Anyone had problems with pre school? I think they are trying to label my son as autistic

[roseability]

I am pretty sure my ds keyworker was suggesting my ds is on the autistic spectrum

We are confident this is not the case, as at home and at family functions he shows no signs

We had a meeting today with the deputy head of the school (who oversees the nursery) as we had some concerns about how this has been handled

Does anyone else have experience of this?

would speaking to gp not be a starting point

you aren't reading my post correctly.

if your son is assesed and is confrimed NT then he will require no additional help.

if he is assessed and DX as having ASD then he may require additional help at school.

teh fact that he has been assesed for ASD will not affect what his teachers think of him or how they treat him.

a DX will affect what help he gets at school.

the teachers knowing this is a good thing.

can i ask gp for assessment as i know,like and trust him

i would not see autism as anything wrong btw, just part of him

my dh would find it very hard. how did yours react

roseability - I totally get where you're coming from. It's a pain in the arse when you post something and people constantly go over something you've already clarified. I think a lot of people on here have written things that will send you into more of a panic. I think most parents of an autistic child would have sensed something out of kilter even from babyhood. You haven't sensed that. I'm willing to bet there's no problem really. It's also too early for talk of assessment and the key worker acted inappropriately.
I would leave this thread and chat with your real life friends and family.

Children with asd often only start to show symptoms at nursery because nursery is noisy, they cannot order it, it is more difficult to predict it, a more intense and complex level of interaction is required, other children don't 'give' on matters like older children and babies and adults do.

It's difficult for them to find a coping strategy.

Ds1 found his by playing with the train track and refusing to do 6anything^ else for more than 4 seconds unless it was counting things with his key worker.

She mentioned that this was a concern.

I came on here and parped "What a fucking farce, have you ever heard anything so ridiclous, he's a perfectly normal, VERY cuddly and friendly little boy! ABsurd! Fuck off!"

because it was not a side of him I saw.

Yes, he was destructive - aren't all four year old boys? Pah! (as it turns out, they aren't)

Yes, he asked "Why?" continually - don't all four year olds do that? (Not without listening to the answer or making some effort to wait until you have finished speaking before asking again, no)

And what little boy doesn't like to play with trains??? For fuck's sake! (they do ... just not for 15 hours a week without pause for food, drink, or human interaction)

But of course, at home, there was jusy me, and his dad. We knew him, we made him, for god's sake. And he made us. Children make the parents too.

i was so accustomed to ds1 and his logical ways that I thought there was something wrong with Ds2 and his apparent non-grasp of how the goddamn world works ("I am BIGGER than the bus, I don't need to walk on the path!")

I had never been defied.

ds1 had never refused to accept "You cannot do that because I do not want you to."

he is a clever, funny, handsome, kind, friendly, squeezy, freckly green eyed love-in-a-boat, but he is autistic, no matter how much I don't want him to be.

Re my dd, my family were very reassuring about dd's late speech development, citing family members who hardly said a word until they were nearly 4 and then went on to have brilliant careers. So I ignored it.

he did playgroup last yr nothing was picked up there

a gp isn't likely to be able to make an assessment for ASD. a GP is a general practitioner in that they have a general medical knowledge but not specific. your friend may tell you what you want to hear but most likely not what you need to hear.

Explain why you don't want to go through the education service, the GP will understand.

he is my gp not a friend/relative

ok, crossed wires there. i though we were talking about your BIL here.

For goodness sake leave the poor woman alone!

It may well be that the OP's DS needs an assessment but as none of us have met him, we don't know if that is the case. We are assuming that because the NN raised concerns, something could be wrong. That may be the case but I have worked with many NNs over many years. Lots are fantastic but some actually have very little understanding of child development.

I remember one constantly saying child X was autistic because he wasn't talking. Well I was fairly sure that although his speech was delayed, he did not have ASD because his non-verbal communication was excellent. Once the SALT was involved, he came on massively.

My point is that even if there is a problem, the OP is in an angry, frightened place and not quite ready to accept there may be a problem (and indeed there may not be!)

I know posts on here have been mostly sympathetic to the handling and (rightly) pointing out the need for early intervention. However, to me it's clear as day that what the OP needs is tea and sympathy at how things were handled. This is clearly not the thread for straight talking. Plenty of time for that later.

Sounds exactly the same as my nephew coldtits.

Playgroups miss stuff rose. A younger child's quirky behaviour can usually be put down to their age. As they grow the behaviour stays the same as others change so it's more noticable. Early diagnosis really helps; coping strategies can be put into place as well as support. My nephew is a lovely boy, autistic or not. He requires the patience of a saint though. He has to do things or he'll just keep going on for hours or days that he didn't turn the light off.

maryz what were the signs

they seem so vast and varied

Ignored her speech delay I mean.

Go and watch him. Have a meeting with the nursery head/deputy, keyworker and senco. See if any other staff members have observed him and what they thought. Do all of this asap, before you go to the gp or anyone else. See if you can get an inkling of why the keyworker has said what she said and whether anyone else shares her concerns. Once you know this, I think you'll have a much better idea of what to do next.

who are you talking to stovies? OP is asking questions, posters are answering them.

They are vast and varied.

But seriously - nobody here can diagnose your son ... get that assessment (and trust me, they will not diagnose him if they can avoid it, because diagnosis means intervention and intervention costs the NHS money)

Roseability, I understand a little about how you may feel about labels defining a person. I have an illness, which can be debilitating and sometimes life-threatening. Immediately after diagnosis I fought tooth and nail to prevent myself being labelled, I thought people would see the illness instead of me and that I would be treated differently. 10 years on, I am happy to talk to people, because I understand more about the illness and how it actually affects me.

It seems that you are working through several issues at the moment:

1. The unprofessionalism of the nursery worker - you have reported her actions to her superior at the nursery, so I assume you need take no further action?

2. You have decided to take your DS to your trusted GP for a health check (glue ear etc.) and to test the waters with GP re: assessment. Sounds like a good decision.

3. Do you need the nursery to give you more detailed observations of your DS's behaviour - just to monitor if the problem eases as he settles in, or if it persists? Who do you need to speak to at the nursery to ensure this is in place?

4. Do you have any more questions that MNers might be able to help with right at the moment? If not, it might be time to leave this thread and consider getting it deleted if you feel that it has been bullying or unhelpful in anyway.

Good Luck.

for what it is worth boo i am sorry for my attack. i was upset but it is not usually in my nature

this has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life