I regret my abortion

[Regret2022]

I’m not sure why I’m posting here an what I’m hoping to achieve but here I am anyway.

I had a medial abortion at 8 weeks, I had the first pill last Tuesday the 8th and the four other pills in the Thursday. Now I ak absolutely overwhelmed with regret, sadness and anger. I would do literally anything to go back in time and stop myself from doing it.

I am 32 and have a nearly 3 year old. I had always wanted another one but his dad was dead set against it. After talking about it again last October I finally got my head around not having another. However, it seems a pill mishap over Xmas ended up in pregnancy and I found out at the start of Feb. When I told my partner we spoke about it and he reasoned that abortion was the best idea, for lots of reasons that seemed important at the time. I feel like I kind of just got swept along by the idea and agreed. I focused completely on the fact I was going to have an abortion and didn’t take proper time to consider my options. I just thought if I could get through to the appointment at the clinic 10 days later it would all be fine and I would be ok afterwards. I wish I had read threads like this before I went as I wouldn’t maybe have reconsidered. I think I was ok until I was scanned but by that point I felt too far in to change my mind. I don’t know why. I’m just devastated. I can’t stop crying. I’ve told my partner I regret it, told him how I don’t think we thought it through, just focused on the negatives, but while he is trying to be supportive he doesn’t feel the same. I feel like I’ve ruined my one last hope at every having another baby and I just can’t comprehend how I made that decision when I had always wanted another.

I’ve spent most of the day on bed reading threads on failed abortions and holding out some ridiculous hope that this could be me.

Sorry for the long post, again, not sure what I’m looking for here but don’t know what else to do

I'm so sorry.... ten years together and he's being so uncaring. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. This is your last chance to possibly have a child, so if that is something you want, you have to try to get as much information as possible. Like you said, there may be solutions that were unknown to people at the time. I don't know where you live, but in most countries the father has to pay child support whether he wishes to or not. You should talk to someone at a pregnancy center or other agency where they can let you know what help you qualify for. And don't be shy to call on friends in a time of need. Maybe you know a retired person who might be able to help you out for the first week or two? If you truly want this baby, I hope you can find a way to beat the odds and have your son or daughter - if you are able to carry to term. Don't let your partner have the final say, as your feelings are just as important. Try to be assertive. Things like "You're not listening to me." "You don't have the right to say that to me." "That isn't true." Get a mutual friend to mediate if he won't talk maturely. And whatever happens, I don't think you should stay with this man. Please don't let him push you around, I'll be thinking about you.

Hi there, I know it's been months since you posted this but how are you feeling now? I had an abortion 5 years ago now and it still haunts me sometimes..

Hi, I know that you posted this a long time ago. But I wanted to reply because I went through the same thing, July 2022 and had my abortion August 1st. I always knew I didn’t want it but did because of my partners wishes and what others around me were saying. 5 months on and i still can’t move on. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I have felt and feeling of being a little lost in life. How are you doing now?

Hi I had an abortion 5th jan 2022. Coming up to one year since I had it an I’m devastated I’m a mother of two kids already at the time I wasn’t ready to have another baby as I had one only few months old, if I could turn back that clock I would we could have managed but would have being tough but I’m totally heartbroken and now would love to become pregnant. I pray god blesses us with another child I always wanted more just wasn’t the right time il never forget the day as long as I live I hate myself for it I really wish it didn’t happen hope u are all doing ok x

Hi ladies,

I'm moving ahead but feeling very scared. I still think of having an abortion and imagine how my life will eventually be simpler and easier for me. Yes I would give up being a mother but I would be able to take care of myself.

My heart goes out to you in your grief. I believe there well may come a time in the future, sooner or later or gradually, where what has happened makes sense for you. You made the decision that you thought was right at the time, (under a lot of stress and with what sounds like not a lot of encouragement), and that is the absolute most you can ask of yourself. Don't abandon yourself in your grief, but mother yourself and speak kindly to yourself in your feelings of sadness and pain.

I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing and will have to live with the consequences and signing up for a lot of hardship and difficulty. I think there is no right decision. I hope I'm making one I can live with.

XX

I’m glad I’ve found this thread I’ve always needed to talk to someone and share the guilt I live with. In 2018 I had an abortion I found out I was pregnant while taking the pill. I have 2 boys who at the time would of been 3 and 8 who have different fathers. I’m in a happy long relationship with my youngest’s dad but at the time I’m 2018 we were struggling financially we lived in a small 2 bed house and my eldest has autism and has always struggled sharing a room We spoke about everything.. we had no savings my partner worked full time in a job out the house 5am not home till 7pm I was not driving we had a small car small house no money it seemed so unfair. So we decided to have an abortion I remember crying the whole time but also I remember telling myself constantly you’ve done the right thing. But now 4 years on there isn’t a day the goes by I don’t think about that baby my heart sinks and my stomach in knots our lives have changed we have a 5 bedroom house plenty of space. Family car. Financially comfortable and I am filled with regret as I look at our spare room and think if only I had hope and faith back then that life would get better. I look at my youngest and it pains me as he’s an angel sent from heaven so caring and kind how could I have done that to his full sibling. My eldest has his struggles and I and 24/7 caring for him but they are my world and I just know I’ll never get over it. Sorry this is 4 years of never speaking about it and I needed to let it out.

