Abortion dilemma please help x

[Cwoffeelover1]

I know no one can make the decision for me and it will ultimately come down to my choice but does anyone have any words of wisdom from experience or just advice on what they would do? It’s hard from the inside looking out especially when I’m so emotional right now…

So I found out a week and half ago I’m pregnant (unplanned).. it couldn’t have come at a worst time for the following reasons…

Me and my kids dad have been on and off for along time now due to his ongoing cocaine/ alcohol addiction and I have finally got him out of my house for me and my kids to start a fresh

I have a 1 and 9 year old already would have 2 under 2 at one point

I only live in a 2 bed apartment (can’t afford to move right now as rent is too expensive)

I left uni due to anxiety and have recently been taking antidepressants I felt my mood was improving and I was on my way to going back to uni or work

Due to me not working financially it is tough we couldn’t afford to take the kids on holiday with family this year

My baby was also poorly after birth and that was really traumatic I don’t know how it will affect my mental health this time

As you can see the odds are stacked against me.. practically and logically I cannot have this baby my brain sees that it would be for the best for myself my children to be as we are and work on the kids I already have and myself.

I know the only way I could afford this baby is if I worked hard but with limited support from family and unreliable support from their dad I couldn’t afford 2 nursery’s and school clubs to even do that so I’d be completely snookered and I’m worried all of my children would suffer from my financial strain

I’m booked in to the clinic tomorrow to have a dating scan and they said I can have the medication given to me there to take home I know it’s the right thing to do and all this will be over

It’s just breaking my heart the guilt I feel towards it I’ll be 6 weeks tomorrow I came off my antidepressants when I found out and started taking prenatal vitamins I just keep feeling like I’m betraying it it’s one of my children like my other children and I’m not giving it a chance like they have had it’s hurting me so much do you think when I’ve took the tablets my mind will stop wandering and I will feel relief even if heartbroken

Me and my kids dad have been on and off for along time now due to his ongoing cocaine/ alcohol addiction and I have finally got him out of my house for me and my kids to start a fresh

It would be a no brainer for me, you have fought so hard to get a fresh start, children are already in the mix with this and I'm sure you've had many sleepless nights worrying about them because of the problems their dad has.

They need stability, you need stability, and a baby is the most destabilising thing that could happen right now.

This man isn't the right person to be having another baby with.

I just want to say I have had an early abortion, and I have no regrets over it. There are clinics you can contact and will assess whether you can have an at home medical abortion, an in-clinic medical abortion or a surgical abortion. When I went, they were so fantastic and women centred, the staff couldn't have been more kind and understanding, nobody made me feel like I was doing something shameful, or wrong for being in a situation that was far from ideal for having a child in.

I worry about your mental health though OP, you've said that you've had an on and off relationship with him. Do you have people you can lean on to make sure this pattern is broken for good? You've already done the hard bit of getting him out, but it can be really hard to keep people out if they're particularly emotionally manipulative and play on the fact that you have/had cared for them in the past.

I had an abortion, broke my heart snd quite possibly the worse thing I’ve ever gone through. But it was the right decision for me at the time. I knew the second I found out I couldn’t keep it - no doubt in my mind. If you have any doubt I think counselling could help.

It’s not an easy decision but you have to do what’s right for you ♥️

I volunteer for an organization that provides supplies for underprivileged newborns, and some of the older volunteers are the birth mothers of children in their forties or fifties. Also, a friend of the family and my former hairstylist.

Of course!

And none of them found it traumatic, how do you compare it to the trauma of women that have terminated?

Your post comes across as very sensible and well balanced with good decision making. I think that you need to trust your head and your reasoning skills here.

Having an abortion will be hard with how you feel, but not as hard as watching the children living in poverty when you were on a path to make things better.

In your place I would have the abortion.

You don't think that the emotional aftermath of adoption would be even worse?

I don know if any of them found it traumatic, but they felt they’d made the right decision. I don’t know what your agenda is here, but I don’t waste time on internet randos who accuse me of lying (for…some reason, I guess). Have a nice day.

I think it’s different for different people. Women have a whole range of reactions to different reproductive choices, and it shouldn’t be controversial to acknowledge that.

Having an abortion will be hard with how you feel, but not as hard as watching the children living in poverty when you were on a path to make things better.

I think this sums it up.

I just keep thinking 4/5 years time the oldest will be able to babysit the little one, but two little ones would be a different ball game.
I don't necissarly mean hours on end, but an hour hear and there.

I think you’re giving a very blinkered view and as a rando on the internet, I don’t think you’re really speaking from experience.

As others have said, they believe it’s more traumatic.

True, but this is a crap situation to bring a new baby into. Not terminating is a selfish choice here.

Couldn’t agree more and thats the whole basis for Prp choice - it’s a choice and a personal one. What one person may want to do or feel is different to another.

Personally I think (not having been through either) having an abortion would be more traumatic for me than adoption. Again, thats my personal feeling. I know not everyone will feel the same.

Okay so the only real voice of experience here is someone that has done both. Otherwise it’s just guessing. Would love to hear from someone that maybe has….

Someone who has surrendered a newborn for adoption and then gone on to raise it in the OP's circumstances? Only YankSplaining would claim to know such a person.

Whatever decision you come to, do it on the assumption that your ex will not be helping with childcare or parenting. Because he has shown he can’t be relied on.