Having an Abortion but feel unsure and so down

[HereToLetOffBurdens]

Hi everyone

I wanted to post in here as I have told my close friends the situation and they have obviously supported my choice and agreed with me but I feel like they’re doing this just to be friends.

I have been off the injection for over a year and a half and was giving myself a break as I’ve swapped and changed contraception for 7 years. I had got to the point of thinking I was infertile after no scares. Then I suddenly missed my period. Two tests confirmed pregnancy. I have only been with my partner 7 months, we have just moved in together and I am an NQT who is not far off completing my nqt year. I always said in this situation I would abort. When this actually happens it’s completely different. My other half has a 2 year old with his ex, they split up during her pregnancy. Because of having her around and being like a step mom and seeing my other half with her, it made me warm to a family.

I am still young (23) and I still have so much more I want to do with my life; I still love to party and do what I like, and my and my other half still wants to travel and do lots of things as a couple. However I am so torn between the idea of a family with this man and still living my life. I am telling myself that a family can come in the future.

We decided to terminate pregnancy due to us not being 100% on it and wanting to do stuff together. However I can’t lie, it’s all got a bit too much for me to handle. My mom is dead against it- I knew she would be, begged me not to do it and live my life first. She had her first child young so I can understand.

I have taken the first stage of abortion pill tonight however I can’t shake the feeling of guilt and overwhelming emotion I am feeling. To make it worse my partner has had the little one over the weekend and it has killed me. Seeing him with her and things has really taken its toll on me. The one feeling I can’t shake is that he chose to keep the baby with a woman he said he couldn’t see a future with, and yet with me he was swaying towards a termination. I have cried and cried over this and told him, he understands but then gets mad that I’m comparing our situation to his past. I just can’t shake this feeling - if he really loves me and says he wants kids with me in the future then why does he not want to keep it?

I just keep picturing this moment of his ex telling him she’s pregnant and the celebration and excitement, then there’s the shock and emotionless reaction I received.

I can’t shake it out my head and if I’m honest it’s breaking me in two. I’m sat crying in the toilet right now as I feel so alone and everytime I raise the issue he hates that I’m bringing up his past.

I don’t know if anyone on hear will have some kind words or advice, please tell me what you think. I just need someone to turn to

I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're going through this. Can you phone someone IRL who can support you?

You should report your post and ask for this to be moved to the Pregnancy Choices topic, I wouldn’t want you to be upset by AIBU responses.

Sending hugs. Sounds like a really difficult situation and you made your decision together but that doesn’t mean another opportunity won’t come along in a few years time. Try your best not to compare .. when I found out about being pregnant with my first I was in a similar position to you and I cried and cried for days and didn’t tell anyone as was so shocked and I assumed it meant my life was over forever as that’s what everyone I knew says about having a baby so early into a career. Be kind to yourself and let yourself Be sad as that’s normal and ok

How do I do tjat? Sorry I’m new to this

Do you know what you want? Do you want to have the baby or is it more to do with seeing your partner with his child.
I had an abortion about 4 years ago and while I was taking the pills I regretted it so much. But actually it was entirely the right decision for me and my family and I dont regret it now. Not even when I see my children playing together and imagine them with a little brother or sister.
No one can make this decision for you but it's not an easy one. Xx

I’ve done it for you, you just click on the 3 dots.
you’ve posted in ‘am I being unreasonable’, and I think you may be better in pregnancy choices.

We're just moving this over to pregnancy choices.
OP.

I don’t I’m so 50/50! It would be my first child so I think that hurts more as I haven’t already got a little one to cherish, plus the fact I see all my friends and people my age having children these days. I don’t know

Your partner may be more on the side of an abortion because he's seen how much work is involved in raising a child and it's not just theoretical for him this time. It may also be testament to his security in his relationship with you: he feels there's lots of time for you two to start a family together and right now is your chance to just be the two of you.

You made this decision for a reason. It's obviously the right decision for you right now.

You shouldn't be alone though. Tell your partner that you're sad and struggling and you need his support - no need to bring up the past. This is tough for you right now and he needs to be there with you.

He wants a life with you. He wants to share his dream of travelling & for you both to be ready by the sounds of it. I've got 3 kids, had my first aged 33. However, my first pregnancy was much younger. I don't regret my decision one bit as it was by my head, not my heart, which is how life changing decisions should be made. And I'm sorry if this sounds callous but the truth of it is, it's far easier to regret having an abortion that regret having a baby.

@GarlicMonkey @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking Thankyou for your reponses. Garlic monkey I agree- partner just broke the lock on the door purely so he could come in the bathroom and comfort me as he could hear me crying. I guess I also wanted that comforting as I’ve felt so alone during this, like it meant nothing to him. I completely agree with the regret thing- you’re absouletly right. I suppose when o think about it all being well I can go back and have a baby another time, you can’t go back and get rid of one.

Oh it’s such an awful, difficult decision. I hope you’re ok. Have you taken the second stage yet? There are no answers to this, I just think you have to be sure that you did what you felt was right for you at this particular moment in time....

I’ve picked up the bag of medication today and quite honestly I don’t know how I’ll go through with it, but deep down I know it’s the right thing to do for myself and family.

Really hope you’re ok

How are you doing OP? I hope you're okay.

Weren’t you offered counselling if not maybe it would be a good idea to get some now.

Personally I think you made the right decision as you say you’re young you’ve got a lot of opportunity ahead of you in terms of living your life establishing yourself in work getting yourself into a better position financially. You and your OH haven’t been together very long either it should still be the honeymoon period for you.

However saying that even if this is something you absolutely know you wanted and was absolutely the right thing sometimes people still struggle with it and as such the best thing you can do is try to work through your feelings and look at your contraceptive options to make sure you’re not put in this position again.