Medical termination

[Box1806]

hi,

I’m currently around 5/6 weeks pregnant. I’m booked for a medical termination on Saturday.

Bit of background - I have a 22 month old son suspected autistic but amazing and thriving. After having my son and losing my grandad, I developed health anxiety and it’s quite severe. I’d only just started to recognise who I was again when I discovered I was pregnant. Which seemed so cruel because we tried for 5 years for my son and eventually had him via IVF. - emotionally I couldn’t cope with another just now. and I am really worried about another child with care needs. Most of all I’m worried how I’ll cope afterwards, will I regret this? Hate myself? End up depressed? Although I’ve always been pro choice, I never thought I’d have to make this choice and I wish I wanted this pregnancy because I feel like a monster.

Sorry, enough of the Ramplings! I’m just wondering of any others experiences of a medical (I’ll be staying in hospital) or if anyone else I’d going through this and wants to support each other.

If you are going through this I’m sooo sorry. 😔

@Unsureaboutit9 thanks for the tip, I'll give them a call!

After 3 attempts, finally managed to get a call back from MSI this morning and got a consultation booked for Wednesday afternoon!

@Unsureaboutit9 and @Paintingflowers - after you'd had the consultation, how long did it take for the pills to arrive? And the lady I spoke to this morning mentioned that there was eligibility criteria for having them sent to you instead of going to a clinic, I don't suppose you know what the criteria are?

Hi @niddymoo

I had the consultation on Tuesday and they arrived Thursday.

I would imagine being clear on your dates… if there are wider health issues perhaps it might be safer to do at hospital….

That you are safe to do it at home - not being pressured etc.

That you are certain you want the pills…

They asked me about previous births/pregnancies etc

Xx

Ok, that's good to know. I was pleased to get the consultation appt so quickly, I'd read some horror stories of 4 week waits!

I'm hoping it will be relatively simple, I know all the dates, etc. so fingers crossed they will send them out and I get them quickly.

I had a surgical so can’t help there sorry. However I only had a surgical because they told me they do not post out pills anymore, and won’t let you take them home from the clinic (I needed to be able to arrange things around childcare), so if you do get unlucky and get that person, be aware it IS their policy to send pills out if you meet the criteria (I’ve put in a complaint about the incorrect advice as the clinic assured me I was eligible for home pills, and they do let people take it home). In the clinic when I asked they said if there’s no health conditions and you are sure of your dates that’s usually enough for posting them out.

@Box1806 did you manage to come to a decision in the end? Hope you're feeling ok either way x

@niddymoo not really. I know in my heart abortion is the best option. There’s too many “what ifs” and i can’t stop thinking about it. If I could foresee the future and know I’d be ok at the other end I’d have done this a while ago.

it’s just not something I’d ever thought I’d be doing and it simple breaks my heart. But logically thinking should I really be bringing a baby into the world just because I’m scared of regret? What kind of life would we all have. my soul is tormented at the minute and I’m 10+ 2 today which I think it’s really quite late on.

I don’t know what to do and I wish someone could tell me!

Thank you for checking in. X

@niddymoo how are you? Everything turn out ok? X

@Box1806 sorry to hear you're still in dilemma. It is honestly the worst week I think I've ever had, going back and forth constantly. I completely resonate with you when you say it's not something you ever thought you'd be doing and it breaks your heart. I feel like I've been in complete turmoil.

But I thought long and hard about regret, and I think my regret about bringing a baby into the world when we would have to stretch ourselves financially and mentally, and over what I would be taking away from my DD in terms of time, attention and what we can offer her outweighs the regret I know I will feel over termination. I'm just so sad that it's happened now, if it had been 3/4 years ago, it wouldn't even have been a consideration, but with our lives the way they are now, we just couldn't do it.

I'm ok, I think, I just want it to be over because I feel like I can't think straight. It's not helping because I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about it for fear of judgement, because they all know how long we were trying for. I think I've feel better after the consulation on Wednesday, so I'll know what I'm doing.

Hi, I'm in the position of having just filled out the MSI form yesterday and now waiting for them to reply. It looks like I should try to call too? How did it go on weds niddynoo? I hope you are ok. We are just not in a position to have a third child and I'm feeling so stressed about all the waiting.

Hi @FloodTheBathroom, I hope you're ok.

I filled in the form, and then called them based on someone else's advice. Luckily I did as they hadn't received my form!

They have a callback option, and they have called me back within 2 hours every time.

The consultation was fine, the lady I spoke to was absolutely lovely and non-judgemental. She confirmed that I was eligible for telemedical, and booked me an appointment with a nurse for tomorrow morning.

I have felt like a little weight has been lifted since I had the consultation. I feel guilty for doing it, and when I woke up this morning on this beautifully sunny day, I romanticised a version of life where we kept the baby and everything was wonderful. But the practicalities win out and we can't afford this change in our lives, either financially or mentally.

