Anyone else about to start a medical termination? Looking for some support 😥

[Smurfsrock]

Found out on Mon that I'm pregnant with no 5. Totally unplanned, contraceptive failure, although we were not being as careful as we should have been I'm not 100% on LMP but think I'm 6-7 weeks. We have always talked about the possibility of having no 5 possibly, which is why DH hasn't had a vasectomy yet, but now it fills me with dread so I've got an appointment to talk to the nurse tomorrow.

I just can't face having another child right now, partly because we're just getting back on track after no 4 (such a full on kid!), I can't face going back to baby stage again, and I feel it's unfair on my other kids as I've spent most of their lives pregnant or with another baby already. And my body is already wrecked by 4 pregnancies. But I just feel terrible. I know i could love another baby, i love having little kids in my home and wanted a big family. And so humiliated I've let this happen . It's such an awful feeling after 4 very much wanted pregnancies which took a lot of effort to create! And my biggest fear is that karma will come back to bite me in some terrible way

Anyway, is there anyone else about to go through this too? I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone IRL I just want it all over now, the waiting is awful and I have horrific morning sickness (for the first time ever!)

@Namechangenew I have a telephone appointment on Monday. Hope you're as ok as you can be and it's over soon for you. I wonder if there's a lot of this happening at the moment with people more reluctant or less able to access emergency contraception and non-urgent appointments in general.

Can someone offer some advice? I took first four of the vaginal tablets at 11.45am. Nothing but a bit of cramping and spotting. At 3pm I took the next too and I am still not bleeding??

@Namechangenew any bleeding yet? I was told to take all mine at once and in my mouth so a bit different. I was also told they'd give me a couple more if I didnt start bleeding (which happens occasionally). Sorry to hear that's happened, must be incredibly stressful 💓 I had to sign a form saying I consented to surgical termination if medical failed too as the second tablets cause abnormalities apparently, although nobody else in this board seems to have been told that.

@borntohula well done for taking the first step 💓 I felt so much better after the consultation so hope you do too. It sucks not being able to talk to anyone irl about it. This board has definitely helped me so much, being able to talk to other people who have been there and understand. Hope you get your appointment soon 🤞

And I feel so much better today, don't think I had realised quite what a drain the pregnancy and anxiety had taken on me, but I actually woke up with some energy and feeling positive today, and can think about something other than it for the first time in 2 weeks too

Thanks for your reply! Yes I finally started bleeding two hours after the second lot of medication! It’s eased up a little now and the cramping has stopped. Hopefully I can try and rest tonight!! Thanks for helping me through this! Xx

How are you today @Namechangenew ?

@smurfsrock I bleed quite heavily all night. It’s seemed to have eased now. I feel tired but only as I haven’t really slept. I too feel back to my self and know I made the right decision! Thank you for helping me through this!!

Hello all,

I’ve just had my first tablet today. Was following this post to see what to expect but thought I’d post for a handhold and to support too!
I received everything via the post and it says take the first tablet then wait 1-2 days to insert the vaginal pessaries and then two more pessaries four hours after the first.

I wasn’t expecting any symptoms from the first tablet but have a really bad stomach upset and already have a hot water bottle so really scared how I’m going to cope tomorrow

@Smurfsrock Your words could have been mine - I'm feeling exactly as you did before you took the tablet. (I'm looking at it now)
I've gone over and over this and know it's the right decision, but I'm terrified I'll feel differently afterwards.
Those who already have kiddies in the house - what times did you take your medication? I can't bear the thought of having them near when I'm going through it - would taking them in the evening work do you think?

God I wish I had a magic wand 😔

hi all, sorry a little late to the table, I have just taken my 1st tablet last night, I am just 8 weeks and its taken me 3 weeks to come to the decision. I am 40 and have two already older. I felt I couldn't go through it all again and so I choose the treatment, however I cant stop crying, feel some relief mainly because I actually made the decision but so scared I made the wrong choice, I want to move on but the guilt is eating me up and I haven't even got to the second stage yet. Any advice?

