever we went swimming he would sit on the pool steps sulking or crying, screaming, saying it was cold. I took him to lessons and he had a wonderful teacher, who actually got him to go in the water... that teacher left so we were back at square 1.

Then we went on holiday with cousins to a villa with a pool. DS couldn’t play, couldn’t do cannonball, couldn’t go down to the deep end with them, had to stay with the babies etc. He conquered his fear and learned to swim in one week.

When we got home I booked him lessons at a better place where they are really kind and patient and he is getting badges every 6 weeks. I can’t believe the change. It was seeing his cousins do it and not being able to join in that did it - could you take him swimming with some friends?

He won’t be able to go to pool parties given by friends when he gets bigger if he can’t swim. I used to go swimming just with my friends all the time from about age 10.

Sorry, just seen your post about center parcs. That could well be the turning point! Good luck!

It may have been said but surely those swimmer vs non swimmer stats will always show a higher ration of swimmer deaths because swimmers are more likely to be actually out in the water doing swimming (and then drowning) than non swimmers, whose deaths are probably more accidental than coming in to trouble whilst on a regular swim.

Those stats needs breaking down tbh.

Mymy, quite. It’s a bit like saying don’t learn to drive as you’ll have more chance of dying in a car accident.

Swimming lessons are pretty horrible if you hate it. I love swimming and have MS so discovering my dd wasn't really up for it was tough.
We just took it very slowly. Stopped the formal lessons. She had swimming at school and they actually tried to put her in a "higher" group because, under pressure, she can do ok. But I didn't want her under pressure and I wanted her to enjoy it as best she could. So I asked for a lower group and went swimming with her every weekend to have her show me what she did in her school lessons.
She's not the strongest swimmer and doesn't really enjoy competitive stuff. But we lark about together. And yes, she can now put her face in the water. She prefers not to but she can do it.

My dd was about 9 when she was able to swim. I swam from Age 4. She does what works for her. I'm pleased and proud she can.

Exactly. I am sure the skydiving stats shows a higher ratio of skydiving deaths in people who were taught to sky dive. People who didn’t learn and never go skydiving never die of skydiving. Shocker that

So not learning to skydive dramatically increases your chance of survival in skydiving accidents

Put aside drowning risk.

It's a pain to not be able to swim. Heck, it was a pain for me as an adult to be a bad swimmer. You get left out socially & can't keep up & have less fun & feel like a dork & yes take less risks -- this is party bad, taking risks is good for our self-confidence. I'm proud of myself that I successfully helped make my kids into strong swimmers.

I already said to OP I'd work on making sure he did a very competent doggy paddle. There's also breaststroke style that doesn't require getting face wet. Start with where you are.

Totally, 100% essential that he learns to swim. If he doesn't do it now he may never take it up as an adult. He'll then be at a disadvantaged later on in life when his friends do activities that he can't be involved in. It's a life skill that is so important. You need to find a really sympathetic teacher used to dealing with nervous kids. My 7 year old was terrified of putting his face in the water when he was younger, but by the third lesson with a different teacher he was doing it happily and now he swims like a fish. Make sure you go every week too even if he does just sit in the shallow end. At least he will become more used to the water instead of less!

I’m another adult who’s perfectly content with not being able to swim (or ride a bike). I tried but didn’t enjoy either, hey ho. I’ve made it to 51 without it being an issue. And I’ve had some amazing holidays, travelled the world, done all sorts of fabulous things.

My kids have both learned to swim (DP is a keen swimmer, so he pushes this) but I can’t honestly say it’s been a huge game changer for us as a family. They have sometimes swum in a pool with or without DP while on holiday while I sat by the pool reading a book. That’s about it I think.

Kids can also ride a bike well but tbh we as a family all prefer going walking. So no missing out on anything there either. I’m sure you’ll all tell me I’m wrong.

