Medical termination

[Box1806]

hi,

I’m currently around 5/6 weeks pregnant. I’m booked for a medical termination on Saturday.

Bit of background - I have a 22 month old son suspected autistic but amazing and thriving. After having my son and losing my grandad, I developed health anxiety and it’s quite severe. I’d only just started to recognise who I was again when I discovered I was pregnant. Which seemed so cruel because we tried for 5 years for my son and eventually had him via IVF. - emotionally I couldn’t cope with another just now. and I am really worried about another child with care needs. Most of all I’m worried how I’ll cope afterwards, will I regret this? Hate myself? End up depressed? Although I’ve always been pro choice, I never thought I’d have to make this choice and I wish I wanted this pregnancy because I feel like a monster.

Sorry, enough of the Ramplings! I’m just wondering of any others experiences of a medical (I’ll be staying in hospital) or if anyone else I’d going through this and wants to support each other.

If you are going through this I’m sooo sorry. 😔

@niddymoo I thought giving him a sibling would be best but I think I live in a fantasy land There’s no guarantees. He’s happy with me and his dad he’s spoilt and loved having our time.
I just feel it would change then dynamics so much.
I worry though because I am so sick the decision is more definite.
I just want to feel better and this to be over.
I have not slept a proper sleep in 2 weeks. I feel so terribly guilty at the thought of termination but I can’t handle the uncertainty. I l suffer with mental health anxiety and have had post natal depression x

I said something similar to my husband yesterday, I had a very romanticised view of what life would be like with another but for as much as we'd be giving DD with a sibling, we'd be taking away the same amount in terms of life satisfaction and the close bond the 3 of us have.

I just want to wake up tomorrow and it all just be gone away, the idea of having to go through the termination later this week is making me nervous, but it's 100% the right thing for us to do. I just want to be the best mum I can be to the child I've already got.

I so wish it was all over too. I have to wait until Monday feels like an eternity. Even phoned for a cancellation today but nothing 😢

@FloodTheBathroom how are you doing? I've just got home from work and was shocked to find the tablets have arrived already!

@Paintingflowers how are you doing now? I'm shocked that my tablets have arrived already as they would only have been posted yesterday.

Strange question, if you work, how did you go about telling work? I don't want to tell them what I'm doing, and am planning on taking the second lot on Thurs morning and then calling in sick with a tummy bug, which should give me Thurs and Fri off. Does that sound like a plausible plan?

Hey @niddymoo I thought they might have arrived for you, at least you have a bit more control now. I think your plan is really good. I hope you're doing ok too?
I'm ok, I'm having a bit of bleeding which is a bit of a headfuck, compared to my previous pregnancies when I had bleeding and was so upset about it. Argh. Phonecall Tomo morning which I think is one of two consultations? I had thought it was just the one and I may have the pills by Friday but not sure it's going to go that way.

Hi @niddymoo

I do work and I didn’t tell them. The way mine arrived I could do them over the weekend, but I would suggest calling in sick for the day you take the second lot as you said.

There are lots of sickness bugs going around currently anyway, so use that to your advantage.

I was in work the next day - albeit I work from home currently - but was in virtual meetings all day.

Have you taken the first one already?

@FloodTheBathroom funnily enough, I had some bleeding last week. When I was pregnant with DD, I was devastated with a tiny bit of spotting and always thought the worst. This time, I was almost willing it to get worse, which is a horrible thing to say but then I thought the decision would be taken out of my hands 😞

Yes, I had two consultations which I didn't expect, but I guess they have to cover all bases. With any luck you'll be on a similar time scale to me, I had the first consultation last Weds and now have the tablets.

Hope you're doing ok x

Hi @Paintingflowers

Thanks for validating my plan... it's awful having to plan it out so carefully, but I absolutely can't tell them, and it seems the easiest way to get round it.

