I've never posted on here before, but currently have no one other than my husband to talk to at the moment and I'm desperate for some impartial advice (I do have good friends just don't feel ready to tell them).
I'm early thirties with two wonderful children (3&5) I feel that this year we have really turned a corner and life is suddenly easier. DH is currently on the waiting list for a vasectomy, and whilst we are usually really careful with condoms, we had one stupid (drunk) night and have ended up accidentally pregnant. I should add too that I have regular cycles and I was only 5 days away from starting my period so I'd assumed the next morning that I'd be safe.
I'm in bits and my head is all over the place. Two years ago I would have been delighted to find out I was pregnant, but DH has always been adamant that two is enough, and this past year I've started to agree. The thought of being pregnant, and having another baby with over a 4 year age gap between my middle and youngest fills me with panic. My main concerns are money (our house is big enough and we do ok, but we certainly arent rich and a third would more than likely reduce abroad holidays, days out ect as we've only just this year been able to afford one again). I just don't want the other two to miss out on things because I have a third. The other biggie is time with the older kids. I always hate how grumpy/snappy I get sometimes which I'm really trying to work on, but I'm worried another one in the mix will mean less attention and patience.
DH has made it clear he does not want this third child but has said he would never force me into anything. I know if I keep it, he will be supportive as he's already a great dad, but I don't want to force him into a baby that he doesn't want. If we did have this baby it would be loved and cared for, but it would really be stretching us to our max. I use to look at familys of 3 and yearn for it, but now I haven't got a broody bone in my body.
The issue is the thought of terminating this pregnancy makes me so upset, I'm not sure I'd be able to do it. I have spoken to BPAS and had an initial consultation, but just burst into tears even saying the word. I'd like to add that I am very pro choice and always assumed I'd be able to go through with an abortion if I felt it was right for me and my family, but I've pretty much cried for four days straight trying to decide. Sorry for such a long post and I don't even feel as though I've scratched the surface with all my conflicting feelings but ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do.