Termination trigger- head or heart?

[Mummyto3GBG]

Found out I’m pregnant not planned....already have 3 children....youngest is 10months. They are all csection babies. I was advised at my last section by consultant not to get pregnant again due to complications last time and also further complications that can arise for me the more section you have...she was very clear that some of these complications are life threatening...desperately trying to find the right thing to do....Spoke to a consultant who highlighted the risks but said so long as I don’t have them I should be fine 🤔 which doesn’t really help me, she also said a termination isn’t without risks either....would love another baby (but wouldn’t of said this soon) and also petrified that I’ll leave my current children without a mum if I continue. Not sure I could live with myself either way 😫

My personal opinion is you can't risk your current children not having a mother. They need you.

It's an awful awful situation to be in though, I am sorry

It would be a head decision for me, and I would terminate.

Personally I would put my existing children over a foetus

I meant to say the risk of getting these additional complications is low but obviously increase the more csections you have and should you have one it could be life threatening. I’m an anxious person and worry I’ll get one though 😩

I wouldn't terminate but it doesn't really matter what I would do. You have to make the decision for yourself.

The risk of you dying from either choice is minuscule unless you have other significant risk factors.

There are lots of factors to consider and it’s a very difficult situation to find yourself in but worrying about death is extreme. What does your partner think? Consider having some counselling to allow some more balanced decision making, you sound as if you are panicking.

In your situation, I definitely would not continue with the pregnancy.

I've read your other thread in this, in which your consultant seemed more positive, and didn't think you were too high risk to continue.

If you want the baby, and the consultant has said it is ok (which they did) then there is no reason you shouldn't have this baby.

I think your anxiety over this is perhaps making the risks seem worse than they are.

Sections, even repeat ones are very very safe. The risks from repeat sections can mean more blood loss, longer hospital stay etc, but those are all risks that the hospital both look out for and can easily manage. I don't think there is much difference in the death rate, which is tiny. Worst case scenario is likely to be needing a hysterectomy, rather than death, which obviously isn't ideal, but in the circumstances might not matter that much (given that this would likely be your last baby).

Incidentally, women having planned c sections have the lowest mortality rate of birth methods. It's a very safe procedure.

Given you've been given the go ahead from your consultant, there is no reason why head and heart can't be in harmony here.

Spoke to a consultant who highlighted the risks but said so long as I don’t have them I should be fine

Well, yes.... bit like saying if you don't get hit by a truck (low risk) you will be OK, but if you do...Not the most helpful medical opinion, really.

I would terminate in your shoes, OP. It sounds more far more risky to go ahead than terminate ASAP. You were advised not to get pregnant again due to complications during your last C.section. That is personal to you, and was only 10 months ago. In addition, you also have to consider the general risk of multiple sections. In other words, having several C sections is theoretically risky anyway, and you already encountered a significant risk at your last one. You may not be lucky again.

@Thespottytortoise thank you the consultant was more reassuring (she knew I’d prefer to carry on if it was safe) and I came out feeling positive but then I googled everything again and convinced myself I’ll die and leave them with no mum. My partner is leaving the decision to me but says that I come first and is also concerned of the risks after the last section. I’m feel like I can’t do right for doing wrong 😖

Ok, re reading, planned sections are much safer than emergency sections, but still riskier than straightforward vaginal births. Death is still very rare though.

I had a termination this year for medical reasons. The children I already have come before anything else and I wasn't willing to risk my life.
As it was, the abortion didn't go well and I ended up being rushed to hospital a couple of weeks later due to retained products of conception. I had to be resuscitated twice, had 3 blood transfusions and emergency surgery.
If I had to do it all over again, I would still have the termination.

The consultant may be aware that you'd like to continue the pregnancy, but would still be honest about whether it's safe to. They aren't going to risk your life by telling you it's manageable if it's not, and can you imagine the litigation risk. As a professional, they'll give you their professional opinion, not what you'd want to hear. And they always will err on the side of caution.

If they though there was a realistic likelihood of you dying during this pregnancy/section, they would definitely tell you.

@TheSoapyFrog 😳 can I ask which termination you went for? I’m petrified of both options now 👀

I would step away from mumsnet and speak to a couple more doctors before deciding.

In your situation I'd go with head.
Tough position to be in.

Yeah I’m finding it hard to make a proper decision...one minute I think I’ll be fine to carry on the next I think I’ll die....now I’m worried about both options 😔

Lots of people have multiple sections, they have to make you aware of things that can go wrong and nothing is without risks, like the termination too, but if you want to go ahead I would go for it. If you don't want to then don't.

If your consultant says the risks are low and you actually want another baby then I don't think a termination is the right course of action? I'm actually booked in for a termination next week for different reasons but in your shoes I don't think I would do it. It sounds like your anxiety is skewing your ability to be objective.

A very tough decision but I would lean on medical advice here and get off google!

A straightforward vaginal birth carries a risk of death if there are rare complications, OP. It's entirely up to you, obviously. Maybe flip a coin and see if you're excited or disappointed by the outcome? I get the feeling you're looking for people to validate what you've decided to do, but either option would be entirely understandable.

I haven't voted because it's such a personal decision, please don't go by whichever the majority is, I'm sure you'll choose what 's best for you

Google will just lead you down a rabbit hole of fear! Ask to speak with your consultant again or perhaps try and get a second opinion.

@Cocomarine

It would be a head decision for me, and I would terminate.

So would I. Don't amplify the very small risks associated with termination; doctors have to advise you of any risk, even when having an ingrowing toenail removed. You will be fine, better than if you risk having another baby.

I am sorry for how you feel but time will take care of that.

Listen to your consultant, not Dr Google.

OP. Only you can make this decision, but as others have suggested, I would make this on the basis of what your consultant says rather than Dr. Google.

And remember that while your consultant can tell you the relative levels of risk for the various options, only you can decide what you personally think is an acceptable level of risk for you to run - everyone is different. Some people are very risk averse and will undergo severe psychological stress if they put themselves into what they perceive to be a risky situation; others are much more laid back about risk. Do what is best for you and your family.