Hi @Bedlington5.
I nearly stopped at the first pill and felt I couldn’t complete the process. Not going to lie, I totally fell apart for about a week and it felt as though I was never going to be able to move on.
But looking back on it now a month down the line it’s definitely become easier. I do think about it often, but I know it was the right decision and I’m starting to make my peace with it.
I wrote down all of the reasons why I made the decision on notes on my phone, so I look at them when I have a wobble and it helps.
Thinking of you, it’s a horrible time x

@Eastbourne83 thank you for your reply. I feel OK but have moments of upset, plus with the sickness and tiredness from crying so much. I am quite relieved I came to the decision and its done but the upset of it all is so overwhelming and I really hope I don't regret it. I hope I can get through the process and move on. This is so difficult

I'm in a similar position, deciding on whether to take the tablet. I feel drained and worried I'll regret it either way. I could have another baby, I have one child already, and this time last year I wouldn't have wished for anything else, but deep down I don't know if I want to. I can't work out if it's 'normal' pregnancy nerves or if I really don't want another child. I feel like I won't be certain in the decision which makes it feel impossible to make.

@jeff1965 I have just taken my 2nd set of meds for treatment and I am crying, feel dreadful and sad. I do feel a slight relief, I really couldn't face having another child with such a big gap between my first 2.

How many weeks are you? I took my time to decide and I changed hourly for a couple of weeks. If you can take your time, be kind to yourself and think about what you really want.

@Bedlington5 thank you for the reply. Bless you, it sounds like you're making the right decision for you and your family.

The measurements on the scan varied but between 7 - 8 weeks. I just want to be sure of my decision but I don't think I ever will be. I'm going to phone for the tablets to be posted and see how I feel from there, I think it's likely I will take them but perhaps always feel a sense of regret and what if. I'm up and down like a yo yo with the decision, just wish I had a crystal ball!

@jeff1965 its such a difficult decision there is no right or wrong, I had to make the decision on how I felt now.
Thinking of you and good luck, be kind to yourself and truthful to how you feel. The what ifs is awful and really tormenting. You say last year its what you would have wished for. What has changed for you?

@Bedlington5 Yes it is a mess! It's just what I thought I wanted and had done for years but the time was never right, then the time was right and I started to go off the idea (possibly due to time passing and enjoying feeling more settled), then this happened and I've been in that split mind since. There's no real issue, e.g finances are workable although a baby would have an impact, it's more do I actually want this. It's been many years since I've been at the baby stage and I don't know if in my mind I want to go back or have the responsibility of another child, even if my heart sometimes wants it.

What makes me feel more conflicted is a couple of friends are pregnant. I wish I could feel sure in my decision like them, and if I do take the tablets I feel their children will be a constant reminder which is a bit ridiculous!

How are you feeling? I hope you're not too uncomfortable. Can I ask how many weeks you are if you don't mind me asking?

@jeff1965 I was at 8 weeks I found out at 5 weeks so it took me that time and I was back and forth. I felt the very same way to yourself, I could have gone ahead but my 2 children are in high school and ending primary next year. I loved the idea of a new baby but the starting over feeling made me feel really sad and it was like I was talking myself into carrying on. It totally messed with my mind.
I have a close friend and Sister in law just about to have another and i was so upset that I didn't think I could see them, but at the moment I'm feeling calm about it and ok as I really know my family is complete. Im still upset about this has happened to me and that I had to make a choice, im trying to think of the positives going forward and what i want to do, its all very sad 😥
Treatment wise I feel crappy! Pain is like a very sore period but I know it will pass and I'm tucked up in bed watching g netflix.

I hope you can get some peace in whatever you choose, whatever you decide you will be ok, everything works out, I'm here to chat anytime x

@Bedlington5 I've ordered the tablets from BPAS and they should be here over the coming days. It's strange as I don't feel that complete family feeling (I only have 1) but at the same time I don't want to start over. When I had my first, in not ideal circumstances, I was very relaxed without a worry in the world and felt I could take on anything, whereas now the years have passed although things are more secure I'm a lot more cautious and don't like taking risks, which is I think where a lot of my apprehension comes from. Not helped by COVID and the potential risk to our jobs over the next year or so, which would cause difficulty with another child.

