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Pregnancy choices

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Original poster

Should I get an abortion? Please help!

62 replies

S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:44

So I have 3 children already. Two of secondary school age and one primary. I have just found out I am pregnant again. This is with the father of my children but he is in another relationship and she is also expecting.

He is adamant he will leave all of us for good if I keep this baby however I feel like it’s all for his girlfriends benefit and so his affair doesn’t become public.

There are so many things for me to think about but I don’t think I could cope if he didn’t come back and hated me for keeping the baby.

i know people will say it’s my choice and strong mommas can do it alone but I feel like I’m having a dilemma and any advice would be appreciated 💕

OP posts:
SpudsIluv · 27/07/2022 20:46

LYN

SpudsIluv · 27/07/2022 20:46

🤔

LTB

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/07/2022 20:48

This is with the father of my children but he is in another relationship and she is also expecting.

He's scum. And regardless of anything else, make sure he never had sex with you again.

You need to decide if you want it and can do it without him. Can you?

YomAsalYomBasal · 27/07/2022 20:49

You need to run a million miles away from him either way. Regardless of what he thinks, do you want another baby?

Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:49

LTB? Sorry I’m new to this?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/07/2022 20:49

S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:49

LTB? Sorry I’m new to this?

Leave the bastard.

Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:50

I could do it without him but he won’t make it easy. He will either be really mean or disappear on the other children. Either way it feels like an unfair choice

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 27/07/2022 20:50

I don’t think I could cope if he didn’t come back and hated me for keeping the baby.

You can cope, you already are because he isn’t with you, you are the affair, he isn’t ever going to be with you, if he was he wouldn’t be having a baby with someone else and telling you to abort. So you need to make this decision for you, based on what you want, and no that you will be doing it as a single parent. Get rid of this guy regardless of your choice he is an idiot. Good luck with whatever you choose OP.

Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:51

I didn’t think I did. Ideally I work full time and have so many other commitments but I’m worried about the regret of an abortion just because I feel like if I was supported my decision would more than likely be different.

OP posts:
Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:52

Thankyou 💕

OP posts:
Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 20:53

Ahh thankyou 😂

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/07/2022 20:54

Time to say goodbye to what might have been.

He's a waste of space. Do you want this pregnancy to continue knowing that.

MeridianGrey · 27/07/2022 20:54

What if you abort and he buggers off and never sees any of his children ever again? Make this decision for you and you alone, he doesn’t deserve a say.

Tillow4ever · 27/07/2022 20:59

None of us can tell you whether or not you should have an abortion. And we shouldn't tell you! It has to be 100% your choice. None of us will support you financially/in-person if we tell you to keep the baby and it will all be ok. And none of us will able to support you through the wide range of emotions you'll almost certainly feel if we tell you to abort and you do.

What we can do is advise you to think about whether you want to do this alone. Because either way you need to get rid of the AH. Who gets two women pregnant at the same time, then gives the mother of his other children an ultimatum to force her to abort? Chances are, if you do that to keep him in your life, he'll leave anyway. Personally I wouldn't give him the chance - I'd kick his ass to the kerb NOW and make the decision about the baby with a view to being a single parent and whether or not you can cope.

Could you get some counselling to help you talk things through? What is your support network like?

No matter what, you do not deserve a partner who treats you the way yours has. You can be so much more without him. Don't let him dictate to you what you do or not do with your body though!

Good luck.

Skoolsout · 27/07/2022 21:02

Well he can’t leave you if he isn’t with you in the first place.

Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 21:08

Ahh thankyou for taking the time to send such a thorough reply @Tillow4ever
He is a big red flag my best friend has been telling me for years! We all have that one person we’re blind for though!
my support network is minimal but I do have a great little routine between work and school runs etc.
I know I could cope alone as a single parent but I just feel like I don’t know what’s right.
I also only have boys right now and my gut is telling me it’s a girl!
I just feel torn and wish he was on my side!
thankyou for being so kind! X

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 27/07/2022 21:15

I'm so sorry @S4976, this isn't an easy situation at all. If your friend has seen red flags for years though, I would try to really listen now.

Whatever you do though, make your decision based on doing it alone - that way you won't regret what could have been!

Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 21:17

@Tillow4ever
Thankyou for the advice. It's always easier to listen to someone who doesn't have a bias opinion.
Honestly it's appreciated x

OP posts:
Original poster
S4976 · 27/07/2022 21:20

@MrsTerryPratchett
"Do you want this pregnancy to continue knowing that" ...it's part of the dilemma but regardless it's still my child and I don't know if I'd regret having an abortion or keeping it more at this stage is what I meant X

OP posts:
heartbroken22 · 27/07/2022 23:32

He sounds abusive and petty. Why don't you do yourself a favour and say bye bye to him. Then decide what you want. What a horrible man.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/07/2022 01:00

I don't know if I'd regret having an abortion or keeping it more at this stage

And all we can say is what we'd do. That that talk is cheap because you're the one who has to live with it. Imagine yourself in 1 year, 2 years and so on. What do you think you'd be happiest with?

Original poster
S4976 · 28/07/2022 08:16

Thank you for all the replies ladies. I wish I was nearer a decision.
If only we had a hand book or a crystal ball to look into the future.
I think I'll just have to revisit the pros and cons and see if I can come up with a solution.
Would be easier if I wasn't annoyed at myself for being here to begin with.
It's not about wanting another child because I was almost certain I didn't want one. It's my longing for a daughter and or the possibility of living with regret and not being able to take it back.
My mind is just in overload and I think you are all right by saying the other half isn't helping at all 😞

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 28/07/2022 08:22

He isn’t your other half if he’s in a relationship with someone else. Leave him out of the decision.
And no. We don’t all have that one person we’re blind for. Most people don’t have relationships with people who treat them badly or cheat.

Original poster
S4976 · 28/07/2022 08:23

@Wolfiefan slightly passive aggressive and judgmental?

OP posts:
CantaloupeMelon · 28/07/2022 08:26

I know it's hard, but you need to separate the decision from its affect on him and just think of yourself here.

Imagine that this baby is a boy and you end up doing it completely solo. How would you feel about this pregnancy?