Termination of pregnancy.

[Magino]

suppose I'm just after some reassurance and not to feel like the worst person in the world right now.

just recently found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant, I currently have 2 boys. A 3 year old and a 2 year old. My 3 year old is being diagnosed with Level 3 autism and severe learning difficulties. My 2 year old is also awaiting assessment for ASD. Both my children is non verbal and is fully dependent on me and their dad to meet their everyday needs. They have no understanding of danger or infact don't have much understanding of anything really.
my 3 year old only sleeps around 3 hours a night and has self injury behaviour and severe meltdowns.

i know bringing a new baby in to this world would be unfair on everyone, but why do I literally hate myself for booking in for termination of pregnancy, I just know I struggle everyday as life can be so hard and I can't imagine doing it with a newborn baby.

am I making the wrong decision

Hi OP
i didn’t want to read and run, so hopefully my comment will bump your post so that someone kore useful comes along.
i would say it sounds like an awful lot to deal with as it stands, and especially will a small age gap.
my oldest (Ds6) is waiting for diagnosis (has been for almost 3 years. He is a lot, but his sister (DD3) seems neurotypical so far. I can’t imagine having twice the meltdowns and explanations to deal with.

That being said, I have just found out I am pregnant with a very much wanted 3rd child. If they turn out to be on the spectrum too, it will be hard, but we will manage. We’ve accepted that when deciding on this path for ourselves.

ultimately I think it come down to if you would have regrets either way? You’re not a terrible person, just obviously very worried. X

Hormones in your body is what will be making you feel this way. But it sounds like you’re making the right choice. If I were in your shoes I think I’d be making the same choice

Thank you both for replying, it's so hard. Never thought I would ever be in this position. If things in my life had of been a bit different in regards to my 2 current children I definitely would never dream of making this decision.

I know in my heart I am making the right choice I just hope I will be able to forgive myself someday. Thanks so much x

@Maginoits a horrible choice to have to make, make sure you’re kind to yourself. It sounds like you’ve thought it through though, it’s just hard. Is it possible to talk through with a close friend? Please keep talking on here if it helps.

why do I literally hate myself

Because you've been told to? Because you blame yourself for things that aren't your fault? Because you're much too hard on yourself? Could be any of a lot of reasons.

You're making a decision, a hard one, based on what's best for you and yours. Please know that in NO world does that make you hateful.

Abortion is a horrible regret which has completely destroyed me

I have multiple Autistic dc.
Had I known back then, what I know now, I wouldn't have had any dc.

I know this is incredibly difficult but its so hard having 2 Autistic dc.
Stastitics show subsequent dc are at an increased likelihood of have additional needs too.

I'm so sorry your dealing with this situation but I would make the same choice if I were you.

Sending you strength and kind wishes.

I have two children and I love them dearly, but i absolutely fear another pregnancy. If it was to happen I would make the same choice as you and it would make me sad. If I was to keep the pregnancy I think I would be truly miserable and resentful ( iam already that at times as it is). It is hard but its better than living with regret and it sounds like you already have your plate very very full. It is ok to be sad about it though OP, let yourself be sad about it and you will get stronger in time xx

Nobody can tell you if something is the right or wrong decision, but based on what you've written a termination sounds like a sensible plan. Be kind to yourself because it will still be hard, get some support from a trusted person.

Sorry to hear that.
It's never easy, but it is the best choice in some circumstances.

Definitely allow yourself to feel sad. It’s a huge and tough decision but you are making a choice based on the two children you have, their needs now, and also their future needs.

In the interests of solidarity, I terminated last year, I made the choice that was right for me and I’ve no regrets at all. I know it was the right decision, even in the very occasional wobble moments, I still know it was right.

Whatever you decide, good luck and positive thoughts x

Having a 3 year old and a 2 year old are tough ages. How does your husband feel about having another baby?

He agrees our life is so hard at the minute, we have problems going on with our other 2 children children that is for life, it's not going to go away. They are so young, only 2 and 3. But has assured me either way he's going to make sure I am okay and that our family is okay.

I'm sorry you had to go through that and it has left you feeling the way it has. I don't know why you made your decision but I can imagine it was for the right reasons. I already know it's horrible before I even go through it, the thought of it alone is. But my circumstances is totally out of my control, contraception was use to avoid this happening and it failed, I have 2 little boys who need a fit and healthy mummy and I think bringing another we baby in to the world isn't the right choice at the minute. So either way I think I will be "destroyed"

Thank you so much for your kind words in such a heartbreaking time. X

i know deep down it's for the right reasons and I hope someday I can come to terms with it is going to be the right choice. Thank you so much for replying x

Thank you so much, I know deep down it's for the best x

Thanks so much, this was my biggest fear. I done everything to avoid it happening but obviously failed. Maybe had it of been in another time when my boys was a bit older and I was sure of what their future looked like but at the minute it's not meant to be x

That’s so lovely to hear that your husband is supportive. Many men will blame the women and threaten to leave!

You sound like a great mum to your little boys and they are very lucky to have you caring for them. Like all the previous posters have said you do what is right for you and your family.

Thank you so much, it's good to hear from someone who actually knows first hand how hard life can be with multiple children with autism.
im sure you are doing a great job.

x

it sure is horrible. A decision I never thought I would have to make. But here I am. I have spoke over and over again with my partner and mother and they are with me every step.
I like to think I am strong and hopeful my little boys will be my reason to get through this. Thanks so much for replying x

My eyes are filled with tears for you, @Magino. I can imagine how scared you would feel at what the future will bring, whichever path you choose.

Here's a link if you need somewhere to talk about your feelings, or to read posts from others who aborted. May you find peace in your life again one day.
https://exhaleprovoice.org/post/category/community/

its such a confusing and heartbreaking time, I have booked the appointment to terminate as hard as it was. I will go to the appointment and if my heart tells me different on the day then I have got my answer but at the minute it's all for the right reasons. Thank you so much xx

@Magino this sounds really sensible. “If my heart tells me differently on the day” sounds like you have a lot more clarity than a lot of people in this situation. The practicalities and the heart are both important. Have followed your thread and just want to say I’m thinking of you and hope that whatever way things go that it all works out for you

Thank you so much for your kind words, it's never going to be a easy position to be in but all I can do it go with what's right for our family at the minute and follow my heart when the time come x