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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 YO DS broken car window at school

122 replies

bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 18:35

I found out today that DS1 (year 8) broke a window of a staff member's car on Wednesday.

He was mucking around throwing acorns and one hit the window which broke.

He didn't own up. Somhow the school found out it was him so he did then admit it. He didn't tell me.

The first I knew was a phone call from school.

What do you think a suitable punishment would be? He will be paying for the window (£194!) from his own money.

He will be writing to the owner of the car.

I am most upset that he didn't own up to the school or me. I guess he thought he might not be found out by the school, but then when the school found out, he knew they'd tell me. I suppose he was delaying the inevitable.
The actual incident itself was foolish rather than malicious and I think having the pay to replace the window is punishment enough for that.

He knows how upset I am to recieve a phone call and not know whether it's because he's been picked to represent the school for something, or that he's been misbehaving. He is academically doing very, very well, as he is in sports.

I have told him that I feel betrayed (that he could snuggle up with me yesterday telling me about his day). It makes me feel like not doing stuff for him, so I suppose that's a good punishment - though it gets difficult when he's letting other people down by not going to Scouts etc.

There is a Scout event next weekend which he's been looking forward to for a year so I've a good mind to cancel that.

OP posts:
CristinadellaPizza · 02/10/2011 11:47

MigratingCoconuts - it's exactly the same as it would be for any other accident. Just because the victim is a teacher doesn't mean that the OP shouldn't treat it with exactly the same level of caution as she would if it were a neighbour.

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 11:52

yes, i agree...and it is still shockingly negative.

Suggesting that the op should demand to see the acorn???? Really?

Op's son had admitted the fault lays with him. The school is dealing with it fairlyu. It is what they do.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 11:55

Not at all, if you read the context in which it was written. There was doubt expressed initially that an acorn could have gone right through the window (as the OP had originally been led to believe) from a distance, which is why someone raised the possibility that the window might have been defective in some way. The OP then posted last night with an update, after having spoken to her son, to explain that the acorn had been massive and that her DS had in fact pelted his friend hiding behind the car and had missed.

There haven't been multiple implications inferring that the teacher would pocket the difference; one earlier poster merely queried the amount, explained the Autoglass process and charge, and shared a personal experience.

youarekidding · 02/10/2011 12:02

I agree paying for it is punishment - at £194 I would say it was more like torture!

I would be concerned that if you went hard on him instead of saying your disappointed for not owning up it may make him wary of owning up again.

Maybe DS could write a letter to the teacher saying how sorry he is and that he knows he should have owned up. Maybe DS could include that he'd 'researched' options and found X,Y,Z as cheaper options. Maybe he request teacher takes the cheaper option but that DS will also valet his car as well?

Having said all that it does sound very dodgy to me. An acorn? Has DS actually admitted smashing the window or just hitting it with an acorn?

youarekidding · 02/10/2011 12:03

OK, ignore the bit about querying the acorn I now see theres a page 2 Blush

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 12:04

As I said, I agree with Empire. Luckily, so does OP and will be treating the victim with a little more senistivity.

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 12:05

...oops!

...than many of the people on this thread would have done.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 12:20

You're twisting things Coconut - either that or you're deliberately misunderstanding or ignoring posts. Oh well, nothing anyone can do about that.

Smile
MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 12:29

No, I'm just disagreeing with you. People are allowed to do that here. And yes, you are right, there is nothing you can do about that...

Smile
argghh · 02/10/2011 12:30

Havent read all the posts but I had a similar thing happen when my son was either in Reception or Year 1. Him and some friends were throwing bark (yes bark) and one must have picked up a stone and threw it and it hit a passing bus window and smashed it.

I was so shocked when the school rang me, and the head teacher agreed that she had never heard anything like it before.

Anyway no costs but boys were kept in at playtime for a week which i thought was fine as they had to learn.

Can you imagine a 5 year old breaking a bus window !!! I am still incredulous.

ChippingIn · 02/10/2011 12:31

Treating the victim with a little more sensitivity.......jesus bloody christ, it's a broken window not GBH.