I live in a land locked area with plenty of pools , rivers , lakes ect but I can’t swim I’ve survived this long
Maybe he will do it when he is ready
I go into the water in fact last year I went in to a pond after my dog
I think you should make him aware that water can be dangerous but also fun

I think it's so so important for children to learn to swim. I know it's extreme but it could be the difference between life and death. I understand it can be difficult though when children are wary around water.

He sounds a lot like my DS1 - he really struggled with learning, hated cold noisy pools, hated getting his face wet, went to group lessons for years and didn't progress as other kids came and went through his level.

We have a pool tho so it really was non-negotiable for him. We tried a few different 1:1 instructors, and eventually found one he clicked with, who took it very slowly at his pace, and gradually he improved. He will never love swimming, looks awkward and ungainly, but has the skills to keep himself afloat if necessary.

Just as well too, as he completely surprised me by taking up both rowing and sea-kayaking in his mid-teens.

Interestingly he can't ride a bike either.

If it hasn't already been mentioned: take the pedals and crank shaft off his bike. Just let him push with his feet. Find a few gentle hills to go down. He needs to learn to balance by gliding around. Once he can glide a few meters without putting his feet down put the pedals back on.

Ignore all the s/he must learn to swim or ride a bike by such and such an age. That's just competitive parenting nonsense. So what if little [insert name] could swim or ride a bike at 3. That isn't you or yours.
Let them come to it in their own time with your support and hopefully a nudge from school classes. Our very ordinary primary did both in Y5 and that helped incentivise my dd.

My brother hated swimming and my parents never pushed the issue. He drowned as an adult after falling off a boat into the river. If he could swim better, he may have survived and I know my mum has a lot of 'if only's' in her mind.

Its one of the many life skills parents should teach their children such as crossing roads, not touching electric fences etc.

A lady I work with never swam and was not worried until she became a mum. She had to watch her family have fun in the sea and sat on boats while they learnt to snorkel. After 40 years - she took lessons so she would be part of it all.

I think it's worth pursuing if you can.

Chances are that he's not going to fall in the river or be in a situation where he might drown. It could happen though and the important thing isn't that he can do a perfect breaststroke, but that he could save his own life. I imagine that there are few situations whereby being able to drive or ride a bike would save a life, but swimming is a bit different. Everything becomes harder as you get older as the fear heightens. Fast forward to the future, with children of his own, he wouldn't be able to teach them or be confident to save them should something happen.

I would definitely look into 1:1 sessions at a small pool.

The thing is, it’s the massive outcome of death associated with falling in to some water and not having any hope at all of saving yourself without assistance. Vs not riding a bike or drive which is unlikely to kill you if you can’t do it. If you can swim a bit you at least have a chance. If you can’t and no one can get to you.... dead sadly. It’s all about hedging your bets.

I agree with Bumble and Bertrand and think Ive probably read the same research as them too. You're far more likely to drown as a swimmer than a non swimmer, because you're more likely to take risks and get yourself into situations that you can't get out of, and so drown. Like those who swim and drown in the local quarries etc..

Neither My husband, father* nor my grandfather could swim. And none of them drowned, because they never really went near water. So, it has never been an issue that has affected their lives. As a swimmer, I think DH has missed out... but as DH points out, he never learnt to swim because he never liked swimming, so he's not missing out on something he's always hated doing. I kind of get his point. I can't play tennis,do I think I'm missing out? No because I don't enjoy tennis and so don't want to learn. I can see where he is coming from.

So yes, we have holidays in hotels with a pool but DH doesn't really swim, he'll paddle but wouldn't go out far because he doesn't like it.

I think if your son can be talked round with 1:1 lessons, then swimming is great, but it's not something I would force. Many people never learn to swim and in the UK, it's fine so long as he's sensible with the risks. He can always learn when he's older. My dad eventually learnt to swim when he was in his sixties. He still doesn't like it though, and so never goes....

• Dad couldn't for 60 odd years