Abortion pills at home - what to expect?

[LazyMareofEastown]

Hi all. Just seeking some advice and reassurance.

Am 41 and found out today that I'm pregnant (6 weeks). Another child is not an option for multiple practical reasons (including but not limited to the fact that DP and I each have two DC from previous relationships plus we don't live together and I have a tiny house).

I have phoned bpas to self-refer for a medical termination and will be contacted within 48 hours to do the initial assessment.

I know this is the right decision for me, my DP and for all of our existing DC but it's still really knocked the wind out of my sails and I'm finding myself really tearful.

Any words of wisdom on what to expect?

Have just got over a nasty case of covid and really don't want to have to take any more time off work for this.

Feel like I'm having an out of body experience. So surreal.

Not sure how to reassure you. If you go through with it, it will be what it is. You sound very certain it's what you think you should do, so that's easier.

I'd only say this is probably your last child so be very sure about it. Think a bit ahead and try to work out how you may feel.

Hi OP.

I had two medical abortions, ten years apart, and both different. Please ask for some proper pain management - on my second visit they gave me some very strong painkillers and I did not feel anything other than mild cramping.

Its VERY messy, be prepared to camp out on the loo and pass some massive clots.

The good news is the worst of it is over and done in a few hours. I really recommend DH takes full care of the DC as you really do just need to lay and rest and let it all pass.

I experienced some cramping for a about a week and some spotting.

Massive hugs - when you know its right for you, it is.

Thanks both. I will definitely ask for pain relief Buttery.

I finally spoke to bpas again yesterday and my tel medical assessment is booked for tomorrow afternoon which means that realistically, nothing will be happening until well into next week. I'm struggling with this as now that I have made the decision I just want to get things over and done with.

Have been really struggling with conflicting emotions over the last few days. Have also been sleeping dreadfully and am a bit of a wreck. I've also started to question all sorts of things about my relationship and my life - it's like this event has started me off down all sorts of psychological rabbit holes (I have GAD so am used to it).

Have a night at a fancy restaurant + hotel booked for this Sat (was booked months ago) and now feel guilty for even considering going and trying to have a nice time.

I TOTALLY would go and have a nice time. You need to be kind to yourself, do things that are lovely (and to speak bluntly - remind yourself of the wonderful things you do because you dont have young children!).

Have they talked you through the process?

They haven't talked me through it yet but I have read the website thoroughly and watched the video so I know how it works. I declined their offer of counselling at this point but am aware you can contact them after the procedure for post-terminatiin counselling if you feel you need it.

Am going to go on our break. You're absolutely right Buttery with what you say about the upsides of our lives as they are now. We are lucky to have lots of child-free weekends to head off and visit lovely cities and fab restaurants. I don't want to go from that to being stuck at home again (no family support - didn't have a single night out till DC1 was 4!).

There are many other more serious reasons (age, money, housing, career) but I feel that this is still a valid concern.

@LazyMareofEastown

They haven't talked me through it yet but I have read the website thoroughly and watched the video so I know how it works. I declined their offer of counselling at this point but am aware you can contact them after the procedure for post-terminatiin counselling if you feel you need it.

Am going to go on our break. You're absolutely right Buttery with what you say about the upsides of our lives as they are now. We are lucky to have lots of child-free weekends to head off and visit lovely cities and fab restaurants. I don't want to go from that to being stuck at home again (no family support - didn't have a single night out till DC1 was 4!).

There are many other more serious reasons (age, money, housing, career) but I feel that this is still a valid concern.

It can be for whatever reason you want, however 'frivolous'. Your body, your choice.

Hoping everything goes well for you, and enjoy your weekend!

@LazyMareofEastown

Thanks both. I will definitely ask for pain relief Buttery.

I finally spoke to bpas again yesterday and my tel medical assessment is booked for tomorrow afternoon which means that realistically, nothing will be happening until well into next week. I'm struggling with this as now that I have made the decision I just want to get things over and done with.

Have been really struggling with conflicting emotions over the last few days. Have also been sleeping dreadfully and am a bit of a wreck. I've also started to question all sorts of things about my relationship and my life - it's like this event has started me off down all sorts of psychological rabbit holes (I have GAD so am used to it).

Have a night at a fancy restaurant + hotel booked for this Sat (was booked months ago) and now feel guilty for even considering going and trying to have a nice time.

