medical abortion 9w... Pls help

[Tangerinedreamx]

Hi,
I am looking for a bit of support, advice and others experiences I guess. Tomorrow I go to have a medical abortion (I'll be 9 + 2) I know this is the right decision for my family right now but I'm having such a hard time dealing with and accepting it. I'm so scared of the experience itself, especially being so far along. I basically have a few days to go ahead with this or it will be a surgical abortion which I don't think I'll be able to go through with.
My partner had said he would support me either way but I know that he does not want me to go through with this pregnancy and I don't want it tearing us apart- I am not strong enough to do it on my own and I wouldn't want to. I had some counselling yesterday about the situation and the lady I spoke to advised me that as I do feel something for this pregnancy I will probably experience a period of grieving which is completely normal.
In the begining I was excited about being pregnant, it felt I was in this perfect little dream bubble, which has popped and the reality of the situation is something very different.
My head's such a mess, but I've run out of time and this is the best thing to do in my situation. If anyone could share their honest experiences I think this would really help me, as I don't have any support or anyone to talk to.
Thank you for reading

I had a surgical abortion 22 years ago. It was in London. It's not that long ago but the before and after care was pretty much non existent, compared to today.

I knew it was right for me. After brief discussions the Dr booked me in privately (the days when GP's were fund holded).

I went in, had a GA, came round, they jabbed me in the arm which later turned out to be the Depo Contraceptive. Then they just sent me home.

I'm 43 now and haven't had children. My decision was the right one, I am more disappointed at how 'coldly' I was treated.

@BayandBlonde. the aftercare of abortion is still non existent. Which is sad. There is a big gap in this area - this is why Stillwaters exist but i don’t know of any other organisation that does what they do.

Abortion providers are easy to source but the aftercare not so much.

@Tangerinedreamx. I think that seems like a sensible plan.xx

Thank you for everyone's advice especially regarding financial help that's out there.

I went to my appointment to collect the medication today and I burst into tears when I went into see the nurse. For that reason the doctor wouldn't sign the prescriptions for me to have the medication. So I have a few more thinking days to try and get my head together.
I was actually pleasantly surprised at how kind and supportive the staff were. Not in fact pushing me for an abortion so they can cash out on it as had been suggested on here (not that I believed that anyway).

And thank you to all of you who have shared your experiences about your own situations and the implications its had on your mental health. Must be hard to talk about so I really appreciate it. Lots of love to each and every one of you

You’re me 13 years ago and 17 years ago both times bfs didn’t want a child (turns out neither wanted a child with me but hey ho), I regret those 2 because I wasn’t in control, I didn’t make the decision they were made for me.
I’m a single parent. DS now 25, DD now 12. My DD was conceived on purpose 8 months after my termination and it’s been hard, Gina and emotionally but us 3 are happy, we do ok.
Please do what is right for you.

Financially and emotionally… no idea who Gina is!!

Hi @Tangerinedreamx,

I’m glad to hear the provider is being responsible & caring.

How you feeling this afternoon?xx

Hello @Tangerinedreamx
I am glad you have had the benefit of more time for your decision.
I was in a very similar position to you 5 years ago. 3 or 4 months into a new relationship after thinking I'd been careful.

My partner said he would support whatever was my decision but I felt it was a big pressure to put on a new relationship and didn't know how I would cope financially or emotionally if it didn't work out.
I made the decision to have a termination.
It was the hardest thing ever. Afterwards I felt relief initially. But I thought about my potential baby every day for a few months and sometimes it made me quite tearful. But eventually those thoughts became less and I have no regrets.

I am still with the same partner - we are married now. But never discuss the termination . I hope you will find peace with whichever choice you take

To add I found the first appointment at the clinic really hard . But the second day when I collected the second tablet the staff were very kind and caring. I also used the phone helpline which I found helpful. And I found useful chats/forums online after the experience to help me process it and find comfort in others stories who had been through the same thing

Thankyou @Noseylittlemoo. I managed to have a good night sleep and I am feeling a lot better today. The nurse I spoke to yesterday adviced a surgical abortion would be a better option for me because of the stage I am at. Initially I thought there is no way I could go through with the surgical option but after speaking to the nurse I think this is a better option for me. I am very sad but I do know this is the right decision for me ultimately. Thanks for everyone's advice and support.

Hi - poor you, it is such a horrible situation to be in. Sending hugs.
I had a termination a few months ago. Like you, I embraced the pregnancy at first, and even had an early scan. But at 8/9 weeks it became really obvious the situation wasn't going to work.
I had an appointment to get the tablets, I would have been about 9 and a half weeks. I also panicked and decided to book a surgical for 10.1 instead. It was the best way for me, I had sedation and don't remember anything, it was surprisingly easy and the recovery was so quick. More importantly, it also gave me a few more days to decide, talk it through with people etc.
I have definitely struggled emotionally since, but I knew I would. I regret the whole situation, especially leaving it that bit later. But I would probably be sitting here feeling terrible about rushing the decision if I'd done it earlier.
Whatever you do, it's clear that you aren't taking this decision lightly and I hope you can find the right path for you x

@Belinda61 hi thanks you so much for you message. You've almost described my situation exactly as I too had an early scan at 6 weeks. It's like the little bubble pops isn't it and you realise the dreams over. I am too late now for the tablets (only had a couple of days) but the nurse advised surgical for me anyway due to how far along I was and needed to have more time to think it through. I feel exactly the same, I know I'm going to struggle to cope with the decision afterwards for a while but I dont really see another way. It's gutting. But I wish I'd done it sooner and not let it get this far. I hope you're okay, sending you lots of love

@Tangerinedreamx. Hope you are ok today.

Please go easy on yourself. The counsellor who I spoke with at Stillwaters said I had probably struggled post termination as I had cared about the pregnancy. Even though it had been incredibly overwhelming.

I think it sounds like you are similar. This isn’t a decision you have made lightly. You don’t always have to agree with a choice but realise it is what suits right now.xx

Thankyou @ED81 the nurse I spoke to when I had pre counselling said I would probably go through a period of grief because I feel something towards the pregnancy. I am doing okay, I do keep having little outbursts of sadness. It's just a crappy situation to be in. I hope you're doing okay too xx

It is definitely a crappy situation to be in.
I really feel for you.
Take it day by day.xx

Hi all,
Just wanted to update everyone as I've been a bit off grid lately feeling low and anxious. So today I went through with a surgical abortion, I do understand the strong feelings abortion can raise but please I don't want any haters. It was hard enough arriving at the clinic to find protesters outside when I felt so vulnerable.
It's been a hard decision because I do want a family but the reality was it just wasn't a viable option for me right now and although I'm sad about it I know I have made the right choice. I know I'm going to have a rough ride emotionally but have set up some counselling which I hope will help. What I will say is all throughout my treatment I have been treated compassionately, with respect and dignity and given lots of support.

If you feel you have made the right choice for you then thats that. It doesn't matter now what anybody else thinks. You can move on now and don't dwell on it.

Oh honey - if you have any doubt in your mind you absolutely must not go through with this. It's something too many of us don't ever get over - if you have a doubt (which I gather you are given you're here asking!) then please don't do it. I am passionate about mental health of women and I speak from experience x

So sorry - I didn't read e end of the post just the beginning. So sorry for being clumsy x

@Sudokuzebra thank you so much I will bare that in mind if I need to talk before my first counseling session.

Yes my BF is being supportive, although I don't think some men (some, not all) understand as they don't have the same attachments and have to go through it themselves. He is doing a good job of looking after me though