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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 YO DS broken car window at school

122 replies

bonkers20 · 30/09/2011 18:35

I found out today that DS1 (year 8) broke a window of a staff member's car on Wednesday.

He was mucking around throwing acorns and one hit the window which broke.

He didn't own up. Somhow the school found out it was him so he did then admit it. He didn't tell me.

The first I knew was a phone call from school.

What do you think a suitable punishment would be? He will be paying for the window (£194!) from his own money.

He will be writing to the owner of the car.

I am most upset that he didn't own up to the school or me. I guess he thought he might not be found out by the school, but then when the school found out, he knew they'd tell me. I suppose he was delaying the inevitable.
The actual incident itself was foolish rather than malicious and I think having the pay to replace the window is punishment enough for that.

He knows how upset I am to recieve a phone call and not know whether it's because he's been picked to represent the school for something, or that he's been misbehaving. He is academically doing very, very well, as he is in sports.

I have told him that I feel betrayed (that he could snuggle up with me yesterday telling me about his day). It makes me feel like not doing stuff for him, so I suppose that's a good punishment - though it gets difficult when he's letting other people down by not going to Scouts etc.

There is a Scout event next weekend which he's been looking forward to for a year so I've a good mind to cancel that.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 01/10/2011 09:37

you make a good point seeker

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 09:45

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eaglewings · 01/10/2011 09:46

Agree that the crime of not telling should have it's own punishment

Not going to scouts is a bit tough though

If it's a first offence then a lesser punishment and a warning about it being worse next time he doesn't tell?

TheMonster · 01/10/2011 09:47

He must have been petrified! It was an accident. He's paying for it. I think that's enough.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 09:58

I don't think you should make him pay for it - it's not like he did it on purpose.

Seriously???

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 10:33

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MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 10:46

An accident?

A 12 year old shouldn't be throwing things near cars. If it really was an acorn it is unlucky, but part of growing up is dealing with the consequences of nehaviour and accepting responsibility for your actions.

He was careless. He didn't admit what he had done. He should pay for the damage.

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 10:55

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MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:02

Self righteous? To expect a child to be honest and own up when they've damaged someone else's property?

A 7 year old knows better. Where is a 13 year old supposed to find the money? Or a 14 year old? Where is the line?

The money will presumably be paid by his parents and taken out of his pocket money until it's paid back.

CristinadellaPizza · 01/10/2011 11:05

He should definitely pay for the damage, accident or not. I can understand him not fessing up because it's such a terrible thing to happen when you're mucking around (seriously I would never think that an acorn could break a car window - he must have a really good throw).

I'm not sure if I would punish him further - I would imagine that the fact that you're obviously terribly, terribly disappointed in him might be enough.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:08

Agree. Paying back the money is punishment enough, and more for the lying/not admitting it.

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 11:14

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MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:18

So a 17 year old doing A Levels doesn't have to pay???

I completely and utterly disagree.

I just don't get parents who absolve their children of responsibility and the consequences of their actions.

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 11:19

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incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 11:21

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MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:24

Very true. Which is why the odds are that it wasn't an acorn. It was a stone. So he still isn't telling the truth.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:26

And making mistakes is one thing. Lying about them at school is another. Not telling their parents is a huge fucking deal.

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 11:27

There's no way he could have broken a previously undamaged side window with an acorn. Something isn't right here.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:30

If I ever find something out from the school and not the child I have made it clear that I will be furious. Tell me and however bad it is we can work things out together and deal with it at home first, then tell the school if necessary.

incognitofornow · 01/10/2011 11:31

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Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 11:31

OP - did you ask to see the 'acorn' in question? If it went right through the window then presumably it's inside the car - or did I miss something earlier on the thread?

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 01/10/2011 11:34

I'd assume that the window ended up with deep cracks rather than actually smashing. If it did smash, I'd love to see the squirrel that would store that acorn for the winter.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 11:44

If I've read correctly, Bonkers post at 19:16 said it went right through - which makes me wonder where the offending nut is now!

Dipsyistipsy · 01/10/2011 11:48

The more I think about it the more something isnt right,ds was strimming the grass the other day and a stone flew up and hit a rear window on dh,s car,the window shattered but stayed in place.It was £132 to replace but only because it had privacy glass,if it had been ordinary glass it would have been £75.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 01/10/2011 11:52

Agree - there is no way an acorn could have done this. A stone bounced up off the road (caused by the car in front of me) and hit my windscreen as we were travelling at 50mph - it just chipped it. I really don't see how a acorn could have done this damage, which is why I think I'd want to see what went right through the window.