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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Medical termination

128 replies

Box1806 · 15/02/2022 19:29

hi,

I’m currently around 5/6 weeks pregnant. I’m booked for a medical termination on Saturday.

Bit of background - I have a 22 month old son suspected autistic but amazing and thriving. After having my son and losing my grandad, I developed health anxiety and it’s quite severe. I’d only just started to recognise who I was again when I discovered I was pregnant. Which seemed so cruel because we tried for 5 years for my son and eventually had him via IVF. - emotionally I couldn’t cope with another just now. and I am really worried about another child with care needs. Most of all I’m worried how I’ll cope afterwards, will I regret this? Hate myself? End up depressed? Although I’ve always been pro choice, I never thought I’d have to make this choice and I wish I wanted this pregnancy because I feel like a monster.

Sorry, enough of the Ramplings! I’m just wondering of any others experiences of a medical (I’ll be staying in hospital) or if anyone else I’d going through this and wants to support each other.

If you are going through this I’m sooo sorry. 😔

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Luckyme30 · 15/02/2022 20:00

Hey sorry to hear you’re going through this.

I wanted to reach out because I’m in a similar situation (have a 16 month old) and although we said we always wanted another (which makes me feel even more guilty) I suffer terrible anxiety and depression, especially in pregnancy.

I don’t think I could possibly cope with 2 babies, my first born was hard work at times and I struggled mentally with lockdown with a newborn and being on my own so much.

Where are you based, did you find the wait time long to have the procedure?

I’m still waiting for an appointment with BPAS. Irs scheduled for next Tuesday but I’ll be nearly 9 weeks and I’m very nervous I’m going to be pushing it over their limit for a medical procedure if it’s not soon!

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Box1806 · 15/02/2022 20:30

@Luckyme30

Oh lovely I’m so sorry. You are very similar to me, I’m in the same position as in I also wanted more children but when I discovered I was pregnant I knew I didn’t want this baby. Although a small part of me thinks what if this is all fear anxiety and hormones. 😔

I’m in Sheffield, And I got a cancellation. Where are you based? Have you tried contacting your local hospital? they may have something sooner.

Not sure if you have any support at home but Feel free to chat to me whenever I don’t have any experience in this but we can support each other with some kind words. X

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Luckyme30 · 15/02/2022 20:45

@Box1806 it’s so awful isn’t it? I just feel extremely guilty for allowing this to happen :(

I am in the south not far from London, my problem is that my local hospitals don’t offer anything it’s all done directly via BPAS.

I tried to call last week to see if they had any cancellations for the first initial phone call but they said it’s very rare to get a cancellation, though I may try again tomorrow.

I have my partner but it’s so difficult to explain to him how I’m feeling, I lock myself away in the room in the evenings, all I want to do is sleep as I can forget about it all that way.

Do you think you’ll ever try for another baby?

Thank you re the support, you too, please feel free to send me a message. I hope all goes well for you x

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Whattodo12349 · 15/02/2022 21:01

Hi both. I’ve just been through a medical abortion, last week. I have two children, 4 and 2, and our family was very much complete. I have had PND after both children and it’s been a hard year with redundancy and renovating a house. 2022 was supposed to be a great year for us so finding our contraception had failed was very hard.

Physically the process was absolutely fine. I was 7 weeks. I did panic after taking the first tablet and doubted my choice but I think it was mostly the weight of the decision and finality of it. I did it at home and managed to clean the house while it was going on, moving actually helped. But emotionally i’m quite fragile. I don’t think it was the wrong decision but I realise that I didn’t spend enough time thinking about the solutions to all my perceived problems with the pregnancy. I think I’d still have come to the same decision but while I weighed up the pros and cons of continuing the pregnancy I didn’t look for solutions to the cons and I regret that. So my recommendation would be that you really interrogate your decision so you go in to it with a really clear head. Hormones will make you wobbly after so be ready for that. I’m very sad but not eaten up with guilt.

Not helped by it being half term and my DH has taken the kids away while I work! The empty house is def making the empty feeling worse.

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Box1806 · 15/02/2022 21:07

@Luckyme30

I’ve felt the same, any chance I’ve had I’ve locked myself away. I do think it’s easier for a man because they don’t really have to go through what we will do. But if you can it might help to get that support and talk saying things out loud, maybe it’ll make this easier. is he on board with your decision?

My partner would actually prefer to keep the baby but he understands my reasons, I would find it incredibly difficult mentally to continue, my head and my heart are in pieces. I feel so conflicted. The thoughts of actually going through with it scares me, because I’m scared I’ll regret it.

ahh strange how different post codes can differ in treatments. I know my hospital isn’t offering surgical abortion which was my first option. Will you take the tablets at home or in the hospital? I’ve chosen the hospital.

I always saw myself with more children yes. Did you? Although now I probably think I don’t deserve anymore. 😔

In terms of your appointment on Tuesday is that for your treatment or a telephone consultation?

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Luckyme30 · 16/02/2022 06:36

@Box1806 that’s the thing, it definitely feels easier for them as their bodies are not changing and the hormones definitely not surging!

