Would you terminate because of money issues?

[Buttons659]

trigger warning* talk of abortion.

Id just like some opinions. Would you terminate an unplanned pregnancy if finances were the only factor.
Would you bring a baby into the world if you knew you couldn’t give her everything she needs.
is love enough?

For info: we are a married couple (I’m 39 DH is 42) and we survive on my husbands’s wage only and some UC top up. I can no longer work due to being a full time carer for my disabled eldest daughter.
We already have 3 children. (Age 20, 19, and 8)
We manage, but we forego luxuries.
We only have 3 bedrooms and financially we’d struggle a lot!

what would you do?
i am so sorry that this is a tough topic.

Finances are a very reasonable consideration, on top your current situation as well with other children to consider it would be a kindness for you all in my opinion. But that is MY opinion and only you can make this decision.

There are other options if you do not want the child. She is a person and if you feel she cannot be given the life she deserves,give her the chance to be with someone who can. Abortion is not the only answer. You and your husband have brought her into the world, ye are not two teenagers who have no clue how these things work. Put her up for adoption. Give her the chance of a happy life, with people who could not concieve themselves. Look at all the people on here, who would do anything for a child. Putting her up for adoption, if you cannot give her what she needs, would be the most loving thing you could do. I am speaking from the pov of someone who was adopted as a baby and I can honestly say I had the best parents and upbringing. My niece was born to my sister at 18, she considered abortion, my niece is now 16 and the joy she has brought us all is immeasurable. I cannot imagine a world without my niece in it or imagine if I had not got that chance of a life. It all worked out. Your life sounds so challenging and hard, I am so sorry for that and that you are in such a difficult situation. I wish you all the best.

My own personal feelings. No, absolutely not, I could not and would not terminate a pregnancy under those circumstances and including that family set up.

It’s easy for people with money and a support network to say don’t terminate it will be ok. But you understand your situation and how much can stretch and what will be compromised. Do you think your older children would help out or would you not want them to? There’s no wrong answer. Good luck

Has nobody heard of adoption?

It isn’t just finances, you have other children to consider. In the circumstances you describe I would prioritise my existing children and 100% would terminate the pregnancy.

How does that help?

In these circumstances yes, not only for pure financial reasons but also because whilst 3 children is a lot, a 4th adds disproportionate extra costs

@pmd88 I wouldn't want to put myself through 9 months of pregnancy, and birth and then have the child raised elsewhere knowing they are out there with them knowing they were adopted, adoption might work for some, but that all sounds pretty physically and mentally traumatic to me and it's not what I would choose. I do not think abortion is cruel to zygotes or foetuses that do not have a consciousness, so to me abortion is the much kinder option.

Plus risk. You are your disabled daughters carer. What is the new baby is also disabled or high needs? What if you suffer birth injuries that make it harder to care for your children? As someone roughly the same age I would probably terminate for many reasons, but my age would be a factor because it's harder on your body the older you are and you have a lot of calls on you already.

Whatever you decide it needs to be right for you. Good luck.

If you're a full time carer to your eldest can you actually cope with a baby as well? What if it needs to be in hospital for a spell or something? All things to consider as well as the financial side.

Depends how pregnant you are.

I would assume if someone had a conscience and a heart, which this woman evidentally does considering she cares fulltime for her disabled child,that knowing she gave this baby a chance at a good life would be comforting. Abortion carrys huge trauma in most people.

Totally agree.

Would you be ok looking after a baby as well as being a carer for your other child?

Yes I would terminate. We both work, have decent incomes and I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child. I’m already worried about affording nursery costs for 2 children. I also wouldn’t be able to afford a bigger house or a bigger car.

Sent before finished.Totally agree that this is a hard situation on so many levels.

Adoption isn't all roses and butterflies. I know so many situations where adoption was unsuccessful and caused long term damage to the adopted person.

I am shocked with how blase everyone is about such a HUGE decision!

@pmd88 you don't see the irony in talking about conscience and heart do you? You worry about your body and the choices you would make for you, you've made your point, you don't need to put your moral judgement on her, that's not your place.

Ending a life isnt all roses and butterflies either for ANYONE involved.

This!

Under these circumstances, I would abort.
I had my first child adopted when I was 16 back in 1982. I would never advise someone to go through that. The pain is just as bad now as it was back then. I wish I'd done what I wanted which was abort rather than listening to other people.

I gave my opinion. You questioned it. End of. Also agree with poster whose comment was deleted. This is on the WRONG section!

Well maybe the child you gave a life to is happy.