@Springxx I came across this thread & your post & couldn’t not reply. I can really feel your pain in your post and the guilt you are feeling. But you did what you thought was best for you & your family at the time. We can sometimes look back at these decisions with knowledge with have now i.e. that life has got better for you in terms of space within your home for example. But you didn’t know that at the time. I really hope some of the guilt eases for you. Have you tried talking to a counsellor? X

I had an abortion 2 years ago, almost 3 years on June. I'm still grieving. Every holiday, due date, and special date I find myself numb and thinking about what could have been. I regret it every single day. I thought time would heal it, and it has to a certain point. I'm still with the same partner who agreed to the abortion. I blame him and myself. But, I still constantly feel the same emotions as I did the second I realized it was too late to go back. I didn't know it was going to be this hard. But, I can't heal from the trauma I and my partner caused. I don't know what to do now. I'm open to suggestion to heal myself and learn to fully accept everything.

I'm so sorry you have gone through this and continue to feel these painful emotions. Could you look at some therapy or complementary therapies to soothe you through this for a while? i find hypnotherapy and reflexology very helpful. Maybe this would also help you understand what you want for your future? Is there any way you could consider a child now or in the near future?

I'm not sure if anyone will see this, I’m 21 and I am pregnant..

I have been really struggling with figuring out what I should do.. I haven’t been able to see a GP just yet because I’ve had such horrible judgemental experiences and I am really struggling to find someone I feel comfortable with.. however I work in radiology and had a quick dating scan done a couple days ago and today I am 7weeks and 2 days.. I have an abortion booked next Wednesday and I just don’t know if I can go through with it.. my partner is so supportive of me and just wants me to do what is best for me and my body but I know if this was his choice he’d have the baby in a heart beat.. I’m struggling as I don’t feel like I’ve had the chance to make my own decision on this.. I have my mum who is supportive of any decision but she is definitely leaning towards me not keeping the baby as she is telling me how hard it will be having a child and all the positives of not keeping it but cant give me any positives of keeping it.. my sister has issues with my partner as him and I have had some past issues which we have sorted that she cannot let go of.. she told me she doesn’t support me having a child with him and cried when I mentioned it to her, it’s so difficult because we have been so close and I feel like don’t have her by my side in the time I need it most.. with all my family judgment and worrying that when I have to announce it to the rest of my family that they will all just see me as a big disappointment is so hard.. I feel like I’m going to show up at my appointment on Wednesday and not be able to go through with it, and if I do I’m worried I’ll regret it so badly.. I’m so stuck.. I don’t know what to do.. I have support of my friends but I just crave my family approval so badly.. this has all probably just come out as word vomit but I feel so caved in and I really don’t know what to do..

@Beaaan I couldn’t read your post & not reply. If you don’t feel like you’ve had time to make your own decision please give yourself time even if you need to postpone Wednesday for a few weeks. Don’t look back & feel like you had no voice or a decision as you’ve been trying to keep other people happy. This is YOUR choice & YOUR life please just take time for yourself whether you go ahead with the abortion or not you need to feel in control. Is there someone impartial you can speak to - like at the abortion clinic?

The position you’re in is very difficult and there may be no choice that gives you 100% of what you want or is an easier choice. Both will lead to different futures. Try to think of what would be the better choice for you to live with now, and later on. Can you give yourself more time or talk to another friend who knows you-not to ask them for answers but to listen to you and your concerns and feelings?

It’s definitely ok to cancel the appointment or turn up and change your mind. If you’re not 100% sure then let them know. You won’t be letting anyone down, or doing anything wrong or wasting an appointment or time. Cancellations and changes of mind happen all the time. It’s a free service and you’re under no obligation to consent until you know it’s what you want for you and your future. If you’re unclear you can book again or take a bit more time-that is one thing in your control right now, so don’t give up that choice. It’s yours.