Hey, I'm currently in the same situation- how did you appointment go today?

I don't have mine until next week and I really want to do the pill by post option rather than visiting the clinic. Did they give you the option?

Hope you are ok - I think ultimately we all know what is best for ourselves no one else can tell you what do to if they aren't in your shoes ❤️

Thanks LBear and I'm sorry that you're in the same situation 💐.

I had my phone assessment and it was absolutely fine. The midwife who called was really lovely. She briefly asked my reason for wanting to end the pregnancy then went through my medical history (I'd already submitted online before the call). She used date of my lmp and my cycle info to establish how far on I am. Based on being less than 10 weeks and the fact that I have no medical conditions or relevant history I am ok to have the pills at home without needing a scan first. She talked me through how it would all work and explained risks etc. Asked about any previous pregnancies and births.

She then went through the consent etc. The cal took about 35 mins in total - I imagine it would be longer for someone with a more complex medical history.

Pills will be sent out by tracked post within 1-3 working days.

I feel better for being a bit further along the path than I was this morning. I also told a close friend at work who turns out has also been through similar. Had a good cathartic chat and a wee blub with her.

Going to go on our weekend away tomorrow and try and enjoy myself as best I can.

LBear let me know if there's anything else I can tell you that might be helpful. Big hugs xx

I took the mifepristone this morning. Will take the others tomorrow at lunchtime (don't have my DC tomorrow evening so optimum time for it to happen).

Spent all day yesterday crying. Not because I want to continue the pregnancy, I know I'm doing the right thing, but because I wish things were different and I didn't have to make this choice.

Just want it over and done with now.

Sending you lots of love and virtual support! Please keep us posted on how it's goes - I still have 2 days before my phone appointment just wish time would hurry!

I know exactly how you feel, the stress and tears is nothing to do with the decision I'm making or guilt it's purely that I don't want to be in this situation in the first place!

Really hope everything goes OK! 💗 xxx

I just thought I'd add my experience if it helps, I read these threads almost obsessively while waiting for my treatment and was completely overwhelmed with it all.

First off I was much further along (10+6) and I went through the medical process this morning. It began at 8am and at 8.30 the waters went and by 9 everything had passed. I've never been through this experience before but I have given birth so I think it helps as your body is more used to it.

I feel like I'm just having a normal period now. I hope it goes smoothly for you but wanted to add a positive story because the wait is the hardest part.

@squishymarshmellow

I just thought I'd add my experience if it helps, I read these threads almost obsessively while waiting for my treatment and was completely overwhelmed with it all.

First off I was much further along (10+6) and I went through the medical process this morning. It began at 8am and at 8.30 the waters went and by 9 everything had passed. I've never been through this experience before but I have given birth so I think it helps as your body is more used to it.

I feel like I'm just having a normal period now. I hope it goes smoothly for you but wanted to add a positive story because the wait is the hardest part.

This is so nice to read, you see so many horror stories - I know people won't intentionally try to scare you but it does really set your mind into overdrive!

Hope you are OK and feeling as good as you can be in the circumstances! 💗 xxx

@LBear04 thank you so much ❤️

If you have any questions I am happy to answer them but of course this is just based on my experience.

I hope you have a similar one but, I'd say from speaking to nurses who run this service, the things you read online do not reflect how simple and safe this process is for the great majority of women who sadly find themselves in it.

Best of luck, you'll be absolutely fine x

I inserted the first lot of misoprostol at lunchtime. Am now starting to feel quite noticeable twinges/period cramps. Am due to insert the final two tablets in about half an hour.

Have taken codeine and am just waiting now. DP is here making me cups of tea, keeping my hot water bottle topped up and stroking my head as required. I got really upset again earlier but am all cried out now and just want it to be over.

DP has an appt booked at end of January for a vasectomy. Can't believe how quickly they could offer him an appointment.

I've finally had my call with BPAS today and honestly I feel a weight has been lifted. I honestly thought I'd never find myself in a situation like this and I'm quite surprised at how positive I feel.

I will hopefully get my pills through the post quickly so I can get going.

Ladies - is there anything you recommend buying beforehand other than the obvious heavy duty pads and hot water bottle?

Xxx

@LazyMareofEastown

I inserted the first lot of misoprostol at lunchtime. Am now starting to feel quite noticeable twinges/period cramps. Am due to insert the final two tablets in about half an hour.