Thanks you and likewise, although not sure how much help I can offer at the moment I hope you're feeling more comfortable soon and we can both put this behind us.

@jeff1965 how are you? I'm in that same boat now, I've got just one DC too who is almost 2. Thought we were one and done so this is a shock I've spoken to Marie stopes and booked for a scan next week but probably would choose medical over surgical, just can't do either until at least 10 days. No idea what to do, feel already like I'm being a shit mum to my DC as I can't think of anything else, googling myself mad, and feel horrendously sick.

@bornninthe80s bless you. I know the feeling. I went ahead with the medical termination a couple of weeks ago. Still wasn't 100% sure and flicked between if I should or shouldn't, and to be honest I still feel the same and wonder if I did the right thing as I think I just built myself up to go ahead with the tablets. I feel like I can cope most of the time but occasionally I feel a surge of guilt and pain, which to me feels similar to grief. The only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself whatever you decide to do. Are you unsure or worried about the procedure? xx

Ah thanks for the reply ❤️ sorry to hear about the low moments, am glad you made a decision - I think once I do that I'll try hard to make peace with it. I've no idea what to do. We are about to move to a village where we know nobody and was looking forward to getting out and about with my amazing toddler. I've also got some contract work in a new role and new industry coming up, so timing isn't great, and I'll be just 41 on due date so a bit past it for this!

I feel like I wish I could be happy to carry on, but my head is coming up with so many reasons not to. I'm exhausted and feel so sick and have no energy for my LO I'm just over 5 weeks.

If I terminate that's definitely drawing a line under it which I'm fine with. Like I've seen others say, I almost wish a miscarriage - I wondered whether that was a sign, but it's probably more that the decision is made for me!

@bornninthe80s I felt the same about hoping for a miscarriage so the decision was made for me which I know isn't right but we can't help how we feel. We actually decided to try late last year and I ended up having a fairly early miscarriage and for me that was much easier to deal with. When that happened I said I'd reassess late this year and decide how I felt, but over the next few months I started to sway towards not wanting another, have a health issue that reoccurred which I want to try and resolve, and then felt stressed with changes from Covid and a possible redundancy and then the surprise pregnancy occurred and I just felt so conflicted. My initial reaction to the positive test was absolute panic. In one way I'd love another but I feel like I need to try and sort myself out a bit first and see how my job pans out. I spoke with DP and although totally my decision and he would support me either way, his personal thoughts were not to continue which I think is what swayed me to make the decision I did. I am trying to draw a line under it but some evenings it seems to just swallow me up. You still have time to think, although for me it didn't help as I knew I'd never be sure either way. For some reason I felt I had to do it and also felt under pressure to make a decision. I know how you feel though, I wish I could have been happy to continue but I was 50/50. Have you been offered counselling? I had an appointment arranged but the call kept cutting off and I decided not to pursue it further as I don't think it would have helped me in my decision but for others it could be different.

Thank you @jeff1965 ❤️ I'm sorry you have been through what sounds like a pretty traumatic time of things. Hope you are feeling okay now?

I've been feeling more like 'yes I could do it' then, as luck would have it... found out today it's twins. Unfortunately I feel like that's the decision made for me, but in a worse way because ultimately it's still my decision. I just don't see how we (mainly me) will handle this emotionally and financially, and practically. I've driven myself mad googling risks with twins etc. Feel absolutely deflated x

I'm feeling a bit more 'normal' at the moment. Still think about it every day but the pain hasn't been there as much. Not sure if I'm suppressing it and I'll crumble soon but can only take each day and week at a time.

Bless you, what a shock. Have you spoken to your DP about how you're feeling? Have you been referred for by counselling? I wish I could offer more advice but I don't have any after the difficulty I went through in making a decision and still not knowing if I did the right thing.