Abortion?

[Staceybeak]

Really need another opinion! TW - talk of abortion.

Recently me and my partner have been talking about a third child, not really saying we want one but we were taking a ‘if it happens, it happens’ kind of way.

Fast forward to now, I’m pregnant with our third child. Partner has decided he really doesn’t want it and wants me to have an abortion.

His reasons are perfectly valid as our other 2 kids are a good age, we’ve just got rid of all our baby stuff and he’s doing really well at work.

Me on the other hand was quite happy that I was pregnant but my mind is slowly turning to have an abortion just to make our lives easier as we have argued about it a lot and it’s getting into my head about how hard it will be with 3 kids.

He says he’s ‘happy’ with whatever decision I choose to go with. But that breaks my heart that he’s ‘happy’ for me to go an have an abortion.

I really don’t know what to do as our lives are perfect at the moment and ever since I’ve become pregnant it’s just turned to shit! we talk about it and it always ends up sour and I get upset, I really don’t know what to do!

This.
I personally think that you need to think about this, and if it's not right for you both then have one. You will also need to think about the other side being, if you do get one will you regret it and resent him for it.
Either choice may damage the relationship.
I think you both need to sit down and have a good talk about it.

I was in the exact same situation, plus a hideous misunderstanding about what he thought I meant by "I can't do this". She's nearly five now and he came round to it very quickly once I clarified that I could not have an abortion. Don't worry.

This is a couple of months old now, I presume @Staceybeak has made her decision by now.

@KB2023, it might be easier to start your own thread so people see your post, they’re just going to reply to the original one in this thread.

You mean a world where a woman has the right to have an abortion if she wants? Sounds good to me.

Well then he shouldn’t have been having unprotected sex, “had no say in it” my bloody arse.. So sick of men seeing abortion as a contraception option available to them. Having an abortion is a big deal, I don’t know what they imagine it to be like. Idiots. I’d actually be pretty angry at him for being so bloody selfish.

Only have an abortion if it’s what YOU want.

Sorry but you sound horribly selfish and if not quite a bit stupid. You stated you "hated your last abortion" but seemingly not enough to knowingly risk another pregnancy. your attitude to abortion is frivolous and just so blase, like your returning an unwanted jumper or something. Time for you to grow up and take responsibility because your attitude is awful.

Should women not be allowed abortions without sufficient suffering on their part?

Selfishness is not an inherently negative trait, and she absolutely should be selfish when it comes to what happens to her own body and life.

and abortion is as ‘heavy’ as the individual facing one considers it to be. Thankfully, it isn’t required to be an horrific ideal that leaves a woman traumatised and guilt ridden, despite what your preferences may be.

Omg the amount of sanctimonious comments on this thread! Good lord!!

Op please ignore the you decided to have a baby and now you don't want it comments which I don't even want to repeat.

Sometimes the harsh reality of being pregnant with all the extra hormones remind you how hard the actual pregnancy is aswell as being a parent again. When I was pregnant with hg a third time and 2 young kids I was terrified and couldn't do it as I was so sick and thought this is going to be my life. I was bedridden. It was a planned pregnancy and sadly I had no choice but to terminate. Once all the hormones had gone away I was depressed and couldn't understand why I terminated then understood why with time. But I knew I wanted a third child. I got pregnant again and guess what? I didn't want to be pregnant and I felt like you and again the hg came. But I just remembered that when I wasn't pregnant I wanted this baby. It was a really weird cycle. I've around 19 weeks pregnant and happy. But when those hormones come back I get scared and think why did I do this? But once everything settled I'm okay again. Whatever you decide good luck with it. It's your choice and ignore all the silly comments. People can't judge you unless they've been in the same situation and know the full story. This is coming from someone who thought she'd never have an abortion.

@KB2023 Hey, I’ve been there myself, falling pregnant in less-than-‘ideal’ circumstances and I can very much relate to parts of your story!

A bit about me: I fell pregnant at 20; I had left uni, and was living at home, with no job.

Unlike you, I wasn’t sure I wanted a child then, or ever.

And like you, my boyfriend of 5 months wanted me to have an abortion.

So between what he wanted, and everything else going on, everything pointed against me having my baby … But at the end of the day I realised I couldn’t do it, couldn’t terminate. And I realised I had to make the decision that worked for me, not give into pressure from anyone or anything, and avoid the regret I knew I would feel if I got rid of my baby.

So I kept my son and raised him without that boyfriend in the picture or without help from any man, … and things worked out really well for him and for me! There’s lots of love between us! His arrival motivated me to turn my life round, go back to school, and get a pretty good job to provide for us. He’s grown now and is successful and happy in life, and helps me in many ways. I have never regretted my choice.

In the end it’s your decision what to do; having been through this difficult dilemma I would never judge you and no one should, not for either choice.
I’d just suggest you give it some (more) serious thought before any final decision. You know how you felt after your other termination, and the more you do it, the greater the emotional impact might be, not to mention sometimes the greater physical risks.

But you know something, on the other side of the coin … I can’t say as I’ve met anyone who regrets keeping her baby!

I sincerely wish you all the best no matter what. Would like to know how you’re getting on if you would care to keep in touch! x

Hi. So basically I just found out I was pregnancy last week. I have a dc 6 months old. I was told I was infertile and used fertility treatment for my dc and two other babies who I lost at 5 weeks and 22 weeks. So it was a MASSIVE shock to see a positive test. My pregnancies are not easy and I need operations on my cervix during and I developed pre eclampsia so I really don’t want anymore pregnancies. Anyway, I’m just scared that I’ll be refused an abortion and I will be forced to go through 9 months of trauma from my previous experiences with pregnancy. I’m in Scotland.

There’s a whole subreddit for regretful parents, not to mention the many Mumsnet threads where posters talk about it. It certainly happens, and I don’t think it’s particularly helpful or indeed honest to say that while she can regret one course of action, she’ll never regret the other. Neither decision is one that can be reversed after a certain point.