Crap. Am I...

[Ohpleaseno]

Got a 10 month old baby, was on the pill but came off it as the side effects were horrendous. Barely been having sex as I'm exhausted weve probably had sex twice in the last 4 weeks which he hasnt finished inside but obvious theres a chance. Period is possibly 2 days late (quite irregular and after baby and pill not really sure) I KNOW tesco tests can be wrong but what do people think of this test? Shit. Shit. Shit.

Oh I’m so sorry that happened for you. Not what you need after making the hard decision to go.

So they can’t do anything before 6 weeks?not even the tablets?

I think I’m 5+2 today. Have a phone appt tomorrow and then it looks like I’ll get an appt next Tuesday.

DH is so supportive of everything, catagorically said no to anymore babies but is now wanting to go ahead with this. Says he’s excited.
I just can’t- have an 8month baby, 2.8 toddler and this totally overwhelming feeling that after two healthy babies, something will
End up being very wrong and it will be too big an impact for us as a family....

Why the f* is this happening to us?! Well I know why but just wish the clock could be turned...

Hope you’re ok. It’s devastating at the best of times but in the middle of a lockdown it’s just so very very dark.... x

My husband is still very much against having it. I know though if I see a heartbeat that will be it. I won't be able to do it. Can you opt not to see anything? I told my mum today for some moral support and I so wish I hadn't. She basically rejected anything other than me having this baby. I thought she'd be more understanding that I hadn't made a decision but it was like the only option was keeping it. We're so close I really thought she'd be more understanding. I'm so mad at myself for telling her. God this sucks!

It’s the scan that’s the devastating bit. I’ll be the same. As horrific as this sound, I just don’t want there to be anything on the screen.

I hate myself for that as I’ve had a miscarriage before and know what it feels like to want something so much...

Sorry your mum acted like that. I just want to tell someone too- but I don’t know who, or how they’d react. My mum would be the same.

Are you worried you’ll live to regret your decision? I’m terrified...

@sunandrose they didnt let me go until my lmp made over 6 weeks so they could see something which in my case didnt work. But you can still have treatment aslong as there is the start of something (unsure why I cant unless there worried its elsewhere but it was checked at marie stopes and epu I might ring them today because waiting 10 days doesnt seem very fair to me. So sorry for you especially when you have conflicting feelings my husband says whatever decision I make hes with me but hes the same as me now is not the right time. I just feel like I'm guna be very depressed and badly affected either way. I was a little relieved when they said there was nothing just praying my baby and dates then dont catch up and I'll be over 8 weeks at my next scan then what the hell am I meant to do. @Finallyamummy I dont think they show you anything anyway as they know it's difficult I was asked at the epu if I wanted to see what they were seeing I just said no. So sorry about your mum I've thought about telling mine but from when I was young she made her feelings on abortion clear so I'm not guna bother.

Wow sorry for essay. But yeah that's my worst fear. Regret. But surely its better to regret an abortion than a live baby/pregnancy? That's what I'm telling myself atm..

I’ve been telling myself all night that regretting a child is worse. It’s also not just the baby stage- it’s right the way through, the teenage years included. I
Struggle as it is with a very active, headstrong 2.5 year old and the baby, I can’t handle a messy house and I know this would send me over the edge. But then I keep looking back at baby photos, thinking about those beautiful days of pregnAncy, birth and think what am
I doing?
I’ve got a phone call today from the hospital. Not sure what to expect...

My main concern is the baby would be born with a major health or learning issue- I know we couldn’t cope. The impact on our other children’s lives would be huge. But as my DH says, the risks of that are small....

Apparently Marie Stopes have a counsellor you can pay for. Not sure if i should do that?

Today I’m feeling sick and very much pregnant..... combined with lockdown, this is just one big nightmare x

@sunandrose the chances of your baby been born with any abnormalities are very very slim if that's your only worry dont rush into a decision. You seem to be wanting the baby more than not? I loved been pregnant but cant stand the idea of having a bump or anything atm I'd be so disconnected. A councillor was mentioned but they didnt mention paying for it. Sorry you have symptoms that must make it more difficult x

So given recent events BPAS tweeted last night that the rules have been relaxed around abortion and basically it will be a case of a telephone appointment and then a prescription sent to your doctor I think and you do it all at home. I hope that info helps someone.

I'm still in turmoil. If I'd not told my mum I think I probably would have just got the pills and done it. Now I'm in limbo. Do I do it and say I miscarried? That sounds so awful doesn't it.

