Advice for later abortion

[Lily966]

I’m hoping to post this and not have any judgment as I judge myself so much as it is. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and was so excited however my partner was not. He has never been sure if kids were for him and after 6 years together where he has struggled with his mental health, he finally took the plunge this year to get help. The pregnancy was a total shock as I was on contraception and he made it clear since when we found out that he did not think the time was right. We have a house but our income isn’t great, we live month to month and he feels he would rather have better mental health as he struggles day to day (also has an addiction which he would rather stop before having a child). I couldn’t decide what to do and only now do I feel like it’s unfair to bring a baby into the world were I am struggling to provide and their dad doesn’t want them. The earliest I could get for an abortion is when I turned 17 weeks and I have decided to go through with it for my own well-being and my partners as I don’t have great support to go through it alone. The whole experience has also affected my mental health. Can anyone please advise me of what to expect with the second part of the abortion? I’ve already taken the first tablet and I’m due to have. The next part at the end of the week, I’m so scared and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. I’m just really lost at the minute

Did they give you the tablets to take at home? They're only meant to be taken up to 10 weeks as I understand it.

Yes it’s the medical abortion I am getting, they said you’re allowed to do this up til 18 weeks as surgical wasn’t an option.

And you're at home? You're doing all of this at home at 17 weeks?

This doesn't sound right.
The pills are for early stages only?

I had a late abortion and it was done at a private hospital. I was put to sleep.

I'm imagining you're in hospital, which is good. You will probably need some pain management and there might feel like there's a degree of pushing although hopefully not protracted. Are you being well looked after?

I took the first tablet at a clinic and have to go into hospital for the second lot of tablets. I was sick around 30 mins after taking the first tablet so was thinking about not going to the hospital and seeing if things progress but I don’t think I can stop it now as I’ve had pains since taking it

I would definitely do as much of it as you can with medical support in a safe environment. You run the risk of retaining product if you don't go back in which can be very dangerous for you.

Thank you, I do think I need to go through with it now and live with my choice but I feel so ashamed. Worried that it’s going to be an awful experience due to the weeks past but my partner is coming to support me and they’ve advised pain relief will be provided

I think once you've taken the first pill there's very very little chance your pregnancy is sustainable, but medical staff will be able to speak to you on that. I hope it's straight forward for you.

Yeah it seems that way, I’ve spent all day trying to find some way to stop what’s happened but I need to remember I made the choice for a reason :( thank you for responding xx

I'm surprised your not in hospital. I dont think its wise to think you could do this at home alone if its started tbh. Never had a abortion but had a very early MC at home. Not so bad for someone who has given birth before ( physically anyway) but if you've not given birth before I think you will be in for a hard time doing it alone at home also I'm not sure that's safe either? I'd seek help if you think your contracting or start to bleed. Good luck.

Oh OP I'm sorry to hear this. I hope they have made you aware that baby will be fully formed and you'll be able to tell the sex. Wishing you lots of love.

*sending you lots of love sorry. Was also meant to say wishing you well. Sorry.

Thank you and sorry to hear of your MC. I’ve not given birth before but I’ve been advised to go into hospital when I take the second part of the medication that will start the contractions, just so worried about what to expect

Clinic will be able to give you max painkillers so dont put it off too late. Take whatever you are offered / need.

Thank you very much, they’ve advised that it’s going to be difficult and distresssing and to try and look away. Just so worried I will see something as I know that image will live with me forever x

I hope they are supporting you mentally as well as physically in hospital. I didn't think you could have the tablets after 10 or 12 weeks I thought it had to be surgical. Remember the reasons why you are doing it and don't be ashamed and more importantly don't let anyone make you feel ashamed it's not an easy decision to make. Sending hugs x

Thank you so much, I would have preferred the surgical option but they’ve advised that due to covid they no longer offer them in Scotland :( they’ve referred me to counselling as I am really struggling with the choice but I know deep down it’s for the best as my environment is too unstable xx

I'm sorry for your situation as well. I think you will get contraction type cramps but they can offer your more painkillers than a woman in labour. You might pass a fair amount of blood / clots but theres no need to look at any point.

You will bleed heavily for a few days afterwards but then it will trail off to be a longer period. Take lots of pads and old pants that you can throw away if possible. Just take what ever pain relief you can. It shouldn't be too bad pain wise hopefully but the bleeding afterwards might be a bit heavy. I'd worry that's what would shock you if you tried to stay at home. You need to be where the pain relief is.

Thank you so much I appreciate your message more than you know. It’s made me feel a bit better as I have been thinking the worst in my head, can’t eat or sleep due to worry of seeing anything but I’m sure I can get through it xx

You don’t need to see anything if you don’t actively choose too. I have had 4 kids and it’s pretty impossible to watch what’s going on logistically. If you choose to sit on the loo or similar then I think they might put a bed pan out for you. Again you don’t need to look, the nurse will check. When the pg has passed then they will confirm that for you. Ask lots of questions beforehand and that will ease your mind. There’s lots of painkillers you can’t have in labour because it makes the baby sleepy / floppy but that won’t be a issue and they will offer you the best pain relief but you should tell them if it’s not working well enough. Don’t be in pain, it can be eased.

Thank you, just hoping it’s a quick experience as I am dreading it :(

Hope you’re doing ok OP

Thank you, hoping I feel better once it’s over I just feel like an awful person and the anxiety of the procedure is a lot at the moment :( x

I don’t know what will happen but hugs op. A very difficult and stressful decision. I hope your life gets better.suggest you keep your eyes closed at points and remember why this was the right decision for you