Not sure what to do - not in a bad situation

[Coconutcakes]

I've found out that I'm pregnant and I'm considering abortion. But my situation isn't that bad, or bad at all, so I'm wondering if I'm being ridiculous.

I'm married and have 1 DC, aged 1. We were trying for another in a year or so. Given that relatively short time frame, it seems obvious to just have this be that baby. What's a year in the scheme of things really?

But I don't want to be pregnant right now. Life was going really well. I have just gone back to work part time, and was getting in to my new routine. I enjoyed mat leave but was feeling good using my work brain again. I joined a gym two months ago and I had lost 2 stone and was feeling fit for the first time in years. I was really feeling great. And I was enjoying parenting my 1yo.

I'm now 8 weeks pregnant (have known for 2 weeks) and already all that is gone. I'm too exhausted to have fun with dc, I just keep half an eye on him while he plays alone, and half an eye on the clock praying it will be 7pm soon (his and now my bedtime). I can hardly cope at work, the exhaustion means getting through the day is a massive struggle. I've quit the gym. I can't sleep. I'm miserable 24/7.

But I'd just be going through all this in a year anyway right? So I might as well do it now?

DH doesn't want me to have an abortion, but he would accept it (I mean he would have too).

Not sure if its relevant but it wasn't a contraception failure. I don't take hormonal contraception as my DH isn't interested in sex and we only do it around 3 times a year, using condoms if it is a fertile time. This time it was the tail end of my fertile time but I was so surprised and happy we were actually having sex, I didn't mention that as I didn't want to ruin the moment. So it's my fault.

My dc1 was wonderful age 2, never a tantrum, so much fun. She was hard as a baby though. My dc2 was an easy baby but really hard as a toddler.

I dont think you can ever predict how 'fun' an age will be, you'll gain and miss out at some point whatever you decide.

Ah I’m the one that said easy 1 year old vs tantrummy 2 year old.

2 year olds are more prone to tantrums or general defiance/mischief than one year olds. But that doesn’t mean it’s a shit phase - there are so many good things about it that they outweigh the strops (they can talk! they find everything funny and interesting, they say amazing and hilarious things, they start to really play with other children which is brilliant to watch, you can take them places without having to fit in a zillion naps, they can run jump scoot climb, etc etc). I’d take a 2-3 year old over a 1 year old any day.

I'm another one that mentioned toddlers being more challenging. They are, but it's partly what makes it such an exciting age.

They require huge amounts of mental stimulation and good quality attention. Their new skills come through thick and fast. Their vocabulary expands daily, and pretty much every day my 2 year old surprises me by what she knows or can do.
In the last few days she's started singing for the first time, she's started drawing circles and she's pulled down her own pants! I also have to run now when she does too keep up, she's that fast.

You can't hide as much from a two year old. She'll know if you sneakily look at your phone. She'll know that you sometimes secretly eat chocolate (asks demand it too). They craze attention and love and activity, but they still are babies in many ways.

I think it's harder to half heartedly parent. A two year old. Or more to the point, they will notice.

If I was in your situation, I would keep this pregnancy. The key for me is that the issue is that the timing isn’t perfect, not that you don’t want another child soon.

But You have to make the call for yourself and I’m happy you have that choice available.

I also hated being pregnant. I was ill with hyperemesis throughout both. But now my daughters are older (youngest is almost 3) I’m so glad we had the small age gap. It was tough when she was a little baby and her sister was still a baby but now.... they bring absolute joy to my heart every day with how close they are and how wonderful they are together. It’s a very nice age gap you’ve created by accident. Maybe it is meant to be (as corny as that sounds).

Good luck with whatever you do.