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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 YO DS broken car window at school

122 replies

bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 18:35

I found out today that DS1 (year 8) broke a window of a staff member's car on Wednesday.

He was mucking around throwing acorns and one hit the window which broke.

He didn't own up. Somhow the school found out it was him so he did then admit it. He didn't tell me.

The first I knew was a phone call from school.

What do you think a suitable punishment would be? He will be paying for the window (£194!) from his own money.

He will be writing to the owner of the car.

I am most upset that he didn't own up to the school or me. I guess he thought he might not be found out by the school, but then when the school found out, he knew they'd tell me. I suppose he was delaying the inevitable.
The actual incident itself was foolish rather than malicious and I think having the pay to replace the window is punishment enough for that.

He knows how upset I am to recieve a phone call and not know whether it's because he's been picked to represent the school for something, or that he's been misbehaving. He is academically doing very, very well, as he is in sports.

I have told him that I feel betrayed (that he could snuggle up with me yesterday telling me about his day). It makes me feel like not doing stuff for him, so I suppose that's a good punishment - though it gets difficult when he's letting other people down by not going to Scouts etc.

There is a Scout event next weekend which he's been looking forward to for a year so I've a good mind to cancel that.

OP posts:
LindsayWagner · 30/09/2011 18:40

I think paying for the window is more or less enough, after stern words.
He's doing v well in every other respect and it's pretty unlucky to break a window with a freaking acorn! He sounds like the kind of boy for whom your disappointment will be a punishment in itself.

cece · 30/09/2011 18:44

I agree with Lindsay

malovitt · 30/09/2011 18:53

Is the car comprehensively insured?

If so, it should have a replacement window excess which means the window should be no more than £50/£75.

BlowHole · 30/09/2011 18:54

An acorn?

PonceyMcPonce · 30/09/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

malovitt · 30/09/2011 19:03

It's not faffing around and it doesn't affect any no claims bonus.

You call Autoglass, they come to you and fix the window, you pay £50 instead of the market rate. It's insurance.

I'm saying this because my friend's son threw a coin off her balcony which cracked someone's windscreen.

He asked for £300 but actually only had to pay £50 to Autoglass himself and pocketed the other £250.

PonceyMcPonce · 30/09/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 30/09/2011 19:06

Anacorn??????

Original poster
bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 19:16

Yes, an acorn. Apparently it went right through.....

How on earth would I ask whether he had this replacement window excess without being really rude? I don't think we're in any position to try and lower the cost and I'd like to think that school staff would not try to pull a fast one.

Maybe fully comp. insurance for cars parked on school grounds is very expensive.....

OP posts:
PonceyMcPonce · 30/09/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AchtungBaby · 30/09/2011 19:21

I didn't think that windscreen claims affected your no claims bonus either - as I understand it, the excess is £75 (which just happens to be the price to replace a side windscreen). Was it the front or back windscreen?

I'd be a little, Hmm, and would definitely ask for a copy of the receipt if you do have to pay in the end.

Beamur · 30/09/2011 19:24

Good idea from AchtungBaby - I'd want a copy of the receipt too.
I wouldn't go over board with the punishment if you're making him pay - a good telling off should suffice for a first offence.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/09/2011 19:26

Def look into Autoglass, but I called them out for a chip on the windscreen and there are quite a few limitations to what they can fix and can't fix iirc.

Seriously - an acorn did this amount of damage?? Poor guy, that was incredibly unlucky. I think that a stern talking to and making him pay for the damage is sufficient tbh - it was an accident not an 'on purpose' (to quote Judge Judy!)

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/09/2011 19:29

Oh btw - I don't think it would be at all out of order to just simply ask him if he has windscreen excess. It's what we all have insurance for after all.

Dipsyistipsy · 30/09/2011 19:32

How has the price been quoted to you?its just that I had to have a replacement windscreen back along and I had quotes varying from £185 to £525 and Autoglass certainly werent the cheapest.

jade80 · 30/09/2011 19:33

I'm not convinced an acorn would do that. Sure it wasn't a stone but he thought acorn didn't sound so bad? Tempted to chuck one at my car window to crack it.... just don't think an acorn would!

malovitt · 30/09/2011 21:03

Autoglass was just a suggestion - there are loads of other companies but most insurers seem to have a deal with them.

The child who threw the coin was 4 btw, he flicked it up but it hit a plant pot and went over, it wasn't deliberate.

I've just had my windscreen replaced, it's heated, has rain sensors, tinted - one of the more expensive ones and I paid £75 excess only.

The man who pocketed the £250 had a senior management position at the local council so I wouldn't have it expected it from him either.

Ask if the car is fully comprehensively insured, or if you feel you can't do that, get the registration number - most newish cars won't be only 3rd party fire & theft....

Original poster
bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 21:53

DS tells me it was an older car. It was the passenger side window, not a windscreen.

I think I would feel OK saying "this seems really a high cost to replace a window, I'm having trouble explaining the cost to Bonkers Jr".

I don't feel comfortable suggesting options, or asking what sort of insurance he has.

I was simply told the price by the bursar, I haven't spoken to the member of staff yet. I only found out this morning when I was at work and wanted to get the full story from DS before I spoke to the staff member, though I did phone (and leave a message) with him just to make contact.

Our whole car cost us £350!

I remembered earlier that DS had come down late last night being unable to sleep. This is not that uncommon. He'll just come down for 15 mins and then go back up again. Now of course I know the reason and he has confirmed he was really worried. He has said that now that he realises I am more cross because he didn't own up, he will do so if something like this happens again. You'd think he would have known that by 12, but I guess he's still just a young boy.

OP posts:
AchtungBaby · 30/09/2011 22:07

Brew bonkers20.

I know that your DS did the wrong thing, but I feel for him a bit too.

chickensaregreen · 30/09/2011 22:12

I think paying for it is enough punishment. Yes he was not being sensible but it was an accident and highly unlucky for him!

Original poster
bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 22:20

Thanks Achtung I've just poured myself a large glass of pink, fizzy Wine

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/09/2011 22:25

Poor you - it's the knowledge that they kept something from you that's worse than what they actually did, isn't it?
DS1, age 15 and on a school trip, bought 4 cans of Stella from a train buffet at 7.30 am and then lied to a teacher about it. My problem wasn't any of that, it was the fact it took a letter from the school for me to find out. I do sympathise.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 01/10/2011 07:46

I think paying for it is enough punishment TBH.
Hassled, 7.30 am? Have you raised a dipso Grin

MigratingCoconuts · 01/10/2011 07:58

I had my wondow broken on school site a while back; culprit never got caught. it cost me £75 and I have not lost my no claims. the school paid me back the £75, which would have passed onto the culprit if caught.

Maybe it depends on the insurance the teacher has?

What I think I would have most valued (on top of the repayment) would be a sincerely meant letter of apology explaining that it was a complete accident and wouldn't happen again.

Teachers always no worry about pupil retaliation outside of the classroom. Its reassuring to find out when things are just accidents.

seeker · 01/10/2011 09:20

Ah. Now I don't think paying for it is a punishment at all- I think that's just putting right what you've done. If he were mine, it's the not owning up that needs addressing/punishing, not the broken window- that was an accident. I think the two things need to be separated. It's important that he dioesn't see the letter of apology and the paying as a punishment. That's just what decent people do if they damage something that belongs to someone else.

If he has owned up straight away no anger or punishment necessary, just putting right. As he didn't then some form of punishment- not sure what though!