Thanks for your reply niddy, it sounds like it's moving more quickly for you then others I've been reading about. And glad you feel a weight had been lifted, it's hard.
I think I will call them again on Monday. I'm quite clear in my decision, I feel far too old to start again and just getting some freedom back, to start again. I feel quite anxious about symptoms starting and feeling like shit, though. We have a holiday booked at Easter and I realised it'll be "easier" to have any procedure after that which makes the waiting more bearable. It's just all a bit anxiety causing really. Hope it goes well tomorrow x

I was glad I'd called, as once we'd made the decision, I sort of just wanted to get it done ASAP. I'm just over 7 weeks and had a whole day of nausea yesterday, I can't bear having the symptoms as it's adding to the guilt. But hopefully things keep moving pretty quickly now and they'll post the tablets out ASAP.

Sorry about the nausea niddy. I tried to call last night and didn't get through after three hours. I may try again tomorrow morning first thing. DP said there can't be anyone there for it to just ring for 3 hours like that.
Keep us posted, I'm not telling anyone apart from DP and am appreciating the support x

@FloodTheBathroom definitely try the callback option, I've done it 3 times now and have had a callback each time.

It's tough, I've only got my DH to talk to it about to, and as much as he's super supportive, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone else, so having people to chat to on here is great.

I've found today tough for some reason. Knowing that this time next week it will be done probably. On a practical level, there is absolutely no way it can work, but the heart doesn't always get there so fast, does it? I'm a little nervous about the actually termination process itself too 😬

How are you feeling?

@Box1806 how are you doing? X

@niddymoo I’m ok thank you. Still pregnant! and I’m sort of coming round to the idea now. Still petrified of my life changing so soon after my son. But for me I always wanted one more. I keep telling myself that I couldn’t give him a gift greater than this and after 3 years I’ll get my sanity back 🤞🏽

How are you? When it your apt? I’ve got to say the lengthy waiting is sooo difficult. when I was waiting abortion, thoughts just filled my mind constantly. My life was on hold I couldn’t focus on anything. X

Good luck Box x
Niddy can I ask why you called three times? My biggest issue is finding enough time in my days to clear hours to wait for them to pick up ☹️
Im going to try Tomo before work and hope I have some luck

@FloodTheBathroom of course. The first time was when I called to make the appt for the initial consultation. That was last Sat morning when I knew I'd be at home. I called again on Friday lunchtime as they hadn't sent me a link through that I was supposed to read ahead of my appt this morning. They called back within half an hour, but there was someone in my office so I couldn't answer. Then I called them again for the same reason when I got home on Friday afternoon, and they called back around an hour late. They're very discreet and always ask me if it's a suitable time to talk, etc.

@Box1806 good to hear you're ok and have reached a decision.

I'm ok, still keep doubting myself but it's the guilt of wanting another for so long and then realising that we just couldn't do it again. I have to remind myself that it's unfair to bring a child into the world if there's any doubt about it, and it just wouldn't work now, for us, it's been too long.

My DH is worried that I'm going to regret it, even though it's what he wants too. But as I keep telling him, my regret won't be that we had to do this, it will always be that a second one didn't come along when we originally wanted it to.

Hi ladies, my heart goes out to all of you. I am 6 weeks with dc 3 and have completed MSI consultation form on Thursday but keep swaying backwards and forwards it’s driving me insane. This third baby was planned as have 1 ds 16 and one ds 5. The eldest is never really up for spending time with us and has no real bond with his little brother. We believed this baby would be closer in age to our youngest and would hopefully provide more of a relationship for him. Something I have always wanted for my kids.
Issue is I have suffered with severe sickness in my pregnancies and it’s started again. I can’t be a proper mum to my kids as I’m just bed ridden and hate the effect it has.
Also I am panicking as my dp, ds (youngest) and I are like a little trio and do lots of different things each weekend. I’m scared he will feel pushed out. He says he doesn’t want a sibling adamantly.
I just want things to go back to how they were but feel I may seriously regret termination.
I terminated once before due to extreme sickness and a condition called HG when my ds was only 1 and I regret that.
I’m scared and torn. Dp wants to keep baby. He is 32 I am 42. X

Hi, well thanks so much for the info re calling back niddy, I did that while I had the house empty for 30 mins and they called back really quickly. Appointment is weds before work, I feel such relief.

I'm so sorry for those of you with such difficult decisions to make, my heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a way to work things out zanda xx

Did you have your appointment niddy will they post pills?

@FloodTheBathroom yes, had my appointment this morning, all fine and they'll put the pills in the post tomorrow. Hoping they arrive quickly as I'd ideally like to get it done on Thurs (would need to call in sick to work but 🤷🏻‍♀️) so that I don't have to do it next weekend on Mothers Day!

Glad you managed to get through to them. I had my consultation appt on Weds and had the nurse's appt today, so hopefully you'll get to each stage quickly too.

@Zandasstar7 sorry to hear you're in the same
predicament, it is an utterly horrible place to be. You need to do what is right for you, and whatever allows you to be the best mother to your children.

As I've said in previous posts, we've tried for this second baby for 4+ years. But it took until
now for it to happen and to now for us to realise that actually it's not right for us now, for so many reasons.

If you do want to contact them, I would recommend ringing and using the callback option. It seems to be the most efficient form of contact.