Hey
I don't really know what I'm wanting writing this, but I think I'm in a bit of shock and totally sad. Please don't judge me.
I have 4 children, separated from my husband 18 months ago. I met a guy about a year ago and we have the worst, most unhealthy relationship. But I keep going back there (doesn't affect my kids etc, just me being 'that' girl) unhealthy in respect that he has lied, a lot. And we have zero trust, but that's a whole different story!!
Anyway. In Feb this year I ended up getting pregnant, and knew 100% that I couldn't cope with another child so it resulted in an abortion. Worst thing, but knew it had to be done.
Fast forward to today and I recently had to take the morning after pill (trust me, you don't have to tell me how stupid I am!) clearly didn't work and now I have a positive test! Nothing has changed, I still can't cope with another child. But I feel so different this time. Not so matter of fact 
I am so gutted with myself that I've done this again! I really want to think about keeping it, but deep down I know I would struggle and not to mention the upheaval for my children.
I don't know why I'm posting. I think to just get it out of my head! I feel so stupid and reckless and completely lost right now.