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Pregnancy choices

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Original poster

Should I keep this baby?

46 replies

user1491207026 · 10/04/2020 13:28

I had been dating this guy for about 2/3 months before I found out that I'm pregnant. After I told him, he said that he would support me no matter what and that everything would be fine. I believed him. Fast forward a few weeks and he bailed on me- told me that he couldn't see us working out and that he thought it would be best for me to have an abortion. I booked the abortion and unfortunately he was unwell that day so we weren't able to go.

We ended up going for a 12 week scan instead and after that he told me that he wanted to make things work between us. We ended up back together- he said he didn't want to get rid of the baby anymore and that he wanted to make it work between us. He convinced me to keep this baby and I started to get excited about the future. He said that he was going to tell his family, that he wanted to move in and that although it was a bit soon, he thought we would work it out. We talked about baby names and decorating a nursery. But then yesterday, he turned around and said to me that he doesn't feel that spark with me anymore and he doesn't know what he wants to do. Then he said that he didn't think it would be fair to bring this baby (due September) into a broken family. I have absolutely no idea what to do now..

A bit about my background - I have a fairly decent job and so does he- so I could support myself financially and have got a lot of family close by. But obviously this is not how I pictured my life at 31- single and pregnant. He is older than me 37. These questions are running through my head- what if this is my only chance to have a baby? Would I regret having an abortion? Could I even go through with an abortion anymore?Especially going into a clinic at the moment. After discussing baby names and picturing a nursery i don't know if I can get rid of it now. I am almost 17 weeks and my family have no idea. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks,
Suzzie

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 10/04/2020 13:31

It's a bit late for an abortion if not for medical reasons. Keep the baby, ditch the guy.

PepePig · 10/04/2020 13:36

Why are all your decisions based on this guy?

Didn't get abortion because he was ill Hmm
Kept baby because he said so
Now considering abortion because of what he's said

You need to make your own decisions? It's a baby. Not some toy you can pick up and drop when this shit guy says so. Give me strength.

Emerald89 · 10/04/2020 13:38

I think there’s two separate decisions here.

  1. The baby
  2. The guy

You don’t have to have both or neither.

It is getting a bit late for you to have an abortion anyway. Although it is still legal you may struggle to find a doctor who will agree to do it but if that is what you want you must decide soon.

DonutMuffin · 10/04/2020 13:38

He's seems confused about what he wants, probably not doing it on purpose but it's not fair to you. You need to decide what you would want if he wasn't in the picture. From a practical point you have family support and a decent job. Everything is being romanticised talking about a nursery and family but if he's not 100% in then think about how it would work with just you and the baby. Get some impartial advice and come to a decision yourself as either way you'll have to go through the procedure or possibly raise this child yourself. Good luck

LoveLongLife · 10/04/2020 14:07

Definitely keep your baby. When you had that little life in your arms, the man won't matter. Though I suspect he will vacillate back again.

Aly92 · 10/04/2020 14:21

Girl your 31 not 15 what’s the confusion all about. The guy is a immature knob full stop who ain’t going to grow up if he hasn’t at that point. You chose to keep the baby so do the right thing and be responsible for it.

Original poster
user1491207026 · 10/04/2020 15:16

Thanks for your advice and replies. I think deep down I do want to keep this baby. I'm just not sure what's the right thing to do. I know that I chose to keep the baby, but is it fair to bring it into a world without its dad around? But it is a bit late for abortion now- I mean I know it's still legal but the baby is fully formed now. I think that I have based most of my decisions on this guy but that's because I'm scared of doing this alone.

OP posts:
marie2020 · 10/04/2020 15:23

you are both adults, just make this work between you, disregard unimportant arguments

sometimes people would argue over stupid things

marie2020 · 10/04/2020 15:25

you both seem to be at age that it's good to start a family, but remember life gets even more tough with a baby

Although it's a huge happiness but you should make compromises and resolve conflicts if you want to make this work

Espoleta · 10/04/2020 15:36

Take the guy out of the conversation about the baby.

I had an abortion at 27, I didn’t do it for the guy I did it because I wasn’t ready to be a mum yet. No part of me wanted to keep it, and I’ve never regretted it.

