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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

12 YO DS broken car window at school

122 replies

bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 18:35

I found out today that DS1 (year 8) broke a window of a staff member's car on Wednesday.

He was mucking around throwing acorns and one hit the window which broke.

He didn't own up. Somhow the school found out it was him so he did then admit it. He didn't tell me.

The first I knew was a phone call from school.

What do you think a suitable punishment would be? He will be paying for the window (£194!) from his own money.

He will be writing to the owner of the car.

I am most upset that he didn't own up to the school or me. I guess he thought he might not be found out by the school, but then when the school found out, he knew they'd tell me. I suppose he was delaying the inevitable.
The actual incident itself was foolish rather than malicious and I think having the pay to replace the window is punishment enough for that.

He knows how upset I am to recieve a phone call and not know whether it's because he's been picked to represent the school for something, or that he's been misbehaving. He is academically doing very, very well, as he is in sports.

I have told him that I feel betrayed (that he could snuggle up with me yesterday telling me about his day). It makes me feel like not doing stuff for him, so I suppose that's a good punishment - though it gets difficult when he's letting other people down by not going to Scouts etc.

There is a Scout event next weekend which he's been looking forward to for a year so I've a good mind to cancel that.

OP posts:

startail · 02/10/2011 13:38

I'm just mystified at how a 12 year old pays almost £200. That would be pocket money and birthday money for an entire year!

bemybebe · 02/10/2011 13:38

"you make replacing it/repairing it as cheap as you reasonably can for them"

This I entirely agree with. But there is no duty and it is not spiteful if one cannot find the "cheapest" way.

bemybebe · 02/10/2011 13:40

"Cheapest" is not necessarily "reasonable" in terms of quality or timeframe btw...

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 13:42

chipping, and my point (which I promise I won't make again) is that you have assumed that it is the most expensive and most 'spiteful' route that the teacher could have taken.

The cheapest option may suit the person who has to pay, but not necessarily the victim teacher.

Dipsyistipsy · 02/10/2011 16:11

In my experience having had to replace one front windscreen ,one passenger window and one rear windscreen at different times,Autoglass inflate their prices because they think the insurance is paying for it..Car window glass has to be a certain BS spec and I have no doubt at all that a cheaper window is not an inferior window.

youarekidding · 02/10/2011 21:37

I agree with chippingIn as usual! and the others who are saying the same.

The teacher is a victim of an ACCIDENT not a crime, criminal damage, deliberate attempt to distruct his property. I don't think arranging for a window to be fixed as cheaply as possible is (as is being made out here) akin to having an operation without aneasthesia!!

And anyway - I though teachers were part of the 'village' raising these children to become rounded, fair adults? Surely part of that is forgiving an accident whilst showing it needs rectifying? How about talking to the pupil about what to do when a window is broken, how to get quotes etc?? - or better still getting him to make the calls during breaktime/ afterschool!!

Original poster

bonkers20 · 02/10/2011 22:15

I was thinking I might open the whole "please explain why it's this price" conversation by asking whether, if DS had owned up immediately, it might have changed the course of things.

The window was broken on Wednesday after school, DS was hauled out of class last period on Thursday.

I don't know when the window was fixed, or indeed if it even has been fixed yet.

I'll let you know how I get on.

OP posts:

Ponders · 02/10/2011 22:40

good luck, bonkers

(you are dealing with the whole thing extremely calmly, well done!)

Original poster

bonkers20 · 03/10/2011 13:44

I spoke to the teacher earlier this morning.

He has already paid for the window to be fixed.

There are three options.

DS/we pay for the window without involving anyone else.
He can make a claim through his union, but in order to do so he would have to report it to the police to get a crime reference number
Claim through his insurance (£75 excess). He is reluctant to do this as he cannot say whether his annual premiums will increase.

Obviously I do not want to report it as a crime! It wasn't a crime, it was a foolish accident. It would be fraud.
I asked whether the union covered accidental damage, but it seems not. I told him I thought this was rather strange, but he did not respond to this.

Turns out he was deputy head of the school for 25 years but retired two years ago and now only goes to school to teach hockey. Both he and the bursar told me he had been deputy (though I only realise this in hindsight having spoken to him this morning because that part of her conversation was a bit muddled to me).

