Would you terminate because of money issues?

[Buttons659]

trigger warning* talk of abortion.

Id just like some opinions. Would you terminate an unplanned pregnancy if finances were the only factor.
Would you bring a baby into the world if you knew you couldn’t give her everything she needs.
is love enough?

For info: we are a married couple (I’m 39 DH is 42) and we survive on my husbands’s wage only and some UC top up. I can no longer work due to being a full time carer for my disabled eldest daughter.
We already have 3 children. (Age 20, 19, and 8)
We manage, but we forego luxuries.
We only have 3 bedrooms and financially we’d struggle a lot!

what would you do?
i am so sorry that this is a tough topic.

@pmd88 report the thread then and ask for it to be moved.

Hi, OP. We've now moved your thread to the Pregnancy Choices topic as we thought it was a better fit for your topic.

I am shocked with how blase everyone is about such a HUGE decision!

Says you talking about adoption as if that is an easy fix?

We'd also to remind everyone that the OP has posted to ask for support, so please do post with that in mind and avoid breaking our Talk Guidelines. We're here to help each other.

Nothing in this situation is easy. You do you!

I don’t think it’s as simple as you are painting it - it’s not money as such - it’s a about time, energy and resources, and how that will impact on the children you already have.

Can you care for your disabled 20 year old and your 8 year old and a new baby without falling over yourself?

Will the children you have have fewer opportunities (which presumably are limited anyway if money is already very tight) if there was another mouth to feed? Would your 8 year old particularly still get enough time from you?

Your first duty is to yourself and the family you have now.

I think if you're not a full time carer for a disabled child then your opinion doesn't really hold much weight in these circumstances, unless you are one of us you can not possibly comprehend how hard life is for us, we are usually on the brink of a breakdown the majority of the time, with or without help.
Mothers such as us have to make choices based on what's best for us balanced against what's best for the actual live children we already have a legal responsibility for.

Wow, thank you everyone. I didn’t expect so many responses. And I’m sorry to anyone I have offended.
For a little more context, my daughters disabilities are not physical. Without going into too much detail because I respect her right to privacy, her disabilities are learning disabilities, mental health and eating disorder. She requires a lot of supervision because she is a danger to herself, but I hold onto the hope that one day she may recover and be able to be independent. Unfortunately, that time is not yet. She is a very caring girl with a love of animals, and I think she might adore the baby. It could be good for her? Or maybe I’m just clutching at straws.
I’m only 4 weeks pregnant (I know I have used “she” but that is just a feeling) so I know I have time on my side to make a decision.
DH was thrilled when I first told him I was pregnant. I’ve never seen him smile so much. But after a couple of days he delicately told me that a termination would probably be best, but that he’d fully support me either way, and that we’d find a way to make things work if I couldn’t face a termination. He’s a good egg, and I do appreciate his honesty.

I see that most of these responses have advised that termination would be best. I think my brain agrees, but my heart says otherwise. I feel like all Ive done this week is cry.
we have a 7 seater car and a 3 bed house. One day, when DD is in recovery, I’ll be able to return to work as a nurse. The future is so very uncertain but there is hope.

I appreciate everyone’s help on this emotive subject. I’ll continue to give it lots of thought.
thank you all so much

You don't have to apologise for discussing termination. Your body, your choice. This is a woman's site. If people don't want to hear about abortion, they can go elsewhere.

hi. can i rudely jump on this post please as nobody is replying to mine and im desperate for advise. Im in the same situation, unplanned pregnancy, me and my partner still live with our parents and have NO money and our in debt. I think a termination is the right choice but my partner just thinks 'it will work its self out' how?! unless we win the lottery, money isnt going to magically appear. im so stressed about it all and feel like my reason for a termination is valid.

I’d say do some research on figures and costs for the next few years, literally show those figures to your partner and see whether you can come up with a plan to work it out.

Not just things like how you afford maternity leave, but also what your plans for childcare might be.

For reference, I earn just under £38k, and over half my salary just being taken up by mortgage and nursery fees alone. That’s not including bills, food, any general activities.

I just cant see how within the next 6 and half months we can save up for a house, a baby and pay debt off. Its literally impossible. I dont want to go through a pregnancy constantly stressed and down. This just isnt what i want but how do i push aside my partners wants and feelings. Its the hardest thing ive ever been through.