Termination at 17-18 weeks help!!

[Broken13heart]

Hi everyone, I'm very scare and desesperare. I have 5 children and a month ago I just found out that I am pregnant at 13 weeks. I was thinking a lot this month pased but in our situation I know it’s the right decision even though it hurts. I hate myself for waiting at this time. Looking on the internet the process is killing me more because i see in youtube a video how they cut each of the parts breaks my heart. I’m scare of surgery and the process d&e, I'm afraid to the future and may God punish me with my 5 children in the future. I'm scare of a hemorrhage too or a perforation. My husband doesn't know anything about my feelings and I would have to lie to him that I lost the baby and a my obgyn too. I have my appointment for Tuesday and I need words of support from you who have been through this please help me!!! I'm going crazy!!! Is there a justification when you have fewer weeks than when you have more weeks?
Im sorry for my grammar the english is not my first lenguaje

@Rubybluesy her youngest is 3, and she has 5 over 13 years, which suggests she IS using contraception. Contraception occasionally fails.

Hi all,

I'm realy struggling with the decision of an abortion. I initially went for 1 but found out im further on than we thought. Now I've seen the baby im unsure what to do. I've got 2 children but had really bad pregnancies and births. They both came at 33 weeks due to kidney failure with my first and sepsis with my second due to my waters breaking at 30 weeks. My youngest is 14 months and the mam guilt is kicking in. I'm looking at advice how to cope with a bad pregnancy and how you coped with 2 under 2. How late can you have an abortion? I've got 2 weeks and I don't think I can make the decision in that timescale