You on the other hand do want it. I strongly suspect that if you go through it you won’t be able to say that you don’t regret it

Whatever the outcome of your decision ditch the man.

june2007 · 10/04/2020 15:40

Sounds like you wan this baby so keep baby. You can do this

TriangleBingoBongo · 10/04/2020 15:42

Why are all your decisions based on this guy?

This. Take him out the equation, he’s clearly not reliable. Now what do you want to do?

RedPandaFluff · 10/04/2020 15:44

I agree with the previous posters who say that they think you'd regret an abortion. I also agree that there are two separate decisions - whether to keep the baby, and whether to keep the guy. These decisions should be made completely independently of each other.

You're asking if it's fair to bring a baby into the world without its dad. Of course it's "fair" - lots of children aren't brought into traditional family set-ups and they flourish. It will be harder, though, and you'll have to be strong. You said you have lots of family nearby - will they help you?

pooopypants · 10/04/2020 15:45

Stop living your life and making your decisions based on him. He's an unreliable waster. Do what YOU want to do.

Caaarrrl · 10/04/2020 15:51

Do not even consider what his reaction will be or whether he will support you. He has shown that he is immature and unreliable. Make the decision for yourself.

Original poster
user1491207026 · 10/04/2020 16:38

That's the thing- my head is all over the place. I'm still not sure what I want to do. Up until about two days ago I was convinced that I was going to keep this baby and happy, but now that things aren't working out I'm not too sure. My family don't know about the baby but I think they would definitely support me, if I asked them too. I just want to make the right decision as it is a massive life changing choice to make?!

OP posts:
DangerCat01 · 10/04/2020 16:42

Sweetie, keep the baby, dump the guy. The baby will still have a dad and a lot of family who love it.

If it makes you feel any better, I did the same. She’s now 23 and is and always has been the light of my life. I’m on my third husband though so men come and go! Me and my girl have always made each other very happy.

Prettylittlelady · 10/04/2020 16:43

If you have even the slightly desire to keep the baby - keep it. It’s 17 weeks now, and I do believe all women have a right to choose, of course you do, but personally, I think at that gestation it’s morally wrong, 6 more weeks and the baby would have a shot at surviving outside the womb!
It sounds like if you listen to your heart, you do want this baby, and if you really don’t - there is also adoption but if you decide to abort you really need to get moving in a matter of days now!

BlueBlazerBlack · 10/04/2020 16:44

I agree with the other posters, you need to take the guy out of the equation. He is flaky and unreliable and you have only known him for a few months anyway. You'd be better off raising this child as a single parent than with a dad who is not fully committed and may walk out at any time.
It is not too late for an abortion, they are legal up to 23 weeks and 6 days for non-medical issues. Whether you feel that you may regret it is a different matter, of course.
Whatever you decide, it has to be your decision, it is your body and it is you who will be raising this child for the next 20 years.
Do yourself a favour now and tell the guy to do one.

Prettylittlelady · 10/04/2020 16:44

And if it makes you feel any better, I’m 32, 13 weeks along, not with baby’s father, but they will be so loved by me and probably by him too.

N12345625 · 10/04/2020 16:47

No one on mumsnet can tell you what to do!! If you think you could love and support this baby, keep it.

BlueBlazerBlack · 10/04/2020 16:49

If it helps at all, I think it is quite normal to get cold feet and panic even when the pregnancy has been planned and wanted with a long-term partner.
A baby changes your life, and things will never be the same.
But if you think deep down you want to keep the baby, then you would probably regret having a termination. With the right support you will be able to do this on your own.

justanotherneighinparadise · 10/04/2020 16:57

Tell your family. I think you’ll feel a whole heap better about it when you do.

SunnySideUp2020 · 10/04/2020 17:14

Sounds like my ex... (maybe it’s him?) honestly ditch the man and think about what YOU really want.
Going for a 12 week scan instead of abortion is a not exactly the same :/
Sorry you are going through this x

Dangermouse80 · 10/04/2020 17:17

Keep the baby and don't factor the dad in. Although I strongly suspect he will change his mind again.

The baby can be your positive.