I havent heard about that. I defo need to ring them today and ask if nothing can be done when I'm just showing a sac. You need to do and say what's right for you. I've miscarried twice and dont judge you at all xx

@Needingsupportplease
I loved being pregnant too but I’m just the same, with my anxiety over health issues, the current pandemic and just general uncertainties of life right now I just don’t know how I’d feel.

I had a call from a dr today. We had s chat about things, she said my concerns were obviously real but slim risks. I can’t actually remember what she said re the tablets (my 2 year old fell off the sofa during the phone call ) but I think she mentioned tablets by post.

As my periods have only just started back since giving birth, there’s a slight chance I’m 9 and not 5 weeks but highly unlikely. So I’m having a scan on Wednesday as well as a call from a counsellor and then it can go ahead that day, should I still want it to.

Right now I feel I do want to go ahead with the treatment, it felt like a massive relief speaking to her, but I still have that little voice at that back of my head...

That said, my DS is driving me mad today, the baby is teething and so clingy, I just don’t know how I’d manage with another tiny one and stay sane.

@Finallyamummy I’ve been thinking of saying to DP. Telling him I’m going for the scan and that there wasn’t a heartbeat. He’s supportive of my ultimate decision but I know deep down he doesn’t want this to happen. The miscarriage that I had really hit him hard.

God it’s so difficult

I'm so worried about my job too. I've been there 14 years but I'm currently furloughed. If I get made redundant we're fucked. If I go back pregnant god knows what will happen. I'd get a decent redundancy package that would tide us over a few months but it's a legitimate worry, although I guess so many people are in this boat and I have long service on my side, as does my husband. God what a mess.

Rang marie stopes back I have to wait 2 weeks for my scan with epu :( absolutely gutted. So I'll either be over 8 weeks or there thinking ectopic and have told me all symptoms. Why isn't this straight forward :(

@Finallyamummy the job situation is such a worry. I actually think I’d be able to view things a little clearer if it wasn’t for the corona nightmare. Everything is such a worry right now and this just adds to it.
Are you currently on maternity leave?

@Needingsupportplease so it could actually be an etopic, rather than just wrong dates and too early? Have they said 2 weeks due to their own availability or due to your scan?

I rang Marie Stopes but the neatest is 100 miles away. So our local hospital have sorted it. Tonight I’m thinking it could be doable and it would be such a lovely ‘end’ to this pandemic nightmare! How the hell do you make a decision and know you won’t regret it?

@sunandrose no my youngest is 2.5, I'm currently furloughed which means I'm stood down from work on 80% pay. Dh is also stood down on full pay but no overtime, of which he usually does a significant amount. We're lucky in that we've been able to reduce our outgoings significantly by putting payments on hold for a loan we had from my parents (thank god) so we're still able to pay the mortgage currently. I called BPAS this morning and have a phone consultation scheduled for the 10th. Apparently I will still need to go to clinic for the actual tablets though.

Eek. Yes that's a positive

@sunandrose @Finallyamummy how are you both x

Hi @Needingsupportplease thank you for thinking of me. I'm ok, I have a phone consultation with BPAS on Friday that I'm hoping will give me some clarity. I'm still feeling very torn. How are you?

@Finallyamummy I feel exactly the same :( waiting for my scan at epu on thursday. Its torture though I'm hoping it's still an empty sac and it's a blessing in disguise so I dont have to make that decision to be honest i just have no idea what to do. I'm now worrying if I do decide to keep I've been drinking and not taking any folic acid so petrified baby will have defects anyway but not a clue what I want to do :(

@Needingsupportplease I've been taking folic acid although I don't know why. I'm still drinking coffee but I'm not much of an alcohol drinker anyway so I'm not drinking.

Theres a baby and a heartbeat. Shit. I knew this was going to happen.

@Needingsupportplease oh my goodness I'm so sorry this is all so tough for you. It's very cruel. I wish I had some advice for you as I have no idea how to make a decision either. Not bloody helped by the fact I feel so pregnant today, boobs are killing, back ache, nausea and I could sleep for England. When do you need to make a decision?

Yeah I feel sick which isn't helping. Can make a decision whenever I think but to me I need to asap as I cant let this baby grow if I'm not going to keep it. I'm gutted :(

@Needingsupportplease I started writing I list of all the issues and potential issues we'd have if we had this baby. So many ifs that I wish I hadn't bothered as I'll never know until they happen.

Got another app with marie stopes tomorrow to pick up the tablets. Been going from one decision to the other still swaying towards termination just petrified I'm going to regret it and worried about the actual loss of pregnancy and the bleeding as I'll be on my own at home with my 11 month old :( hope everyone else is ok x

@Needingsupportplease I received my pack through the post today and took the first pill this afternoon then I need to take the rest tomorrow. Virtual hand hold for you x