My partner is on board with my decision, though like yours he would have liked another but does understand. I really struggled in my last pregnancy and to be honest was surprised I made it through but think he realises it’ll be on me with childcare if we have another, so ultimately my mental health comes first.

My first appointment on Tuesday is just a telephone consultation, I’m so worried as I’ll be 8+4 and have had abdominal surgery recently (which I believe might be criteria for them to need to scan first which really puts me on the cusp of not being able to have the medical option.

I would have liked surgery but have just seen a post on Mumsnet that someone is having to wait 4 weeks, I don’t think I can!

Ideally if they will let me do the medical option I would like to be in hospital but again due to where I live I’m not sure it was an option!

Is yours with BPAS or through a local hospital?

@Whattodo12349 thank you for the advice and for sharing your experience, I’ve been waiting for 3 weeks, I’ve had so much time to think it through.

I’m still worried that I may be making the wrong choice (in the long term) but not sure my mental health coukd handle a toddler and a newborn :(
I’m scared of how I’ll feel after - in terms of mental health/guilt/regret.

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Beeheart · 16/02/2022 09:04

@Luckyme30 Firstly I hope once you have your first appointment things speed up for you, I know the wait can be agonising.

I just wanted to offer some reassurance about the feelings after. I had the same worries, I had frequent moments in the wait of extreme sadness for the loss and often questioning that I would be making the wrong decision. I thought I would be a crying mess whilst carrying it out too. I hadn't expected the sense of calm I had, and then the relief of feeling like myself again after weeks of sickness, bloating and clouds of hormones. Whilst there are sad moments, they don't stick around for long.

I hope the process goes smoothly for youFlowers

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Box1806 · 16/02/2022 09:11

@Beeheart and @Whattodo12349 thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I know it’s such a heartbreaking choice to make and one no woman “wants” to do. I think you’re really brave.

@Luckyme30 my appointment is with my local hospital. Can you contact BPAS and ask about the option of staying in? I’m sure it won’t be an issue. Try not to worry about the things you can’t control. How many weeks are you now?

I’ve just worked it out that I’ll be 6+6 on Saturday. we aren’t allowed to take partners so I will quite literally be doing it alone. so I suppose there is some benefit by doing this in your own home. X

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Luckyme30 · 16/02/2022 09:36

@Beeheart thank you for the reassurance! I needed to read this.
Honestly the hormones are turning me into a totally different person Confused

@Box1806 when I asked a few weeks ago (over the phone to BPAS) they said they can’t discuss the options with me and that I have to wait for the consultation.

I will definitely ask if I can go in :)

Awful that partners are not allowed but hopefully you’ll have lots of support from the nurses there on the day x

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mae9075 · 16/02/2022 10:51

Hi OP. I’m currently 4 weeks pregnant and I’m having to have a medical termination. I have a 2 year old son and a 5, nearly 6 month old daughter. This was unplanned and unexpected and my partner has said we financially can’t afford another baby as heartbreaking as that is for me. I’m waiting for my telephone consultation on the 25th of the month, I’m hoping it’s a quick process from the telephone call to the tablets being given. I want this over before I’m 7 weeks😖. I’m so scared!

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Box1806 · 16/02/2022 12:26

Hi @mae9075 so sorry you’re in this situation. it’s truly awful.

try not to be scared. (Although I’m right there with you) I think it’s just the fear of everything, or at least it is for me.

have you gone through your local hospital? I know it’s different in every area but i got a call on Monday with a councillor, Tuesday the nurse called and asked me a bunch of questions (more medical than probing) and I’m booked in for Saturday.

Not sure about yourself, I’m feeling every kind of emotion right now. Emotionally I am spent. i feel guilty, upset, heartbroken and incredibly angry at myself for being in this situation.

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mae9075 · 16/02/2022 15:25

@Box1806 my local hospital don’t do anything, it’s through BPAS or MSI. Originally I called BPAS but they couldn’t get me a telephone consultation for 4 weeks!! Luckily MSI got the funding moved over for me to go with them but it still feels a long time to wait for the consultation.

I’m feeling exactly the same as you, I never wanted to be in this position in my life. I never imagined I would to be to honest. I’m scared of having to look after my toddler and baby whilst it’s happening. I don’t even know how I’ll get the first tablet down me, the guilt is eating me alive and it’s not happened yet.
Have you had any information on how the process will be for you?

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Box1806 · 16/02/2022 15:49

@mae9075

I have no words. I’m right there with you though, having a toddler and a baby to look after may be a welcome distraction.

I’m feeling every feeling you are. It’s awful. i feel like as a woman, a mum. I should want this baby but I know I just couldn’t cope and that eats me up.

I’ve been really tearful today. Have you found yourself like this?

Yes I spoke to the nurse and she explained. I was in tears I didn’t all go in, but from what I remember is they will give you a tablet to stop feeding the pregnancy 😔 then 24-48 hours later you’ll take the remaining tablets which will expel the pregnancy. She said the pain could be intense and the blood loss like a heavy period. it’s that what I’m dreading most. I’m petrified I’ll see and feel it pass.