4 days ago I had a medical abortion at 16 weeks and I can't help but feel like I have made the wrong decision. I didn't find out for 9 weeks and spent a long time deciding what was best. My boyfriend and I are 26 & 23 and he convinced me it wouldn't be right. I know it wasnt the right time but i feel like I got wrapped up in all the fear & uncertainty being put in my head..the lack of emotional support from my boyfriend didn't help me make the right decision either. How could he relate??? He could never. He tried pre abortion and still tries post abortion but i don't know...I feel so unsatisfied and angry towards how he will be feeling compared to me. He says "I do get it" when I'm crying and I just think SHUT UP. THE NERVE to say "I get it" when you didn't even want the baby in the first place. UGH. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about being in the room and I just hate the fact I'm not pregnant anymore. The thought of having a child was equally terrifying, it didn't sit right with me at the time. I just wanted my life back before pregnancy. I have felt anything but relief from the situation. My first ever baby. Such a horrific permanent thought. I don't see how I'll ever get over it. PLEASE block out everyone's options and thoughts when you make this life altering decision because whatever what you choose, it cannot be undone and you have to live with it forever.

Desperately searching for some sort of comfort, I came across this thread and I couldn’t relate more :(

I had my abortion 3 days ago and I just can’t cope with the devastation of what I’ve done… I was so ill - constantly sick, constantly nauseous, hot sweats and almighty headaches that took over every aspect of my decision!

I’m ashamed that I didn’t protect my baby, I’m ashamed that I wasn’t strong enough to continue.

I cry the majority of the time - day and night… I can’t sleep. I yearn for my baby with every ounce of my being. What have I done?!

I’m 34, with fertility issues, I never expected or planned to fall pregnant, but I was blessed with this pregnancy and I literally threw it away… doubt I’ll ever get the chance to have another and that is the final kick to the gut.

I never planned to have another child and now it’s all I want in the world.

I know this thread was a while ago and I hope everyone suffering has found a way to heal… I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.

@Mhib09 couldn’t read your post and run. I aborted for different reasons than you, but I was 35 years old and it was nearly 9 months ago now I remember those feelings of sheer regret and sadness in the few days afterwards. Three days after an abortion you have a big hormone crash which make us feel worse. All I can say is that it does get easier, I still have waves of sadness but it doesn’t consume every minute or every thought in my day. Lots of threads on this board with experiences similar to what you’re going through, you’re not alone

Thank you for taking the time to reply, means a lot… it’s been a week and 1 day now and I’ve felt every second.

Really hope it gets easier for me, although I don’t feel I deserve it; I’ll never forget my baby, I’ll never forget what I did… I’ll never forgive myself 💔

Really hope ur ok, I had an abortion jan 2022 and everyday I regret it. I never thought the grieve would get easier but it is don’t get me wrong I think about my baby every single day an know I done the wrong thing but I try not to dwell I’ve two kids that need me I don’t think we will ever get over the abortions but we need to try live with it as hard as it is I really hope I get blessed to have another child again an I hope your all doing ok big hugs so grateful for this safe space x

I have a 2 year old and a 3 almost 4 year old. I fell pregnant with what would have been out third baby when my second was 4-5 months old. I was already 6 weeks or so when I found out. At first I knew I had to have an abortion, but deep down I didn't want it, I just knew I couldn't have another baby as we were already finding it hard to cope with 2 under 2's and our relationship was rocky at the time. My partner wanted us to keep it initially, but he later changed his mind and when he told me he'd changed his mind I felt upset, I guess I was hoping he would continue trying to convince me to keep it.. we went for the scan, I got to keep a photo and the surgical abortion was booked for the following day, as a slot had just become available. I was 11 weeks and 2 days. We drove home after the scan and I told my partner I wasn't going to go through with it, I was crying, I felt terrible, in that moment I was adamant I wasn't going to do it but I had to be rational, I had to think about my other two and the fact that our relationship was so bad at the time, I couldn't bring another baby into the world when I was contemplating single mum life and worrying about our home! I felt that I had to be strong so I went to the clinic the following day, they gave me a tablet and sat in the waiting room, waiting for the bleeding to start and to be called in to theatre for the abortion. I was teary eyed the whole time and my partner said to me 'you know, if you decided to keep it I would still be there for you and our kids no matter what'.. in a way I'm glad he said this because to me, he was confirming that we wouldn't be together and our baby would have been born into a broken home.
I went into surgery and came out not long after, feeling EMPTY. I was heartbroken and I just burst into tears and instantly regretted it. I called my partner, who was waiting outside and told him it was done. He asked if I was ok, I said 'well... I'll see you soon'. As soon as I felt well enough to get dressed and leave I told them and I was out within 15 mins and all I could think about was that I was driving away from my baby that I had just aborted...
weeks and months passed and I felt fine, i recovered mentally and physically very quickly, I felt mostly happy and knew I made the right decision. But for the past 2 weeks I have not been able to stop thinking about it, I have realised I'm not over it, I still cry about it whenever I think of it and I can't shake the guilt feeling. I look at my two toddlers and cry thinking there should be another one, who would be turning 1 on November 30th. I don't feel comfortable telling my partner about it because he's over it and I know he won't understand. I wish I didn't do it. I'm not against abortion at all, but it's hard, it's VERY hard 💔

