I'm in trouble with pre-school...

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

"can I have a word?"

Dreaded words to come from your child's teacher at any time, let alone 3 weeks into the first term of preschool!

"your dd told us today that we weren't singing Mary had a little lamb the right way today."

"erm... Ok?"

"yes... She wanted to know what happened to the bit where she cooks the lamb..."

"oops"

So now I'm trying to stop myself from singing the corrupt versions of nursery rhymes. I don't really want to be responsible for small children going home crying that MiniBeard said Mary ate her lamb with mint sauce!

Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin flew away.
Uncle Billy lost his willy
On the motorway.

I remember a nursery rhyme book that had:

Piggy on the railway picking up stones
Along came an engine and broke poor piggy's bones.
"Oh" said Piggy"that's not fair"
"Oh" said the engine driver. "I don't care!"

and:

Inky pinky ponky
Daddy had a donkey
The donkey died
Nobody cried
Inky Pinky Ponky!

Or a couple for modern times....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
The build of the wall was not correct ,
So he won ten grand with claims direct...

It's raining it's pouring,
Oh cr*p it's global warming...

Ooh, Ebb, we used to sing that too but ours started "Rule Britannia, 3 monkies up a stick, one fell down and broke his Dicky was a bulldog ....."

When DD3 started nursery she decided to impress staff with her knowledge of democratically choosing whose turn it is.

Mickey Mouse
In the house
Pulling down his trousers
Look mum
Dirty bum
You are it

Happy birthday to you, flush your head down the loo.......

row, row........if you see a polar bear don't forget to shiver.

jingle bells, santa smells, rudolph did a poo.....

not sure how ^ they finish and whoboy is not here for me to ask. will find out and report back.

may even teach him some new ones

Row Row Row your boat gently out to sea,
if you see a dolphin give him a kiss from me

Not great when DD has a snotty nose and kisses all the other toddlers at nursery, but super cute to watch!

Thankfully it wasn't the one from when I was a child.

It, dit, dog shit,
You are not it.

This thread had made me on a shit day!

Thankyou all!!

Mary had a little lamb
She took it to a wedding
She tied it to a lamp post
And kicked its f*ing head in.

Mary had a little lamb
She knew it couldn't swim
She took it to the swimming pool
And threw the bugger in!

No crocodile in row row your boat? That's crap! That's the best bit. My 19 mo loves doing the "aaah" at the end!

The one we do at toddler group has loads of verses including
Rock rock rock your boat
Gently to and fro
Watch out
Give a shout
Into the water we go (splash)

Row row row your boat gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Back in time for tea

Row row row......to the shore
Merrily....
Back for tea at four

And then the crocodile verse at the end!

::takes notes, son starts pre-school tomorrow::

I'm sure I saw on here once the following verse:

rock a bye baby
on the tree top
bad babies get rabies
and have to be shot.

and I got into trouble from nursery because DS was asked what do dogs do 'go woof!' and what do cows do? 'go moooooo!' and what do cats do? 'go poo in mummy's garden!'

And BTW, Baa baa black is not racist due to the black sheep.

It's racist because it's references slavery and my master and the dame.

Mary had a little lamb,
With veggies and mint sauce,
'Oh dearest lamb' she cried
'I am as hungry as a horse!'

I always thought the rainbow sheep was an urban myth!

My Uncle Billy had a ten foot willy
He showed it to the woman next door
She though it was a snake
So hit it with a rake
And now it's only 5ft 4.

Jesus we were only about 7 when we sang that.

We have Baa Baa black sheep and Baa Baa White sheep.

Baa baa white sheep
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir
Three bags full

One for the jumpers
One for the frocks
And one for the little boy with holes in his socks.

Oh well, at least Mary didn't have a duck as well...

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said "fucking scrambled egg for breakfast again!"

Mary ate a little lamb
She also ate a duck
People called her greedy
She didn't give a fuck!

Inky pinky ponky
Daddy had a donkey
The donkey died
Nobody cried
Inky Pinky Ponky!

My DD has been taught this for choosing things except daddy cries in her version.

Row row row your boat gently round a puddle
If you see a [mummy/daddy/whoever you are] don't forget to cuddle :)

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
I don't know what they did up there
But now they have a daughter

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER teach your dc the BlackAdder Goes Forth verse of row your boat.

No preschool should ever have to have a cheery voice piping

Row Row Row Your Boat
Gently down the Stream
Belts orf Trousers Down
Isn't life a scream
HUZZAH!

They call you in after session
And they smirk
A lot.

There was an old woman of 92 parlez vous.
There was an old woman of 92 parlez vous.
There was an old woman of 92, Lifted her leg and a fart came through, Inky pinky parlez vous.

The fart went rolling down the street parlez vous.
The fart went rolling down the street parlez vous.
The fart went rolling down the street, Knocked the copper of his feet, Inky pinky parlez vous.

The copper got out his trusty/rusty pistol parlez vous.
The copper got out his trusty/rusty pistol parlez vous.
The copper got out his trusty/rusty pistol, Blew the fart from here to Bristol, Inky pinky parlez vous.

Bristol Rovers playing at home parlez vous.
Bristol Rovers playing at home parlez vous.
Bristol Rovers playing at home, Kicked the fart from here to Rome, Inky pinky parlez vous.

Julius Caeser drinking wine parlezvous.
Julius Caeser drinking wine parlezvous.
Julius ceaser drinking wine, Swallowed the fart the dirty swine, Inky pinky parlez vous.

The fart went rolling down his spine parlez vous.
The fart went rolling down his spine parlez vous.
The fart went rolling down his spine, Knocked his bollocks out of line, Inky pinky parlez vous.

The fart went shooting off to Mars parlez vous.
The fart went shooting off to Mars parlez vous.
The fart went shooting off to Mars, Knocked the Martian on his arse, Inky pinky parlez vous.

The fart went shooting off to Venus parlez vous.
The fart went shooting off to Venus parlez vous.
The fart went shooting off to Venus, Knocked the Martian on his penis, Inky pinky parlez vous.

(Do you think anyone will notice?)