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Preteens

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Original poster

12 YO DS broken car window at school

122 replies

bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 18:35

I found out today that DS1 (year 8) broke a window of a staff member's car on Wednesday.

He was mucking around throwing acorns and one hit the window which broke.

He didn't own up. Somhow the school found out it was him so he did then admit it. He didn't tell me.

The first I knew was a phone call from school.

What do you think a suitable punishment would be? He will be paying for the window (£194!) from his own money.

He will be writing to the owner of the car.

I am most upset that he didn't own up to the school or me. I guess he thought he might not be found out by the school, but then when the school found out, he knew they'd tell me. I suppose he was delaying the inevitable.
The actual incident itself was foolish rather than malicious and I think having the pay to replace the window is punishment enough for that.

He knows how upset I am to recieve a phone call and not know whether it's because he's been picked to represent the school for something, or that he's been misbehaving. He is academically doing very, very well, as he is in sports.

I have told him that I feel betrayed (that he could snuggle up with me yesterday telling me about his day). It makes me feel like not doing stuff for him, so I suppose that's a good punishment - though it gets difficult when he's letting other people down by not going to Scouts etc.

There is a Scout event next weekend which he's been looking forward to for a year so I've a good mind to cancel that.

OP posts:
Dipsyistipsy · 01/10/2011 12:03

should have said that was the price to replace the rear passenger window

Original poster
bonkers20 · 01/10/2011 13:53

Interesting points.

  1. While I agree that it was unfortunate that the acorn broke the window, he should NOT have been throwing acorns around near parked cars at school. It's going to be an expensive lesson for him - but sometimes life is like that.
    I think at 12 he is perfectly able to accept the consequences of his actions. I do not regard it as an accident.

  2. There is no way I am going to ask to see the acorn nor ask questions about the cost of the replacement. This would only look as if I am doubting the teacher's word and I do not feel comfortable with that. My child did wrong and I don't want to look like one of those parents who is trying to worm their child out of it.

  3. He has told me that he realises now that he should have told me before the school did and knows that this is the issue I am most upset about. OK, so the fact of paying for the cost of the window might not seem to be a direct consequence punishment for that behaviour, but each time he has to pay back some money into his savings he'll remember the whole incident. He's not a young child where the punishment needs to relate the the crime.

  4. My sister has suggested that the high cost might be due to him having to get emergency AA out to fix the window in order for him to drive that day.

I will be speaking to the teacher on Monday so maybe I'll get some more information then.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 14:01

Bonkers - I think you are being so determined to not be the 'over protective parent' that you are doing your DS a disservice. There is no way a child throwing an acorn could break a car window. No way. So either he is lying about it being an acorn (hoping to reduce the trouble he's in) or it was a faulty window. It was a side window, it did not need an emergency service to drive it home/to the garage/whatever.

You are making your DS pay well over the odds for this because you don't want to ask questions - perfectly legitimate questions.

'Your child did wrong' - sure they were throwing acorns - but who in their right mind could expect a broken window out of it?? A cricket ball yes, an acorn??

Original poster
bonkers20 · 01/10/2011 14:39

Well, I can certainly talk to DS again to find out whether it was a super acorn or infact a stone, but if he's adamant it was an acorn then my only option is to ask the teacher. What would I say without looking like I'm questioning his honesty?

I trust the teachers at my son's school.

OP posts:
seeker · 01/10/2011 14:45

I would say "look, ds, 8've been thinking about this and I really think that's impossible for an acorn to have broken a car window, so on Monday I'm going to ask Mr Thing if he could possibly have been mistaken. So before I do that I'd you to go over exactly what happened again. Tell me every detail, because if I go and talk to Mr Thing without having all the facts, I'm going rO look a fool. Start at the beginning."

And if he tells a convincing story about acorns, then when you go into school, start off by saying that you're not sure your ds is telling the truth, because how could an acorn have broken a window - you think he must have been throwing stones. And see what happens.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 14:48

I hope you do get more information - the whole thing sounds terribly iffy. Don't forget that you (or rather, your son) is going to be paying for the damage, and so you have every right to receive a proper breakdown of how the costs have been arrived at. Most people on the receiving end of such damage would expect to be asked for this information - in no way would it imply that you don't trust their word, merely that you, quite rightly, wish to be in full receipt of the facts prior to this business transaction. It doesn't look at all like you are trying to worm out of anything imo.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 14:50

Btw Bonkers - who told you it was an acorn that broke the window?

Original poster
bonkers20 · 01/10/2011 14:53

Thanks seeker and maisie. Good points. I've got no problem talking to DS, and I like the way you've suggested I pose the question.

I really like how I could suggest that DS isn't telling the truth in order to open the discussion with the teacher.

And yes, about the business transaction.

Do you all want to listen in on the call and help me out?! Somesort of MN conference call?!

Thanks.

OP posts:
CristinadellaPizza · 01/10/2011 14:55

That is a very good point that Maisie makes - under any other circumstances, you'd question someone who told you that your DS had broken their car window throwing acorns.