Apart from making him perhaps more experienced in dealing with such matters (though he told me this was the first time anything like this had happened to him) I am a bit about being told. It doesn't make me more more likely to cough up just because he was deputy, I'd feel the same which ever member of staff it was.

Anyway, DS wrote an apology letter today which I hope he'll remember to hand in.

He'll pay the money from his savings and replenish it over time.

Lesson learnt.

OP posts:

MigratingCoconuts · 03/10/2011 19:31

excellent news!

I asked whether the union covered accidental damage, but it seems not. I told him I thought this was rather strange, but he did not respond to this.

This is exactly what my Union told me when I investigated making a claim for my broken window. I also tried the school's insurance and my own to find the best route to sorting it out. Unions only cover reported criminal damage.

and yes, you can be a victim of accidental damage.

ChippingIn · 03/10/2011 19:40

3) Claim through his insurance (£75 excess). He is reluctant to do this as he cannot say whether his annual premiums will increase

Well being an adult and all - not to mention a Deputy Head I would have thought it wasn't beyond him to make a phone call to find out, possibly saving your child £120. FGS.

youarekidding · 03/10/2011 20:34

I am under the belief that claiming for windscreen does not affect no claims bonus.

Thats why companies such as autoglass do what they do.

Ponders · 03/10/2011 20:49

your insurance company can say that & then jack up the premium for the following year...but, if it does, you are always at liberty to change to another company with your full NCD without mentioning the window part.

it's usually cheaper to switch every year anyway

bemybebe · 03/10/2011 22:34

"I am under the belief that claiming for windscreen does not affect no claims bonus.

Thats why companies such as autoglass do what they do."

Not sure what exactly "they do" that is so exciting, but no claims bonus is not affected only when the chip is repaired. If the whole glass needs replacing it is very much affected. Even if no claims bonus is protected, the premium will go up the year after the accident.

PonceyMcPonce · 03/10/2011 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bonkers20 · 04/10/2011 06:35

Ponders This is what he said he could do (change company if his premiums increased), but he didn't want to have to feel that he was pushed into doing so.

Anyway, let's move on now! DS made the most delicious pizza in food tech yesterday

OP posts:

youarekidding · 04/10/2011 06:39

As an aside I felt 'pushed' into changing companies this year. Mine wanted £372 + £10 renewal fee for the same fully comp insurance I'd had the year before for £223. They wouldn't even see if they could do it cheaper and I hadn't claimed (actually never had).

Glad the pizza was lovely.

empirestateofmind · 04/10/2011 11:46

It wasn't a crime, it was a foolish accident.

Plenty of crimes are not done on purpose. People don't knock down pedestrians on purpose but it is still a crime.

I would have been mortified if a child of mine had done this. Not thinking, even for a moment, that a teacher should use his insurance to pay for it. Why should he be out of pocket in any way?

I would be giving him a bottle of wine to say sorry too.

Original poster

bonkers20 · 04/10/2011 13:21

empire that sentence was written in the context of me not wanting to report my son to the police in order to get a crime reference number. If the teacher thought this would be appropriate then he can do that himself. I would have found that extremely upsetting though, since my son is 12 and did not mean to break the window.

Yes, I am mortified. As many people said, in most instances, where you are asked to pay for something which is your fault it is common to be able to explore options before paying out. I think it was perfectly reasonable of me to discuss this with the teacher. If using his insurance would not have left him out of pocket then that would have been the best option.

I will not be giving him a bottle of wine. My son threw the acorn, he has written a letter of apology and paid for the damage. Why should I give him some wine?

OP posts:

MigratingCoconuts · 04/10/2011 19:55

I think Bonkers is right in that it is now resolved and sorted.

Op's son has finally admitted all, so that the story does make sense. The cost is explained and all is paid for.

If I were this teacher, I'd be happy that it is resolved.

Enjoy the pizza

654321 · 08/10/2011 20:36

Im sorry but there is absolutely no way an acorn breaks a car window!!!!

Stone chips on the road at 70mph only just about crack it.....

I would tell the teacher to claim on his insurance and let you DS pay the excess.....that is what insurance is for, accidental damage.

654321 · 08/10/2011 20:38

did they find the acorn inside the car!!!!

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