Reduced growth - told to give birth any day to under 3lb baby. Anxious

[AnxiousKeziah]

Hi,
Name changed but am a regular. Have a 3yr old ds and expecting ds2 in mid May. But due to reduced growth and uterine artery issues I have had steroids and told be prepared to deliver any day I go to hospital, or if I concerned about movement to go in. Baby estimated at 2lb 7oz currently at 29 weeks.

Very anxious.
No idea what to expect. See anaesthetist next week and scan next with consultant. Not had a your of NICU offered yet.
Am very worried about going home 2/3 nights after a section with a GA ( which had last time and home after that timescale) and not being near the baby. And not feeling great.They are always so short of beds on post natal ward and they do not have accommodation for parents like other hospitals. But it is my nearest - so 30mins away.

Really want to feed baby. Had delayed lactation with first dc so was already a concern. Do they promote this or offer practical help? Thanks.

Really hope can get a few more weeks. If results on scan stay same or improve told will have to deliver at 34 weeks latest, if any decrease in growth or worse PI function will deliver next week.

Oh Kezia I'm so,sorry to hear this, sending strength x

Thanks for kind posts.

Keziah, I am so so sorry for the death of your longed for boy. What a horrendous outcome. Sending you strength and courage. Be kind to yourselves as you can and grab all the help you can get. I'll light a wee candle tonight for you all.

Thank you.
We knew the risks were higher at 39/40 but sub fertility meant we could not choose when we were pregnant and it has been a long 10yrs to be blessed with this much longed for baby.
Despite shock later diagnosis and IUGR I never imagined this outcome.
Devastated and know many people have good outcomes, which I am pleased for them.

What support are you having?

2 midwife appointment tents at home then discharged, 5 days apart. With someone I never met.
One appointment with hospital chaplain whose opening phrase was " I read your notes, what do you want from me?" then ended with " I am on holiday as are all chaplains due to Holy Week, will ring you in 2 weeks." No expression of condolence. Hence will not pick up her admin style call in 2 weeks if she bothers.
Lovely treatment whilst in hospital for medial issues. Can book a gp appointment with named gp in 3 weeks, first slot or with any gp in a week if not urgent. Or any random gp again if can convince receptionist I have an urgent need. So got apt in weeks time, not sure why but felt it was something I need to do.

All the support is there if baby survives not if he dies. No health visitor, no visits or meals provided, no one calling to congratulate and no health oreofessionals interested as nothing to be interested in.

Have you tried SANDS? Specific support for bereaved parents. Disgusted at the reaction of the chaplain. That is so out of order.

The absolute very least the hospital could/should have done was to point you in the direction of SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society)
Their telephone number is 020 7436 7940 (9.30 - 17.30 Monday to Friday), their address is 28 Portland Place London W1B 1LY and if you google them there is an online form to get in touch with them.

Thanks Dutchoma.
I was polite in my posting about chaplain - no energy to fight someone who could not be bothered with us and obviously had little faith herself from the phrases she used ( if faith was important - not saying it is).

This is one bit of 'support' you could very well do without. I am so sorry you had to cope with that as well as everything else. I hope she 'forgets' to ring you, but I also hope there will be some true help, a listener to share your grief.

Please call Sands or Bliss. You simply should not be going through this level of devastation and heartbreak alone. It's appalling.

Will try Monday as been a week since our loss. Looked p and no local phone number so will try national one. Thanks.

Dutchoma - we had 2 midwives witness this conversation ( one was training hence 2/just qualified) so had witnesses which helped - so not dealing with her, let them. Especially as one was a committed member of another faith so appalled by lack of respect shown. But not much use to us.

I'm so sorry for your loss and horrified how you have been treated by the chapain
I hope someone complains on your behalf.

Thank you.
Today had a day beginning to think about the funeral. We will do the planning ourselves and it is heartbreakingly hard having to think about SCH things - as my milk coming in and my body saying I have a baby.
Saw my gp today who told me he was unlikely to have survived even if delivered earlier which has helped ease some thoughts a little.