I’m so glad I come across this I needed this I’m 31 a mum to a 9 year old and a 13 month old in the space between my 2 I had 8 misscarriages and wanted nothing more than to be pregnant I was over the moon when fertility treatment worked and I finally got my rainbow .. yesterday I had a surgical abortion me and my hubby thought it was for the best wanted to give my 13 month all the time in the world after all we had waited so long for her not even 24hours had passed and I’m full of regret I can’t sop Iv done nothing but cry

Thank you for sharing when I shared mine I genuinely felt all alone and in a bad place, it’s nearly two years since my surgical abortion and it breaks my heart I think about it everyday an lately I’m feeling it a lot but honest it does get a little easier I look at my my baby and I know I made the right decision to not go through because I waited so long to have him and my gap was 11 years I wanted to really enjoy him and we’re struggling money wise at the time , but I’d love another one maybe next year or the following I do feel like it won’t happen again as i struggled to have a second, but we never know and times a healer. I just pray we all find peace with our decision because we can’t change it unfortunately but if I could I wouldn’t have done it.

I had my at-home abortion last night. It was gruesome and terrifying and I regretted it immediately. I came on here looking for other women who had been through the same in hopes of finding some comfort myself. I have been crying nonstop and I don't see an end to this sadness anytime soon.

Of everything I would ever do in my life, the one thing I promised myself was that no matter what I would never have an abortion. I'm not on either side of the debate, everyone has their own shizz going on but personally, I feel like a hypocrite. And now that I've actually experienced the pain, the blood and the crippling regret, I would not wish this on anyone and tell all those women to use a Johnny or keep your legs closed because this is fucking horrible.

I don't think the circumstances matter, to be honest. Whatever I'm going through now would likely have resolved itself in 8 months. My partner and I were just scared because everything seemed to go wrong all at once. He lost his job, mine barely covers the rent and bills. And where we live is an absolute s*hole. Having an abortion doesn't change any of those things right now. I know for a fact by next June we will be settled in a new place with him in a decent-paying job and I'll be kicking myself even harder for this stupid mistake I made. I knew that I wouldn't feel great afterwards, I wasn't delusional, im more than old enough to know better. But the overwhelming regret that washed over me when I felt the pain was like nothing I've ever felt in my life. No one tells you this, they say oh here's a number for a councillor but they don't tell you how hard it's really going to hit you. Maybe I'm just too soft.

Anyway I'm done being all doom and gloom. I'm just in the middle of it all and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel just now. I'm glad there is a place where I can see that I'm not alone. I'm sorry to all you women who have gone through the same and I wish you all the best in recovering and learning to make peace with this.

I'm so sorry Elaylah, it broke my heart to read your honest words. I think that you are in the company of millions of women who were scared and full of anxiety when surprised with the shock of an unplanned pregnancy, and decided to act quickly with a heart full of fear. I am sorry for what you have been through and admire you for being so brave to write about how the abortion has affected you, your words might speak to someone who is in the same situation. I hope you will be gentle with yourself, and know that your decision made sense at the time. I'll be thinking about you, and I hope your partner will be very supportive of your time of grieving. Hope your situation does improve and you can rid yourself of some of the stress.

Hey,

I realise how sombre and shit my last post was and I apologise for my crudeness but in the moment my mind wasn't in the best place. It's been over a month now and I got my first period since the abortion in late October but besides that nothing has really felt normal since. I find myself still thoroughly wracked with guilt and crying regularly. I'll be in bed or working and then suddenly burst into tears thinking about the baby I won't be holding in my arms next July. My partner and I both agree it was a huge mistake as life seemed to sort itself out not even a few days afterwards, we both wanted our baby and I don't think we will ever be the same again. He want us to try for another so we can make up for our mistake and get it right but I'm just not there.
Sleepless nights and a long about of depression have ensued with no signs of stopping and I'm terrified of dreaming.

I don't care what pro-abortionists or feminists will tell you, even though I felt it was right at the time I in no way felt empowered, like I was exercising a choice or like I would fight for the right to do it again. It was, is and forever will be the most horrible thing I have ever done. A small ball of cells or a fully formed infant, that was my baby and I ended its life because I was too stupid to see the wood from the trees.

I stand by what I said and plead to all women to please not put themselves in a position they aren't equipped to handle. Parents, please tell your sons and daughters to use a condom or wait until they are ready to risk getting pregnant and save the most horrid experience imaginable. I wouldn't wish the pain and subsequent agony on anyone not even my worst enemy.