I think I'm going to take the first one tomorrow morning with the others 24hrs after. DH is working from home Thurs and Fri so at least he'll be around. I'm nervous about the process itself, not that I have a particularly low pain threshold, I guess just because I've never done it before 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DD is acting up something chronic today, I can't decide it's that's helpful or not. When she's in this sort of mood, it definitely cements my decision that I couldn't handle another one as well!

Hi @niddymoo

I didn’t have any pain at all - I just kept drinking and every time I went the loo there was blood/clots but not a lot in the pad etc.

Will someone be looking after DD?

@Paintingflowers she’ll be at school during the day, and then my Mum will pick her up and DH will
be at home.

Good to know you weren’t in too much pain. I do t usually suffer too badly with period pains, etc, so hoping it won’t be much worse than that 🤞🏻

Did you tell anyone about yours? x

Best of luck niddy, here if you want to chat.
My bleeding has got quite heavy and passing some large clots now (sorry for tmi). But I guess I will have to wait and see how long it lasts and what happens. As you say niddy, it's a bit of a relief if it's taken out of my hands.

@FloodTheBathroom ah, I'm sorry. Even if it does take the decision out of your hands, it's not a nice experience. How's it going today? x

@Paintingflowers I took the first tablet this morning, luckily no side effects so far. I almost couldn't take it, had a wobbly conversation with DH who had already gone to work and he reminded me of all the reasons why we had reached this decision.

But now I've taken it, I feel a slight sense of relief, plus some nerves about the next part tomorrow! I just wish it had never happened, I was fine the whole time I didn't think we could have anymore and now that there was maybe that option there, I'm thinking I might be ruining my DD's life. But I also don't think you should have another child for your existing one, there's no guarantees of happiness there.

Best of luck niddy

Just did a test, 5 mins before my appointment and it is negative. I am feeling a bit like I made the whole thing up tbh. But I tested as I knew we had been careless and there were definitely two lines.

You won't be ruining DDs life, she has two lovely parents who give her everything and she doesn't have to share you!

@FloodTheBathroom at least it must have all passed then. And we all know what two lines look like, there's no doubt they were there for you. How do you feel now?

Thanks for the reassurance. Natural maternal guilt and worry coming into play there I think. Ultimately, if she had a sibling, she would want a playmate, and that's not what she would be getting with a baby. I'm already looking at holidays for next year that we wouldn't have been able to do with a baby in tow, and the idea of that is making me excited! x

@niddymoo

I wobbled massively on both sets of tablets - I think that’s normal. I didn’t have any side affects from the first one.

I def found the emotional side worse than the physical but I think that’s to be expected - especially with hormones.

Here if you want to chat x

Really really struggling with severe nausea and can’t believe I have to wait until Monday for first pill. Feel like I’m literally losing my mind with the severity of sickness 😢😢😢

Hope you're ok niddy x
Sorry about the sickness zanda, so awful.

Thank you so much flood. X

Thanks for asking @FloodTheBathroom. I took the tablets at 9:30 this morning, it took about an hour for the pains to start. I spent a couple of hours in agony on the bathroom floor. Threw up a couple of times, thought I was going to pass out but didn’t. I’ve passed a few clots and am bleeding quite heavily now, but have been able to get up and lay in bed, so I feel a little better now. Just getting fairly regular tummy cramps now. Thanks for asking :) x

Sounds like you are through the worst of it, niddy. Well done xx hope you are feeling ok emotionally.
Hang on in there til Monday, zanda xx

Hi @niddymoo bless you sounds like you went through it but least the worst has passed. Thinking of you .
@FloodTheBathroom and niddy I managed to get squeezed into a clinic tomorrow so at 11 am I will be receiving my tablets. Will take one tomorrow others Saturday. So happy.
Do you ladies advise pain relief ? Is so what and when should I take ? X

I am taking my tabs vaginally x

Brilliant that you can go tomorrow now @Zandasstar7. I’m bleeding more heavily now and the pain has lessened, so hopefully that’s the worst bit done. I took codeine half an hour before the tablets. I think it helped until I threw it back up 🤦🏻‍♀️