Late term abortion - 31 weeks

[Hellokitty1986]

Trigger warning....(abortion)

Termination at 31 weeks due to extenuating circumstances (uk)?

I will start by saying my son has a genetic disorder which is spontaneous (it was not passed on through me or dad) just one of those unfortunate things. He is 8 years old and In turn, this genetic disorder has caused a cancer that has lost him the use of his legs the past few months. Previous to this he was on a drug trial which was going well and all this decline in his health has happened during the pregnancy which has been hard in itself. Regardless, he is excited to meet his brother as he has been very isolated especially recently.

I had an amnio to rule out my sons condition in this new baby (that would be unlikely considering both me and my partner) and the other few they test for in the UK (downs, trisomy, edwards and pataus). All came back negative.

Everything looked great until 28 week scan. Prominent fetal gall bladder. Asked for a termination. Said no come back in 2 weeks as may resolve. Came back for 30 week scan and it's worse...Prominent gall bladder, dilated bowel and ascites around abdomen (fluid). I am going to speak to a consultant on Tuesday but regardless of what they say this sounds awful. I am also stunned that the only test for 3 genetic disorders with the NHS amnio. I was absolutely sure that they said they test for more. I remember I did ask could I get more extensive testing privately and the dr at Manchester said no, he's never heard of that. I've since realised that's not true. I feel like such an idiot. I am seeing a consultant at another hospital next week but this screams chromosomal disorder already.

Would I be able to make a case for a termination at 31 weeks (UK) due to my sons declining condition and the fact that I cannot look after 2 sick children? I cannot cope watching another child have a bad and painful life brought into the world by me.

Will he be in pain in my stomach if he dues have these anomalies? I can't eat or sleep. I feel sick as a dog.

My heart goes out to you

I'm sorry your son has had so many challenges, but try not to jump to conclusions before seeing fetal medicine. I've known so many have 'off' measurements on scans (short femurs etc that are soft markers for genetic diseases) that have turned out to be nothing - because those scans are really quite inaccurate and can depend on how baby is lying etc.

Meanwhile please get peri-natal mental health help from your midwife. Tell her how you're feeling.

I’m really sorry to hear of your situation. In the UK, it’s legal to have a termination up to birth if your circumstances come within what is known as ‘ground E’. This covers foetal abnormalities of any type. There is some really useful information on ground E for the ARC charity (Antenatal Results and Choices). I didn’t contact them when I was facing this myself but many women have and found them sympathetic and helpful.

www.arc-uk.org/about-us/arc-policy-statements/#grounde

I'm sorry you are going through this and already have a sick child. It must be terribly difficult. I had a TFMR due to patau syndrome, but I was much earlier in the pregnancy.
Did they give any indication of what might be causing the issues on the scan? Are these similar things to what your son has or completely different.

I too was going to recommend ARC. Remember that this isn't your fault and you aren't alone x

I don’t know what the answer to your question is I’m afraid, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you’re all going through. It’s utterly heartbreaking. I would hope the drs would understand and be sympathetic to your situation.

That's so sad op but...would you consider carrying to term and then maybe adoption? It's ok to admit you can't cope with another and maybe someone else could raise him. I mean, I'm pro abortion but...7 months in is a bit much. He could survive alone possibly by that age. He's come so far already, maybe the little tyke is fighter that deserves a chance at life.

Obviously depending on what the doctors say.

But it might be an issue that can be fixed with an operation after birth and that would be that. I'd be inclined to give him, or her a chance.

My aunt had an abortion around this time due to severe abnormalities. I cannot believe they haven’t taken your current circumstances into account when testing and the speed. This needs to be sorted for you quickly. My heart goes out to you OP and I totally understand you wanting to end this pregnancy. One person can only take so much and bringing a life into the world to suffer is a terrible burden.

Op, I’d wait until you have spoken to a consultant. It might be something that they can simply do an operation to resolve once the baby’s born. I can understand your panic due to your first DC, but you need to wait and see. I hope and pray that it will turn out to be something and nothing, but don’t panic until you have all the facts.

I'm so sorry op, your head must be a total mess.

I would do the same as you, prepare for the worst and plan for a late term abortion, and hope that Tuesday brings better news.

You have so much going on, no wonder your thoughts and feelings are all over the place.

I hope the next few days are as gentle on your as they can possibly be, and that Tuesday brings you some clarity 💐

I couldn’t read this and not send you virtual hugs OP. So sorry you are faced with such an awful dilemma at what should be a happy time. I hope you get some clarity on this ASAP.

No of course not, as well as being brought into the world with disabilities they will be abandoned as well by their mum? My son is a little fighter but has nearly died several times, has no friends due to his disabilities and never being at school and has had so many painful operations. I cannot subject another human to that again. You could never understand.

I am praying that they say it's resolved..my poor little man. I am so worried he is in pain now x

I'm just so sorry to read this and you must be in bits. If you can get more testing that can help you decide but I don't think anyone could judge a choice like this which is the most difficult thing in the world and my heart goes out to you

Praying this is the case. I cannot believe this showed up now. I literally told everyone 2 days ago I'm having a baby because I thought the 3rd trimester would be safe. X

OP I asked my sister who is a doctor. She says whilst she can’t diagnose from this there are a few possibilities it could be absolutely nothing and if something is wrong most likely scenario is Jejunal or ileal atresia (bowel obstruction)

This has a good outcome with surgery and he won’t be in pain or have lasting damage.

The next step is tests but it doesn’t necessarily mean the worst..

No judgement whatever you decide just wanted to offer some hope. Thinking of you.

I have no words of advice but I am so sorry to hear of your difficult circumstances.

It seems that you may be projecting what you've been through with your boy onto this new child though.

There's no way of knowing how these disabilities will affect him. If indeed, they could be resolved early in childhood with no further complications.

Also, plenty of children are adopted and don't feel abandoned by their parents. Especially if it's the only life they've ever known and they have a new family who love them.

I'm sorry that your boy is struggling. But perhaps he will have lots of friends one day. And either way, there is nothing to suggest his story is going to be the same as this child.

Please leave op alone.

Of course she's projecting, she lives day in and day out with her son, and has now been told this pregnancy is complicated too. Anyone woukd be struggling.

She has a million thoughts going on right now and you pushing your weird adoption agenda isn't helping op at all.

Oh op I am so sorry you are facing this 💜
I am sending positive thoughts your way and I hope for better news after you've met with the consultant

I can't answer your question, but just wanted to send love at this horrible time. I hope you find peace.

Sending love.
you would get no judgement from me, it sounds like you are in an impossible position

It's hardly a 'weird agenda' to suggest putting 7 months along baby up for adoption as opposed to termination.

Perfectly reasonable suggestion.
Op may not wish to do that, fine.

I chose to terminate at 22 weeks when we discovered my son had de novo rare genetic abnormalities. It was the right thing to do and I did it for him, for me and for his big sister. Once you have all the information you can make a choice but they need to be helping with that as quickly as possible. I can understand why you would not choose to put another human through what your son has been through. I comfort myself that my son only knew the comfort and safety of my womb and not the pain of the many operations he would need to have had (assuming he survived the remainder of the pregnancy). I couldn’t do that so someone I already loved.

Seconded. I also love the message that “just adopt” or “just have them adopted” is this easy peasy answer for all involved. It is not. From an adopter.

OP: I am really hoping for you that this has a happy outcome. Good luck.

You upset op with your first post, she said no.

You doubled down with another post designed to upset op.

Now you're at it a third time.

Leave her alone.