I'm in trouble with pre-school...

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

"can I have a word?"

Dreaded words to come from your child's teacher at any time, let alone 3 weeks into the first term of preschool!

"your dd told us today that we weren't singing Mary had a little lamb the right way today."

"erm... Ok?"

"yes... She wanted to know what happened to the bit where she cooks the lamb..."

"oops"

So now I'm trying to stop myself from singing the corrupt versions of nursery rhymes. I don't really want to be responsible for small children going home crying that MiniBeard said Mary ate her lamb with mint sauce!

Skinny malinkey malogian legs
Big banana feet
Went to the pictures and couldnt get a seat
When the pictures started
Skinny malinkey farted
Skinny malinkey malogian legs
Big banana feet.

My GM taught me this along with the Lords prayer :o

Mary had a little lamb
It bounds and skips and hops
It gambolled on the road one day
And ended up as chops.

And this one takes me back.....

I was walking in the jungle and my bum began to rumble
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!

Some people think it's funny but its very green and runny
Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!

What do you do if you're bursting for the loo in an English country garden?
Pull down your pants and fertilise the plants, in an English country garden
Then take a little leaf and wipe your underneath, in an English country garden.

Can't remember any more verses....!

No ye cannae push yer granny off a bus
No ye cannae push yer granny off a bus
No ye cannae push yer granny
For shes yer mammys mammy
No ye cannae push yer granny off a bus

Im sure there were other verses but I cant remember them now.

The english country garden brings back memories :o

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantelpiece
To see if they would fall off

whojamaflip
Only know the first one

Happy Birthday to you
flush your head down the loo
Taste it don't waste it
happy birthday to you.

We also did

Jingle bells, batman smells
Robin flew away,
lost his pants while over France
and found them in Bombay.

Lots of versions of Christmas carols also - good king wensaslas looked out, of his bedroom window, he fell out and burnt his snout, on a red hot cinder, brightly shone his nose that night, tho the pain was cruel, til the doctor come in sight, riding on a mule.

While Shepards washed their socks by night, all seated round the tub, the angel of the lord came down, and they began to scrub.

We 3 kings or orient are, one in a tractor one in a car, on on a scooter blowing his hooter, following ????

That's the version I know, pixiestix!

We used to sing a foot and mouth version, but I can only remember the start...

'Mary had a little lamb,
Its foot and mouth were scabby...'

Anyone?

Nannans favourite - Auntie Jane went to Spain on a train, when the train started, Auntie Jane farted!

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would fall off.

"What do you do if you want to do a poo in an English country garden
Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants in an English country garden..."

I got called in to preschool about nursery rhymes as ds refused to sing them, "its baby music, I like real music" when asked what he did like he said loud music with guitars and drums "the roach one where they punch someone in the face" he meant papa roach time is running out the line he mentioned was when it slaps you in the face. Mortified didn't cover it, ds' preschool was very naice and boden esque parents.

Friend of ours had her dd asked what her favourite song was her first day, "Is it Mary Had a Little Lamb?" "No. A Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None."

She's a big Florence and the Machine fan. It seems the teacher was not. Explanations were needed. Apparently her trying to breastfeed the dollies in the Home Corner went down rather badly, too.

wannabedomesticgoddess

My DD's childminder taught us that one! verse 2 went:

But ye can push yer other granny off the bus
Oh ye can push yer other granny off the bus
ye can push yer other granny
she's just yer daddy's mammy
ye can push yer other granny off the bus

My grandads favourite rhyme to sing to both myself and now my dd's is,

The white cat pissed in the black cats eye,
The black cat said 'cor blimey',
The white cat said you silly twat,
You shouldn't have stood behind me.

Baa baa black sheep has to do with wool taxes: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baa,_Baa,_Black_Sheep

Jack told Jill
To take the pill
and wash it down with water.
Jill forgot
So now they've got
A bouncing baby daughter.

Mary had a little lamb
It had a sooty foot
and into Mary's bread and jam
Its sooty foot it put.

Jack and Jill went to the dairy,
Jack pulled out his long and hairy,
'Ooh' said Jill, What a whopper,
Lets get down and do it proper.

My brother got summoned to nursery as my dn was showing " intimidating and threatening behaviour"

Someone oops taught her "see this finger,see this thumb, see this fist - you better run!!

In my defence she only tickled once she caught you

I was banned from teaching her any others.

I got in trouble because DS told his class that when Jesus died he became one with the Force

Our version of twinkle twinkle, care of dh some years ago for dd1, her playschool teacher was not impressed but it's the only version ds knows now. I can only remember the first verse I'll get the rest from ds in the morning.

Twinkle twinkle little fart
How I wonder where you start
Rumble bumble in my tummy
Out you come from my bummy.

wannabe

the granny one made me well up ... i remember my granny singing that when I was small!

Arty farty had a party
All the farts were there
Hooty tooty did a beauty
And we all went out for air

KungFu love that!

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e?s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow

Aunty Mary had a canary
Down the leg of her drawers
When she farted it departed
Down the leg of her drawers

We three kings of orient are
Selling knickers tuppence a pair
They're fantastic, no elastic
Buy your granny a pair

Whilst shepards washed their socks by night all seated on the grass the angel of thelord came down and kicked them up the arse

Had completely forgotten the injy pinky parlez vous one, used to sing it all the time