In turmoil

[Jockerty]

I’m booked in for a surgical termination next week. I’ll be about 8 weeks.
I already have children and I’m in a nice(albeit new) relationship with someone. He is adamant he doesn’t want this baby as the timing is all wrong for him. He wants us to start a family in the next couple of years. I’ll be 43 by then which concerns me.
My main reason for this is I had a one nighter with someone after we briefly ended things. Stupid stupid thing to do. I was upset and very drunk. The other man pulled out(I know it’s not foolproof) but I’m worried this baby could be his. I was having regular sex with my partner and he never pulled out. I was taking contraception at the time too.
What a total mess. I’m just going to have to go through with the abortion aren’t I? I’m so sad about it as I very much want to have this baby.
Any advice would be lovely

@Jockerty been thinking about you. Sorry things are still so unsettled.
From what you've said, I think the baby will be in your life far longer than your partner.
It sounds like you really want this baby and it's your body and your decision.

After much deliberation I’ve pretty much decided not to continue with the pregnancy. I’m gutted but feel it’s probably the right decision. Partner is still adamant he isn’t ready and in all honesty, I don’t think I’m able to do this on my own.
Waiting for a call back from the clinic now to book in. I want to have the procedure done with a general anaesthetic so I don’t feel anything and am unaware of whats going on.

As long as you aren't going to be regretful if it doesn't happen when you're older (I think you said you'll be 43 in 2 years?) then great. Probably is the right decision.
And good luck for the future

Thanks. I’m not all that bothered about having anymore DC as I already have them. I’ve warned him it’s less likely to be successful in the future and he’s ok with that

@Horehound

It'll ruin his life yet wanted kids in a few years? Yeh right. He's full of bullshit. He never wanted kids but did want to string you along... See?

Not such a great guy

Personally I'd leave him and have your lovely baby. Good luck

Your partner is awful to put you in this position. I would be rethinking this relationship Hope it all works out for you and you enjoy your baby

It does t make sense, yet it does. It’s awful that I’m having to do this. But who knows what will happen in the future

I hope you make a decision based on ‘personal choice’ rather than ‘having to do this’ OP. You really seem to want the baby so please don’t make a rash decision based on someone else’s selfish demands. Take care.

You’re doing the right thing OP.
Every child should be wanted by both parents.

Feeling very sad tonight. The resentment for my DP has really crept in and I’m starting to pick fault with him whereas until very recently, I adored him.
He mentions all the time asking if I’ve booked an apt yet. Closest one I’ve got for a consultation is nearly 2 weeks away and he’s ‘panicking’ now as that’s ages away. Honestly, I’m just ‘enjoying’ being pregnant for the little time I have left and few myself rolling my eyes at him when he brings it up.

The odds are actually higher that it is the other mans baby. I’m not an expert, but I read a great book years ago called ‘sperm wars’ where it explained about this exact scenario, and it is highly likely that the other man ‘deposited’ a lot more of an army inside you for this exact reason, to win the war.

The fact is though, that you won’t actually know for sure until the baby is born and a dna test is done.

Does it change things, who the father is?

I hope you make a decision for yourself, because you might not love your partner anymore in a years time.

Good luck with your decision and all then very best with it.

@3luckystars a bit, yes. As I’m not even in contact with the other man

@Jockerty

Feeling very sad tonight. The resentment for my DP has really crept in and I’m starting to pick fault with him whereas until very recently, I adored him. He mentions all the time asking if I’ve booked an apt yet. Closest one I’ve got for a consultation is nearly 2 weeks away and he’s ‘panicking’ now as that’s ages away. Honestly, I’m just ‘enjoying’ being pregnant for the little time I have left and few myself rolling my eyes at him when he brings it up.

You will resent him even more if you terminate. Please keep your baby if you want to

@Antwerpen but what if it’s the other mans baby? Also I’ve had a few drinks and cigarettes(so hard to stop!) so feeling very guilty about that too. I need a hug and a cry

Forget who’s baby this may or may not be….it is YOUR baby and you should do what you want to do. It is so important that this choice is yours and yours alone because once it’s done it can’t even be undone, and all this wishing in the world won’t change it or turn back time.

It’s important you give real hard and honest thought to how you will feel in each possible scenario. For example in two weeks time are you going to expect to feel relieved, or do you think you will feel sad and upset and regretful? Can you cope with how you may feel about yourself afterwards? At the same token months from now if you have the baby (and let’s just imagine for the sake of it that your doing it alone) how will you feel? How will you cope, will you have the support of friends and family? Whether your relationship sticks or not does your partner work, because if he does he has to financially help support his child whether he likes it or not. I’m not saying this to lay on a guilt trip, I’m saying this so that you give real thought (not influenced by your partner) to what you really truly want.

I also absolutely hate men who say that a child will ruin their lives….he is not 15 for goodness sake, and pregnancy is a very well known possible side effect of sex. What on Earth does he think will be so much different in 2 years compared to now? I would bet nothing so much at all, so it’s shocking how he can so easily be asking you to make a completely life altering decision now for the sake of 2 years, 24 months, and let’s face it if you continue with this pregnancy you’d be almost half way through that 2 year time span!!!

Think carefully and think about you and what you want, if there is any one time you should put yourself, your thoughts and your feelings first it’s NOW!

I wish you all the best whatever decision you come to

Don’t worry about the cigarettes, what’s done is done. Many people don’t realise they are pregnant for months, and some don’t realise at all.

Is there anyone in real life you can talk to about this?
Good luck and go with your gut instinct.

It’s your baby OP that’s all that matters. Look after yourself.

@Lillygolightly you e hit the nail on the head. I’ve said everything you’ve written. I don’t want to be a mum in 2 years. I’ll be OLD!! He’s younger than me.
My worry is that it might not be his though.

Honestly now it just seems so obvious you want to keep your baby.
Why are you letting this man dictate? Why are you prioritising him?
Put yourself first
your needs and wants matter!
X

I’m all honesty, finances are a big decider for me doing this on my own. I have nothing baby-related anymore so would be starting from scratch

I'd use sites likes Facebook market place or eBay

So many baby things only get used briefly then put to charity or wherever that it's usually good quality.

If you're in Scotland you'd get the baby box.
I'd send you clothes!

You’re so kind. I’m not in Scotland, sadly. Marketplace and eBay would be my go-to though

@Jockerty (((hugs))). Do you have support IRL? Family/friends?

@Jockerty I agree with previous posters who have said you sound like you really want this baby.

Please, please don't abort because of what your partner is saying to you. What do you really, really want? You may regret an abortion.