How far along are you?

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Box1806 · 17/02/2022 15:40

@Luckyme30

How are you feeling? Tuesday isn’t so far away.

I’ve had a tough few days just seen so disconnected from life at the moment. I constantly feel sick and tired. I don’t know if I’m depressed, worried, pregnancy symptoms kr all 3. 😔

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Toanewstart23 · 17/02/2022 15:41

Have you spoken with anyone?
Clinics usually require you to speak at length with someone beforehand

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Luckyme30 · 17/02/2022 17:03

@Box1806 I’m not great myself either, totally fed up with the wait if I’m honest :(

I’ll be 8+4 when I speak to them on the phone and I have a complicated Gynae history which worries me I will not get a medical - so trying to explore options for surgical which is daunting and worrying I’m going to get so much further along :(

Try and stay positive lovely, I knOw it’s hard but you are making the right decision for you - Saturday is only a few days away.

Im here if you need to vent x

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Box1806 · 17/02/2022 17:33

@Luckyme30 sorry you’re too feeling shitty. I don’t know if this makes me a Terrible person but in some way I just wanted to feel me again. I want all this to be over.

Tuesday isn’t so long a wait. Maybe they can get you in for the proceadure soon than you think? not many things affect a medical and it’s their preferred choice so I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I’ll keep you updated with everything on Saturday if you like.

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Luckyme30 · 17/02/2022 17:52

@Box1806 I feel the same and feel awful for thinking like this but I have had an awful pregnancy and just want to be back to normal. So completely get how you’re feeling.

Sadly I’ve read so many other threads recently and looks like there is an awful wait for procedures at the moment so I’m not holding out a lot of hope for it to happen anytime soon.

I can’t help but feel it’s incredibly unfair how I’ve had to wait almost 3 weeks and looks like potentially I’ll be waiting another 3-4 to get some treatment.

I tried asking when I called the call centre if there were any cancellations but they said it’s so rare.

I’m half considering just paying for it privately - we can’t really afford it but it’s getting to the point that if I leave it too much longer I’ll not be able to go through with it.

Please do let me know how you get on Saturday, I hope it goes well and you are supported by the staff x

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Box1806 · 17/02/2022 17:59

@Luckyme30 oh love, how horrible for you. I agree it’s such a long wait and a mental torment for the woman.

I actually got “lucky” if you can call it that and got a cancellation, or my appointment would have been in March.

My only advice would be to really weigh up your options give them a call and ask how long you’ll be waiting for treatment and maybe ring a few private clinics and enquire about cost I think it’s around £500 in my area. I do hope you don’t have to wait so long, but sadly I too have heard of the long waits which seems so cruel. 😔

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Luckyme30 · 19/02/2022 14:28

@Box1806 I hope everything is going as well as it can be for you today. Let me know how you get on x

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Box1806 · 19/02/2022 16:53

@Luckyme30

Hi, well I’m still a mess. i got to the clinic and I just broke down I couldn’t do it.

But since being home I know this isn’t what I want. I think about another child and I feel physically sick. I’m 7 weeks. I’ve now wasted my chance and I feel so trapped. Even more so because my partner is happy to keep the baby.

I’m gutted and I feel like my life is over.

How are you feeling?

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Luckyme30 · 19/02/2022 18:07

@Box1806 oh no, I am so sorry! Have you considered some counselling?

I am sure that you are not the only person who has felt like that and not gone through with treatment, it doesn’t mean that you can’t go back (if and when you feel ready to).

Can toh contact the hospital and ask to speak to someone for some counselling/to discuss options.

It’s so hard, I know how you’re feeling.

I feel rubbish as usual and just want this time to fly by :(

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Box1806 · 19/02/2022 20:10

@Luckyme30

I think I’m going to call them tomorrow. i can’t continue like this, I’ll end up suicidal. I just can’t understand it. I wasn’t like this before I was pregnant it seems so extreme.

how far will you be again on your appointment?

I’m 7 weeks as of today and I really feel like it’s becoming too late. 😔

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Luckyme30 · 19/02/2022 20:22

@Box1806 exactly how I felt. I was sure I wanted to be pregnant again (I had a miscarriage in October last year). For the first few weeks of this pregnancy I was ok with it but the last 3 weeks have been hell. I feel the same as you, literally lock myself away as soon as my sons gone to bed and wish all of this away.

I think it is the hormones it can sometimes have that effect on people.

I think If you’re really sure you can’t continue then you do need to call the hospital. What did they say when you left today? I’m sure they are more than used to it. People have doubts a lot of the time.

I’m 8 weeks pregnant now.

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Box1806 · 19/02/2022 20:42

@Luckyme30 I know it’s selfish but I’m glad you’ve felt the same too. sorry. Makes me feel less alone. This sickness feeling really doesn’t help it’s all day every day.

I think I’m going to call them tomorrow or Monday and ask for a further appointment. if I change my mind in the meantime then I’ve lost nothing.

how far along can you be for the medical? I’m just wondering if they’ll post the pills out to you so you don’t have to wait much longer? is the cute off 10 weeks?

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