Pregnant again..!

[DaniMoo]

Hey
I don't really know what I'm wanting writing this, but I think I'm in a bit of shock and totally sad. Please don't judge me.

I have 4 children, separated from my husband 18 months ago. I met a guy about a year ago and we have the worst, most unhealthy relationship. But I keep going back there (doesn't affect my kids etc, just me being 'that' girl) unhealthy in respect that he has lied, a lot. And we have zero trust, but that's a whole different story!!

Anyway. In Feb this year I ended up getting pregnant, and knew 100% that I couldn't cope with another child so it resulted in an abortion. Worst thing, but knew it had to be done.
Fast forward to today and I recently had to take the morning after pill (trust me, you don't have to tell me how stupid I am!) clearly didn't work and now I have a positive test! Nothing has changed, I still can't cope with another child. But I feel so different this time. Not so matter of fact I am so gutted with myself that I've done this again! I really want to think about keeping it, but deep down I know I would struggle and not to mention the upheaval for my children.

I don't know why I'm posting. I think to just get it out of my head! I feel so stupid and reckless and completely lost right now.

Hi @DaniMoo - hope you don't mind, but we're going to move your thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic. Hopefully there'll be some Mumsnetters on hand there to give you some advice and support.

This is me!
2 children from previous relationship (completely unaffected by all this, he used to work away so when he's not here I tell them that's where he is because we are so on off, but only ever argue by text) ... I've been in a completely horrible relationship for over 17 months now with a terrible man that I keep returning to, he's a narcissist, a control freak, & I feel trapped .... Possibly Trauma Bonding? ... anyway, I had to terminate a pregnancy in October as this man is not fit to be a father, as he's a cocaine user ... I recently got away from him for 2 months, but he made his way back, I convinced myself I can't live without him .... and yet here I am awaiting my next period, Knowing full well it's probably not going to come on Tuesday and really giving myself a hard time over this 'possible' termination... Im sorry I can't offer any advice, I just read your post and feel like I can completely relate to