Have taken codeine and am just waiting now. DP is here making me cups of tea, keeping my hot water bottle topped up and stroking my head as required. I got really upset again earlier but am all cried out now and just want it to be over.

DP has an appt booked at end of January for a vasectomy. Can't believe how quickly they could offer him an appointment.

How are you feeling today? Hope everything is going smoothly for you 💗 xx

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting and I’m not even entirely sure what I want to say/know.

I found out I was pregnant 3rd Jan and the sickness has been unbearable! I rang BPAS on the 4th and was booked in for a consultation on the 18th! Really sympathise with those of you saying how hard you found it waiting around. It’s been completely debilitating.

Luckily I was able to pick up my termination pills the following day. I took the first pill around 3pm yesterday and had to go to bed about an hour later as I had chills and a raging headache. Was ok after this. This morning I have been more sick than usual, which is a lot. Read so many horror stories about these second lot of pills so I’m very nervous about taking them but equally will do absolutely anything to stop the nausea at this point.

Cannot control my emotions! Am crying so much and just feel so isolated and alone. Even though I do have a good support system around me and my partner is trying his best but I just feel so lonely and sick and in pain.

Sorry for the rant but I’m just at such a loss on what to do and how to feel and so worried about what lies ahead this evening following the remainder of my procedure.

Hi all.

I've just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Will be self referring for a termination tomorrow.

I'm in Scotland so does anyone know if they'll send me the tablets to do it myself?

I had a suspicion I was pregnant again and me and dh have agreed not to continue with the pregnancy for many reasons.

Thanks.

@GrandTheftWalrus

Hi all.

I've just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Will be self referring for a termination tomorrow.

I'm in Scotland so does anyone know if they'll send me the tablets to do it myself?

I had a suspicion I was pregnant again and me and dh have agreed not to continue with the pregnancy for many reasons.

Thanks.

Most seem to be providing at home Abortions since covid - depending on your telephone consultation will depend on whether you are eligible to have the pills by post option or if you need to attend clinic for a scan prior!

I'm in the North East so not too sure on the rules in Scotland but I just googled my area and Abortion services and BPAS was my provider.

Hope this helps xx

It mentions BPAS when I googled but there was also a number to phone that is local to me so I shall try that one first.

How do they decide if you can get the pills at home? I imagine everywheres questions would be the same?

Thanks x

I just called the general line but either would be fine and no different.

It's more to do with any risks such as risk of ectopic pregnancy etc. or if there is any doubt with your dates they may get you in for a scan - it's purely for your safety and well-being.

Xx

Never had a risk of that to my knowledge. And I know the exact date of my lmp.

I am 37 and overweight though so wondering if that'll stop it. However I'm the same weight as I was when I miscarried and had a successful pregnancy last year.

Thank you for replying to me. This is totally new territory for me. I was told in 2010 I wasn't ovulating due to my weight and couldn't have kids. I actually weighed the same as I do now. And I've now been pregnant 4 times. Different partner though from 2010.

@BetterDaysAreComing12

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting and I’m not even entirely sure what I want to say/know.

I found out I was pregnant 3rd Jan and the sickness has been unbearable! I rang BPAS on the 4th and was booked in for a consultation on the 18th! Really sympathise with those of you saying how hard you found it waiting around. It’s been completely debilitating.

Luckily I was able to pick up my termination pills the following day. I took the first pill around 3pm yesterday and had to go to bed about an hour later as I had chills and a raging headache. Was ok after this. This morning I have been more sick than usual, which is a lot. Read so many horror stories about these second lot of pills so I’m very nervous about taking them but equally will do absolutely anything to stop the nausea at this point.

Cannot control my emotions! Am crying so much and just feel so isolated and alone. Even though I do have a good support system around me and my partner is trying his best but I just feel so lonely and sick and in pain.

Sorry for the rant but I’m just at such a loss on what to do and how to feel and so worried about what lies ahead this evening following the remainder of my procedure.

Hope it's over now.

@GrandTheftWalrus I had to fill in a medical form before my consultation and then they talk you through your answers and ask about prior pregnancies, safety concerns (e.g are you being forced to do this). So yeah I think what a PP has said is correct, if you’re sure on your last menstrual date and there isn’t anything in your medical history that suggests at home pills won’t be suitable, i think most people are posted them. I did ask to collect btw which was quicker than waiting for the post just so you know.