(((squirrels round bonkers' way)))

mamadordogne · 01/10/2011 18:38

Acorn

Original poster
bonkers20 · 01/10/2011 19:54

OK, so I queried this acorn with DS and he gave me a very detailed description of it. It was massive (about 3 or 4cm) with a pointed end. I've just looked in Wikipedia and apparently they can be up to 6cm long and 4cm wide.

His friend was hiding behind the car and DS pelted the acorn at him. I suppose I should be pleased DS isn't facing murder charges!

The acorn didn't go through apparently, so I made a mistake there, it hit the window which then shattered.

Either way, I believe he is telling the truth.

OP posts:
CristinadellaPizza · 01/10/2011 20:21

Blimey! I believe him too. I do wonder if there was a chip in the window or something but I don't suppose you're ever going to prove it

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 20:41

Ah OK, that sounds more plausible - I really couldn't understand how an acorn managed to go through a windscreen, but I suppose it could have shattered it. He's been incredibly unlucky, and like Cristina I do wonder if the glass was defective in some way. You'll never be able to prove it one way or another.

I still think you are within your rights to ask for a breakdown of costs however, and perhaps do the usual thing of getting 3 quotes - I'm sure the teacher will be very understanding once he knows that a child is paying for the damage. Poor boy, I really do feel for him Sad

Dipsyistipsy · 01/10/2011 22:21

I think that your ds,s explanation shows that both children should shoulder the responsibility for the damage caused.Your ds shouldnt have thrown anything near a car but equally his friend shouldnt have been hiding behind a car.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 22:28

I don't think the friend should be held accountable in any way - all he did was hide behind a car, he didn't force the OP's son to throw anything. At 12, her DS is perfectly able to determine what's right and what's wrong for himself.

OP - would you consider going halves with your DS for the damage? That way he still has to pay (which I agree with), but the burden is lessened somewhat for him given that it was an incredibly unlucky (albeit stupid) accident? Please? I can't help feeling very sorry for the wee chap Sad

Original poster
bonkers20 · 01/10/2011 22:43

I'm going to see what the teacher says when I speak to him on Monday.
DS has been very, very good about accepting he needs to pay up which does indeed make more more inclined to help him out even if it's £100 I could spend on clothes

We'll see.

OP posts:
seeker · 02/10/2011 07:23

Have we established why this wasn't covered by the windscreen bit of the car insurance that doesn't affect the no claims bonus?

But anyway, I still think it's the not telling you about it that's the issue, not the actual incident.

empirestateofmind · 02/10/2011 07:46

Poor. teacher, he has to get his car fixed and gets accused of not getting three quotes or using his insurance. I for one didn't know you could get a discount using insurance.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 10:02

Of course he has to get his car fixed, but actually I envisaged the OP obtaining the quotes rather than being presented with a bill from the teacher without being given the opportunity to shop around for the best deal, or establishing if there might be an alternative cheaper way for her 12 year old son to get the car fixed, perhaps through the car insurance.

I certainly didn't expect the teacher to investigate these options, but if I were the teacher I'd be happy for the guilty party do to whatever they could to reduce their costs as long as it didn't involve me and as long as I got my window fixed.

Original poster
bonkers20 · 02/10/2011 10:04

seeker Um no, because it's the weekend innit!

empire What you say is just the reason I feel uncomfortable talking to the teacher. However, without any prompting DS did ask me this morning why the cost was so high and as I couldn't answer him I am certainly going to ask the teacher. I think that's fair.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 02/10/2011 10:15

I would ask for the receipt, saying that you're going to frame it and hang it in DS's bedroom, to remind him of consequences!

Ponders · 02/10/2011 10:37

side windows are quite fiddly to replace - the inside panels have to come off, & they have to be properly seated etc - it does make them relatively expensive for the size.

Does insurance windscreen cover actually include the side windows, or is it just for front & back screens?

Reasonable to ask for a cost breakdown anyway.

(some great posts on this thread btw Smile)

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 11:22

totally agree with Empire.

When my side window got broken in the school carpark I cannot tell you the innconvience and upset it caused me. And that was in a situation where I am uncertain within myself that it wasn't a deliberate act of revenge that can take place in some schools. It must be even worse in that kind of situation.

Luckily my school were great about it and covered my excess (to be paid by the culprit if he got caught). What made the whole thing better for me was the kindness and generosity of time shown by my teaching and non-teaching colleagues.

I am shocked at the negativity shown towards a person who has had an act of vandalism (fully admited to by op's son) commited on his/her property. Even though it was an accident, the teacher is the victim here.

By all means, ask for a breakdown of costs and I am very glad that the op is showing a sensitivity towards the teacher in her approach to this.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 11:31

What negativity??? Shock

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 11:38

You don't think there is something negative about the implications that the side window must haave been somehow dodgy or that the cost costs are so high that the teacher might be somehow pocketing the difference between the insurance and the actual costs of repair Shock