Boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

[Emmmilllyyy]

Hi there, I'm just after some advice really.

I've just found out I'm pregnant, it's unexpected as I'm on contraception. When I find out I was shocked but actually had a feeling of joy wash over me.

I told my boyfriend yesterday, and he's been quite honest that he doesn't want it and he's not ready, and has begged me to get an abortion.

I know the timing isn't ideal, I've just started a new job, and he's just set up a new business, and we're both back at home living with our parents. But where not exactly young, I'm in my 30s and he's in his 20s so I feel we're more than capable of doing this.

Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated, thank you

Trin, what? He would never forgive you 1. if you were pregnant, and 2. if you had an abortion. So if you WERE pregnant, does that mean he would want to have the baby? Forget about what he wants for now, what do you want? Because you are the one who will have to live with the decision that is made. If you want to be a mom, this is an unexpected opportunity for you. You are still young enough that if you want your child to have a brother or sister in the future, you can still make it happen and space them out however you like. If you abort and then struggle to conceive in the future, this could cause you a lot of regret. It sounds like a bad sign when your partner says they'll never forgive you, but sometimes that is exaggeration and they just need time to get used to the idea. If he loves you, you should be able to come to him with anything. Good luck to you Trin.

Can you afford a baby? Do you have a job that will pay maternity leave? A support system? A proper stable home to bring a child into this world ?

if the answer to all is “yes” then have it, if the answer is “no” then don’t have it.

You bf is a massive jerk. He’s basically put you between a rock and a hard place, it’s a no win situation for you. Is he aware that contraception fails sometimes?

How old are you, @Trin12 ? Are you financially secure? Do you have support from family? Are you ready to bring baby up on your own?

I'm really angry at the bulshit that nurse told you. You can get pregnant right away when you come off hormonal contraception. It most definitely not affect your fertility for up to 2 years, wtf..

Iv just gone 30 and I'm financially secure and would have support from family and friends. He mentioned today that I would have ruined his life for the next 18 years

It’s takes 2, u didn’t conceive this baby by yourself, he’s an arse putting all the blame on you. Do what’s right for you. If you want the baby then you will regret an abortion but equally there is nothing wrong with not wanting this pregnancy if you aren’t ready either. You have lots of time to decide. Just make sure it’s your decision and not his.

Also that nurse is beyond thick, I fell pregnant the first month coming off contraception in all my pregnancies bar 1 and even then I was pregnant by 3rd month. Yes it can take time for some but more often than not it doesn’t, majority of couples it takes less than 6 months and 9 out of 10 are pregnant by a year of trying. I can’t believe she gave u that advice

@Emmmilllyyy have you decided yet OP?

I was just going to ask how old is your BF exactly.

Err no, sex was a joint effort, and the contraception was for joint benefit. Dealing with any unexpected results is a joint responsibility. I note he didn't double up on contraception.

Of course you must claim child maintenance.

Congratulations btw. My sister had an abortion because her ex boyfriend pressured her to. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

Ignore the posters saying you can’t expect him to be responsible for the child or stick around for them. If he didn’t want a kid he should have used his own contraception.

Yes, he will never forgive me if I am pregnant and I'd be on my own, also if I don't keep the baby I'd be on my own. Yes I have a job and would get mat leave and have a house etc. I don't even know what I want anymore I never expected this response I thought he'd be like ok let's go check and we will figure out what we want to do together but alls that has happened is him telling me it's my fault if I am iv ruined his life he will never forgive me either way if I am pregnant

Noone is more pro-choice than me, but its abundantly clear you want this baby & have support. You may end up a single mum, or it may all work out. You wont be alone forever even if you & he dont work out.

Trust yourself & your wishes. Its your body. Do not be pressured by anyone

And make sure he pays his way. claim maintenance.

Thank you, im going to take some time to think about it and well tell him I am pregnant, im thinking either way to tell him to leave my house. Tbh I don't know why I didn't look it up when the nurse told me alls I thought at the time was that we had spoken about wanting kids in a few years and the way she made it out was that I'd be lucky to be able to conceive before I was 35 he knew from the very same day I wasn't going back for the injection and he was dishing out his baby names a couple of weeks ago I never expected this reaction at all.. we aren't even talking anymore im going to get work out the way tomorrow because I cannot focus at all then sit him down

Hi everyone,

I just found out I’m pregnant. Backstory is that I fell pregnant with my partner last year and he asked me to abort, I did and it was traumatic.

Fast forward a year, my OH and I were sitting down for dinner and he tells me he is ready for baby and if I would consider taking my coil out. I had not spoken about babies since our termination and thought it was completely off the cards for us. Naturally I was surprised but also felt this wow feeling that I really didn’t know existed inside me.

I agreed to have my coil out and scheduled it for a month later so I could really settle into the idea of letting it happen if it happened. i have not even had a single period before falling pregnant and now he’s said that he didn’t mean it and that he doesn’t want a baby, please could I consider getting rid of it.

All I have done since finding out a few days ago is cry at the fact that this is my body and to ask me again to go through the trauma of abortion again is just something I don’t think I can do.

He is saying to me that he’s not telling me to do it but I should consider what life would be like raising a baby alone. Bear in mind that this is not a new relationship, we have been together for five years and so the decision to have a baby with him felt natural and comfortable to me. I didn’t think that in a thousand years he would turn around and say he doesn’t want a baby after asking me to take my coil out and continuing to have sex without any contraception. I mean what did he expect would happen?

I feel completely blindsided and don’t know where to turn. I have typed this so quickly and I know I have probably left a lot of detail out. But I am desperate for someone to help me make sense of my emotions… I am dying inside.

Hi @Idontwantausernameplease I'm sorry for your situation. You may find you get more replies if you start a new thread of your own rather than posting on an existing one.

Hi, I’m looking for advice. My daughter has told me that she is pregnant, she is in a relationship, both are financially stable, they have just moved into their first home together.
problem: Her partner said he is not ready for kids and wants her to have a termination.
I know in my heart that she doesn’t want to. She wants to continue with the pregnancy.
I am beside myself with worry, I feel heart broken for her. She has basically got to choose him or the baby… he is so selfish!!
the next concern is that my daughter has PCOS.. the dr told her years ago that she might struggle to have children. She only has one or two periods a year..
I just don’t know how much I should get involved without confusing her.
ive told her I’m there for her with any choice she makes, but I know that’s she is going to go down the route of termination for him!
its a confusing time for her, one minute she wants to keep the pregnancy then the next she says she has no choice but to terminate as she wants her relationship, house etc. I just don’t know what to say.. I’m just listening and reassuring… I want to say.. are you crazy girl, this man won’t support you with a pregnancy but he will with a termination.
I feel heart broken for her, this is her first pregnancy and she should be excited.
what could I possibly say to her so she doesn’t have regrets if she wants the baby and decides to terminate…
what’s a terrible situation.
any suggestions please x