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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Should I keep this baby?

46 replies

user1491207026 · 10/04/2020 13:28

I had been dating this guy for about 2/3 months before I found out that I'm pregnant. After I told him, he said that he would support me no matter what and that everything would be fine. I believed him. Fast forward a few weeks and he bailed on me- told me that he couldn't see us working out and that he thought it would be best for me to have an abortion. I booked the abortion and unfortunately he was unwell that day so we weren't able to go.

We ended up going for a 12 week scan instead and after that he told me that he wanted to make things work between us. We ended up back together- he said he didn't want to get rid of the baby anymore and that he wanted to make it work between us. He convinced me to keep this baby and I started to get excited about the future. He said that he was going to tell his family, that he wanted to move in and that although it was a bit soon, he thought we would work it out. We talked about baby names and decorating a nursery. But then yesterday, he turned around and said to me that he doesn't feel that spark with me anymore and he doesn't know what he wants to do. Then he said that he didn't think it would be fair to bring this baby (due September) into a broken family. I have absolutely no idea what to do now..

A bit about my background - I have a fairly decent job and so does he- so I could support myself financially and have got a lot of family close by. But obviously this is not how I pictured my life at 31- single and pregnant. He is older than me 37. These questions are running through my head- what if this is my only chance to have a baby? Would I regret having an abortion? Could I even go through with an abortion anymore?Especially going into a clinic at the moment. After discussing baby names and picturing a nursery i don't know if I can get rid of it now. I am almost 17 weeks and my family have no idea. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks,
Suzzie

OP posts:

Nimsay1 · 10/04/2020 17:20

Walk away from the 37 year old man-baby, he doesn't know what he wants and will never be a source of stability and happiness.

No ones lives turn out how they expect but you will love that baby more than you even knew possible. Even if it's not always easy, it will always be worth it.

LittleBoyJuly2020 · 10/04/2020 17:22

You wouldn't likely get an abortion for at least 3 weeks time. You'd be 20 weeks, that will be pretty traumatising for you to say the least. They're not tiny at that gestation and they are fully formed.
You don't sound like you want an abortion, and I think it'll be far more damaging for you to abort than continue at this point.

sqirrelfriends · 10/04/2020 17:25

He sounds like an idiot, you would never be able to rely on this man.

Imo it would be best to ditch him, keep the baby.

SuzzieB · 10/04/2020 19:29

Thanks for the replies. The more I think about it, the more I think that the abortion would be too traumatising. I think I’m going to probably end up having to do this alone. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to tell my family that I am having a child on my own.

Dontsay · 10/04/2020 19:49

Keep your child!
If the guy if any sort of man he will stick around.
Plus you don’t need a gay to stay around
Tell your family and baby is a blessing no matter what x

SuzzieB · 10/04/2020 20:37

Thanks Dontsay, I just worry how my family would react when I tell them I’m pregnant and that the dad is out of the picture.

squee123 · 11/04/2020 08:59

if you really wanted an abortion you would have gone for the one you had booked despite him being ill - you would have found a way. And you never would have gone to the 12 week scan as you wouldn't have been treating this as an ongoing pregnancy. As you say, deep down you want the baby.

An abortion at this stage is not simple and could be quite traumatic. It would be one thing if that was what you wanted, but potentiallt deeply traumatic if you deep down want the baby. You're not waving a magic wand to make it go away. Perhaps discuss with a medical professional what the procedure would involve and see what your gut tells you then?

There's no guarantee any man will hang around, even if he is a longterm committed partner, so make the decision that is right for you alone.

Your family might be shocked, but if they are generally supportive in life I'm sure that once the shock has worn off their primary concern will be supporting you.

jdw1991 · 11/04/2020 09:14

Hi lovely. The answer to me seems quite simple. He's an ass and you deserve far better. You. However, have the chance to have something wonderful. I know it's easy for me to say. But I think this baby could be the best thing to happen to you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
😘💜

CassidyStone · 11/04/2020 09:22

Keep the baby.
Dump the bloke.
No brainer.

Jadegkeaney · 11/04/2020 09:43

Keep your baby and bin this idiot immature "man". He should be ashamed of himself..what a drip!! You can support yourself so you dont need him or the stress! If he wants to be in your kids life great..make sure he pays to help support your baby. You will more then likely regret having a abortion. It seems to be based on your relationship with this idiot. Life doesnt always work out how you want it to but everything will be fine. You will meet the right person one day and will be happy.

SuzzieB · 11/04/2020 10:53

Thanks guys, that makes me feel a lot better. I think I’m going to ditch this guy. I do sort of feel I should give him a chance as the baby’s father- but I think he has shown himself to be unreliable. I think I probably will end up telling my parents. I kind of hope this guy might turn it around, but I’m not sure.

TeddyBeans · 11/04/2020 10:59

A baby that's surrounded by love isn't from a broken home. You are enough OP! I struggled with this a lot when my ex left when my DS was 15 months old but DS knows nothing but love. He's 2 next weekend and is thriving ❤️ you got this

SuzzieB · 11/04/2020 12:31

Thanks TeddyBeans. That makes me feel better about trying to go it alone.

Lovelife321 · 11/04/2020 20:46

Im so sorry to hear what you're going through. Personally, I think ditch this guy who is clearly messing you around and keep the baby. It sounds like they would support you and you would be happy.

SuzzieB · 11/04/2020 21:29

Thanks Lovelife321, I do think I will have to end up doing this alone. I just need the courage to tell my family about it.

Bluebecca127 · 12/04/2020 09:28

Keep the baby!

hesgotit · 12/04/2020 09:50

OP you'll be fine, tell your family and start getting support! You then won't feel the need to rely on mr unreliable.

Do it today, it'll help you plan.

Original poster

user1491207026 · 13/04/2020 14:41

Did it- told the family. Feel so much better. Thanks hesgotit! x

OP posts:

hesgotit · 13/04/2020 15:08

@user1491207026 that's proper cheered me up on day 10 of self isolation!

Good for you, look forward to your baby and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Do keep us updated if you feel you can, would love to know if it's a boy or girl and name etc.

Caaarrrl · 14/04/2020 10:10

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I didn't say it earlier because you hadn't really decided what was happening. How did your family react?

ponchek · 17/04/2020 07:59

The baby will be the most wonderful thing in your life and the guy will be dealt with somehow.

You will be fine doing it alone and anyhow you won't be alone because you will have the baby! When you haven't had one yet, it's hard to imagine how much it will mean to have that little person with you. Actually you'll never be alone again 🙂

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