It was an accident the teacher should have found the cheapest way to remedy the problem, not just the easiest.

I still do not believe that an acorn, even a big one, would break a side window that didn't already have a fault in it. No one is saying that the child/the childs parents shouldn't pay to have it repaired, but the teacher should also recognise this fact and should have gone the extra mile to find the cheapest solution.

Flowerista · 02/10/2011 12:35

The lesson for DS is that if he had owned up immediately there's every chance that OP could have helped get that £194 cost reduced by suggesting using the insurance.

It was bad luck for an acorn to do that kind of damage. I'd bet money the lad has learned his lesson and the actions taken by OP are sufficient.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 12:37

Agree -disagree away. You're still wrong though, as has been explained to you.

Smile
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/10/2011 12:40

Agree Flower - he certainly should have owned up. However, the OP didn't feel it appropriate to suggest that the teacher uses the insurance - she said so much earlier in the thread.

bemybebe · 02/10/2011 12:48

Teacher does not have any duty to the person who inflicted the damage to find "cheapest ways" to fix this damage.

He is already taking up his valuable time to fix the damn thing, people should recognize this.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/10/2011 12:53

I agree. A broken passenger window must mean the car is undriveable, very difficult to drive at least. Why on earth shouldn't the teacher expect it to be fixed as quickly as possible?

maxybrown · 02/10/2011 12:59

Just another point - the OP said her DS said it was an older car. It could be old enough to have classic insurance. For eg one of our cars is a 1978 Land Rover series 3, which looks older but not necc old, but we have classic insurance on it - not sure if under that, we would be covered by the auto glass thing. Also, could be more expensive to replace and also easier to crack. I know our Morris Minor glass is easier to crack than modern glass for example and reckon a sturdy acorn thrown with force could easily do the damage to some "classic" cars Smile but no harm in asking for breakdown receipt - obviously, you/he are paying for something.

I broke a classroom window in school as a teenager, because I shoved a lad who was being horrible to me - I shoved im and he hit the window - so technically he broke it Grin but we both paid for it I remember that!

ChippingIn · 02/10/2011 13:06

As an aside - why on earth would having a broken side window make a car undriveable or very difficult to drive?? It is a window not a wheel!

Bemybaby - no - just go ahead and find the most expensive way to get something fixed that was damaged by accident - that'll learn them.

Hmm
GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/10/2011 13:09

Because you need to see through the bloody thing!

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 13:27

Maisie, actually, I have found your posts to be very helpful and supportive here...

However, I think that Chipping has just proved my point for me.

Inspite of the op's son owing up and describing what exactly happen and others (including me) coming on to describe how easy it is to break windows, she is still insistant that the window must have been defective and that the teacher has not moved mountains to reduce the cost for the boy. (why would a teacher need to do this??)

Ok, though, I do concede that chipping is only one poster and that that much of the rest of the thread has been trying to resolve this for op. Please forgive my previous bluntness which I put down to my raging f**cking toothache, now eased off by the use of medication.

Smile
bemybebe · 02/10/2011 13:30

chipping why "most expensive" Hmm. I think it should be most convenient and least disruptive for the person whos property got damaged. You have a problem with it??

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 13:31

...and, of course, the next time a friend of mine has damage done to their property (either by accident or not), I'll tell them to pull themselves together because its not like they have been hit or anything Hmm

MigratingCoconuts · 02/10/2011 13:32

Chipping...how do you know it was the most expensive?

bemybebe · 02/10/2011 13:34

"why on earth would having a broken side window make a car undriveable or very difficult to drive?? It is a window not a wheel!"

Because it is normally cold and wet in the UK in October. Nevermind +29C we are enjoying in Surrey over the past week! Wink

ChippingIn · 02/10/2011 13:34

GML - no glass, no problem to see through the gap. A crack - still no problem to see through it.

MC - so I am the only one on the whole thread that thinks the teacher could have found a cheaper way to get the window fixed am I? No I'm not, plenty of others said the same thing. It was an accident and the child/childs parents are paying for it. In my book, if someone breaks something accidentally you make replacing it/repairing it as cheap as you reasonably can for them - it is just spiteful not to.