Hi everyone
I wanted to post in here as I have told my close friends the situation and they have obviously supported my choice and agreed with me but I feel like they’re doing this just to be friends.
I have been off the injection for over a year and a half and was giving myself a break as I’ve swapped and changed contraception for 7 years. I had got to the point of thinking I was infertile after no scares. Then I suddenly missed my period. Two tests confirmed pregnancy. I have only been with my partner 7 months, we have just moved in together and I am an NQT who is not far off completing my nqt year. I always said in this situation I would abort. When this actually happens it’s completely different. My other half has a 2 year old with his ex, they split up during her pregnancy. Because of having her around and being like a step mom and seeing my other half with her, it made me warm to a family.
I am still young (23) and I still have so much more I want to do with my life; I still love to party and do what I like, and my and my other half still wants to travel and do lots of things as a couple. However I am so torn between the idea of a family with this man and still living my life. I am telling myself that a family can come in the future.
We decided to terminate pregnancy due to us not being 100% on it and wanting to do stuff together. However I can’t lie, it’s all got a bit too much for me to handle. My mom is dead against it- I knew she would be, begged me not to do it and live my life first. She had her first child young so I can understand.
I have taken the first stage of abortion pill tonight however I can’t shake the feeling of guilt and overwhelming emotion I am feeling. To make it worse my partner has had the little one over the weekend and it has killed me. Seeing him with her and things has really taken its toll on me. The one feeling I can’t shake is that he chose to keep the baby with a woman he said he couldn’t see a future with, and yet with me he was swaying towards a termination. I have cried and cried over this and told him, he understands but then gets mad that I’m comparing our situation to his past. I just can’t shake this feeling - if he really loves me and says he wants kids with me in the future then why does he not want to keep it?
I just keep picturing this moment of his ex telling him she’s pregnant and the celebration and excitement, then there’s the shock and emotionless reaction I received.
I can’t shake it out my head and if I’m honest it’s breaking me in two. I’m sat crying in the toilet right now as I feel so alone and everytime I raise the issue he hates that I’m bringing up his past.
I don’t know if anyone on hear will have some kind words or advice, please tell me what you think. I just need someone to turn to